“As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to the need to put people and things in their “right” place. To the degree that we embrace the truth that our identity is not rooted in our success, power, or popularity, but in God’s infinite love, to that degree can we let go of our need to judge.” – Henri Nouwen
A few weeks ago, I was visiting my mom and aunt, celebrating their birthdays. After dinner one night, we came back to mom’s house to be lazy and watch the Oprah Network. Beverly Johnson’s reality show was on. After just a few minutes of tuning in, I was quickly reminded of the reasons why I don’t like watching them.
We started talking about how silly Beverly’s housemanager was, going on and on about his smoking habit. “OK,” we joked. “We get it, you want everyone to talk about the fact that you need to quit smoking. Let’s move on.” But yet, there we were, watching him drone on. Why? Out of pity? Boredom? With dozens of other shows or movies we could have been watching instead, there we were sitting back laughing about this family’s fake-real life. I even hopped on Twitter to see what others were saying using the show’s hashtag #BFH. Online, people were pretty much doing the same thing we were – going in on everyone on the show except the little baby.
That’s when I realized that shows like this just serve our need to feel like we’re better than other people.
Many women call reality TV their “guilty pleasure” because they know it’s not right to laugh, speculate and point fingers at the people whose “lives” we’re watching. On some level, we all know it’s unhealthy to tune in. Here are a few reasons why.
Reality Shows Are Not Representative of Reality
Although they try their damnedest to look like real life, reality TV shows are the furthest from reality that you can get. Yes, they cast “real” people instead of professional actors as characters, but other than that, reality TV shows are completely scripted. Beverly Johnson’s show is just one example, and a mild one at that. Do you truly believe that Beverly just came up with the idea of moving her daughter’s family in with her without the promise of a TV show filming it all for the Oprah Network? No way, man. She’s a businesswoman who knows the exposure will be good for her (and her daughter’s) brand. In general, do you think normal people would really get paid to showcase their boring, mundane, not-so-glamorous, drama-free lives on the boob tube? Not a chance. Keep in mind that reality TV storylines are created with one thing in mind: cheap ratings. Networks are making money off of exploiting the “journeys” of contestants on shows like The Apprentice, American Idol and Top Chef. Black women are making money off of being “drama queens” on shows like Basketball Wives, even if they’re not really that bad (or that extra) in real life.
“Certainly, reality TV is a very manipulated format where the basis of it is that real people are put into unreal situations to create a story,” said J. Rupert Thompson, a director and producer who includes “Big Brother” and “Fear Factor” among his credits.
What’s so dangerous about this is that the more we watch “reality TV,” the more our brains are unable to clearly distinguish between what’s real and what’s not. Research has shown that reality TV shows actually skew our perception of true reality. It’s a psychological magic trick, the way the illusion of “reality” on the television screen makes us that much more engaged in people’s (fake) persona and lives. The truth is that you have no idea who Snooki really is. All you are seeing is what the producers want you to see.
Watching Reality TV Reflects an Unmet Need
So if we know it’s all fake, why do so many people feel compelled to watch shows like Real Housewives or even contest shows like Top Chef in the first place? The research on this is fascinating, summarized nicely here and here, for starters.
Reiss’s data showed that the largest significant motive for watching reality television was social status, which leads to the joy of self-importance. Only slightly less strong was the need for vengeance, which leads to vindication. “Some people may watch reality TV partially because they enjoy feeling superior to the people being portrayed,” Reiss said. “People with a strong need for vengeance have the potential to enjoy watching people being humiliated.”
The data shows that many people watch reality TV shows out of a desire for viewing humiliation. In other words, seeing someone else’s messed up life can make us feel better about our own issues, if only temporarily. This is unhealthy because the act of viewing someone else make bad choices does nothing to rectify our own. It’s just a cheap, fleeting way to meet our emotional needs. Tweeting that Kandi’s hair looks horrible skirts the real issue. The real issue is: why do you even care? Does it make you feel better about your own appearance when you spend time tearing down a reality TV star? The research says yes.
Reality TV Encourages You to Judge People
“Judgments of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.” – Marshall Rosenberg
For me, this is the biggest reason why reality TV shows are such an unhealthy form of entertainment. All they do is foster an environment for judgments about people you don’t even know, women in particular. As you watch them, you are being invited into the characters’ (fake) lives and personas. There is a storyline that is carefully crafted by the show’s producers to create enough (fake) drama to keep viewers interested. No one ever watches a reality TV show without uttering some kind of judgment. Look at her hair! I can’t believe she said/did that! Ugh, she is such a b*tch! Really, when was the last time Twitter was silent during an episode of Real Housewives of (Whatever City They’re In Now)? I’m gonna go with NEVER.
If seeing the wives of basketball players cuss each other out rocks your boat, then you have to consider why is this your form of entertainment? What is it about trashy reality TV that gets you to tune in and spend your time engrossed in it? The truth is not that it’s simply a “guilty pleasure” like eating greasy french fries. There is an emotional need you are getting met by watching, most likely one for social status, or a feeling of self-importance. But just because a lot of people do it, doesn’t mean it’s healthy.
The Bottom Line
If you want to be happier, avoid negativity. Garbage in, garbage out. Try cutting reality TV shows out of your media diet and see how you feel in a month. At the very least, you’ll get back all those precious hours of your life to devote to pursuing your goals.
Do you watch reality TV? Do you feel that it affects your psyche or do you view it as just harmless entertainment? What are some more positive ways you might be able to get your needs met?
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
I also agree with this but I guess not all reality tv shows are bad for example, is the Top Chef or America’s Next Top Model that teaches people much about trial and error and how to be competitive. I have also read an article about why people really flocks on reality tv show auditions here try to check it guys http://www.exploretalent.com/articles/people-flock-reality-tv-auditions/ .
I also agree with this but I guess not all reality tv shows are bad for example, is the Top Chef or America’s Next Top Model that teaches people much about trial and error and how to be competitive. I have also read an article about why people really flocks on reality tv show auditions here try to check it http://www.exploretalent.com/articles/people-flock-reality-tv-auditions/ .
I haven’t had a TV in years, so any television that I watch is through the ‘Net. Most of those are the reasons why I’ve weaned myself of a lot of reality shows. They’ve gotten to be silly and ridiculous. “Project Runway” used to be one of my favorites, but when it started focusing on the drama and bullying and less on the fashion, it got aggravating. I felt the same way about “America’s Next Top Model” and “The Real World.” For the former I wanted to see modeling, and for the latter I wanted to see people living together and learning from each other, not drama, catfights, hook ups, and drunken stupidity.
There aren’t any reality shows that I can think of that I’m watching at the moment, and I prefer good old fashioned scripted TV. But as you said, better than watching stuff is turning everything off and living your life.
I watch competition shows {Dancing with the Stars, The Voice} and usually can only handle one a season {like no DWTS this season but I watched all of The Voice}. I also love watching shows like A Baby Story or things on the History Channel that I’m sure don’t fall into this category … I think. Otherwise I’ve never seen a Real Housewives of nothing ever, barely knew who Snookie was and didn’t even know Beverly J. had a reality show. They aren’t my thing. Great post.
I can’t give up Survivor and Big Brother.
http://www.tiffanyvictoria.com
I agree. I found myself a little hooked to reality tv so I gave up cable for Lent. There are still a couple of shows that I enjoy watching, but I see it as purely entertaining. They can make you overly negative and judgmental though so I have to kept in check.
I don’t think I can let go of my dance competition shows! But I feel you on the judging thing. I can’t remember who said it, but in talking about a new reality show on A&E about virgins, a woman commented that the purpose of reality TV seems to be to make the viewer feel superior to the people on the show. It’s true.
I could never get into reality TV shows, I think the first one that I came across was MTV’s Real World. Either way, I canceled my cable 2 years ago and I haven’t looked back.
I like being able to choose what I put in, and what I share with my family. My little girl doesn’t see anything that she shouldn’t and we don’t waste time watching nonsense.
Yep, I think MTV was the network that started it all. I think I watched like the first few seasons of RW & then left them all alone.
P.S. How lovely to see your face here again, Kalley :) Hope you are well.
I totally agree with you on all points but one. I have felt for sometime now that most Reality TV shows are trash, which is why I don’t watch them. I specifically don’t want to watch other black women (or women in general) in such a negative light because I have personally had enough drama in my life and as I move forward I would like less and less of it. So I refuse to spend my time ingesting it. Like you said, garbage in, garbage out.
But as far as the contestant shows, I have a completely different reason for watching that is basically the opposite of what you stated and the “research” people have come up with. I absolutely love the talent shows because they inspire me to live my dreams. My heart literally fills up as I watch many of these young and even older people literally put all they have on a stage in front of the world because they believe in their gifts and talents enough to achieve their dreams. I am a HUGE fan of musical talent, so I absolutely love to revel in the talents and gifts of others. I get emotionally invested, lifted up, and filled with joy to watch the “undiscovered” talent of the world rise and shine in their greatness. And though I may not be trying out for the next best talent show, I have talents and gifts of my own and I am striving for my dream life to come true as well. So seeing these very special individuals do just that on national TV inspires me to be better in my own life as I celebrate in their successes as well. So I get double the pleasure and benefit from watching those shows, and maybe I’m just the exception to the rule of the “research”, because watching anyone’s humiliation is so far from the truth of who I am and my intentions in watching.
Thanks for sharing your experience with us in reflecting on why you watch contest shows. I think we can all benefit when we examine why we do what we do. See my comment to Tamara about some of the other, less common reasons people watch – sounds like you also fall under one of the other 16 motives from the Reiss profile as well. It’s an interesting read if you take a look at the study I linked to. Appreciate you stopping by!
I love the psychology behind this post. The mind is SO impressionable – you definitely have to watch what you put in!
I just cancelled my cable. They raised my bill to 100 per month, and I remember being so devastated because I didn’t want to miss out on all of my reality TV. Then I realized that I was spending so much time watching all of these people living their lives in certain ways, taking exotic trips, dating all these people and I wasn’t sitting on my couch doing nothing! Getting rid of cable has freed up so much extra time for me to go out and explore my city, discover interesting blogs, and live life on my own terms by not being influenced by how all those reality tv people are living their lives.
*was not wasn’t. Please forgive any typos/grammar mistakes. I’m running on a few hours of sleep
Ah, I love stories like this! It’s amazing what’s possible with certain behavior & lifestyle changes. Glad to hear that you’ve found other, more fulfilling ways to fill your time.
Aside from The First 48 (haven’t watched The Biggest Loser in quite a while), I don’t watch that nonsense. It’s not because I feel a need to think that I’m better than others though; it’s because my brain cells can’t deal with the mind-numbing stupidity & stereotyping on those shows, and I need to preserve as many brain cells at my age as possible. :-|
I agree w/ a lot of this but I also think you (plural you, not you specifically) can’t just lump everyone together & say if you watch any of these shows you enjoy watching people get humiliated. I enjoy no such thing. I don’t watch shows like the Biggest Loser, Real Housewives, BBW, Bad Girls Club, any of the Kardashian shows etc. b/c I don’t like to watch “real” people behaving badly or “sharing” their every trial & tribulation w/ the world. I’ve even muted the hashtags so that I don’t have to see people’s comments about them, the hash-tagged ones anyway. However, when I watch a show such as Top Chef or Project Runway, it’s not b/c I want to see folks humiliated or feel that I am in any way better than them, which I don’t. It’s b/c I like food & fashion and I like watching these talented folks create. Is there a degree of drama on these shows too? Of course. TV thrives off such. I’ve seen a less talented person not get “voted off” b/c they made for good tv & that pisses me off. But I honestly try to tune that stuff out & focus on what I like about the shows. I don’t think I’m better than anyone, let alone someone on tv that I don’t even know. I also don’t think I’m better than the next person who watches BBW or RHOA faithfully. That’s on them. I definitely do agree with reducing the amount of garbage you take in though and that viewing endless negativity has an effect on you. When people ask me if I’ve seen so & so show or X video on Worldstar HipHop, my response is usually “no, that stuff kills brain cells”, half jokingly. Anywho, good post. Hope it gets folks thinking.
Yeah, it makes sense to me that not everyone who watches every type of reality show likes to see people being humiliated or wants to feel important – it was just found to be the biggest reason. What”s really interesting is that Reiss’s report was done in 2004 when there were very few housewives-type shows, so that data is probably even *more* relevant in explaining why people watch contest reality shows. Makes thinking about this even more fascinating. It sounds like the way you experience reality TV falls under one of the other 16 motives in the Reiss profile – maybe curiosity or even idealism.