“Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us.” – Steven Pressfield
For most of us, there seems to be this huge gap between the life we live and the life we really want.
We say we want a better job, but day after day, all we do is complain and keep punching the clock at the one that makes us miserable.
We say we want to find love, but aren’t willing to go to events or even go online and put ourselves out there to meet single men.
We say we want to spend more time with family, but waste huge chunks of our “free” time on Twitter talking to strangers.
We say we want to start a business and put our talents to use as an entrepreneur, yet never seem to get that great idea off the ground.
We say we want to travel, yet we let ourselves get easily discouraged at the thought of being able to save enough money to leave the country.
One thing I say I really want is a romantic relationship. In the past, I even said I wanted to get married. Yet, my reality was that I cheated on almost every boyfriend I ever had until I met the rocket scientist. That was 12 years of my life I spent lying to myself about what I wanted and what I was emotionally ready for. My mouth said one thing, but my actions showed quite another.
Now, it feels like I’m starting over. I’m learning how to be honest with myself and others. What I know is that it’s hard to be open. For all of us. It’s tough to tell the truth and let it hang out on the line like a pillowcase in summer.
The problem is, whenever I cling to my fear of falling in love, of giving away precious parts of myself to another person, my heart tightens like a closed fist, unable to let anything (or anyone) inside. Of course, this makes it even more difficult to go after what I really want.
On the flip side, whenever I stay open to possibility in my love life, magic happens. I meet the most amazing men who teach me something about myself. Like the writer I met in Charlottesville, who taught me more about what I really need from a partner as well as what I am able to give.
It’s just as important to know what you don’t want as it is to know what you do want.
I don’t want to be closed up and overly cautious. I do want to stay open to the magical world of possibility. I don’t want to miss out on what the universe has in store for me. I do want to play the game until the last inning, knowing that I could strike out at any moment.
For me, this is the only way to avoid the tragedy of an unlived life. Go after what you really want. Do exactly what your heart tells you, even though your mind is steady telling you to be careful, not to give too much away.
Don’t listen to the lizard brain.
Because when you’re willing to take that first vulnerable step out into the unknown, opportunities somehow start showing up to greet you at the door.
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
I remember the lizard brain and I refuse to lissssten! I’m trying to be more observant of what I want to do. Trying to set out and concur fears and gain success. It’s happening little by little and I don’t know where exactly it’ll take me but I’m trying to set a course for myself that will end in happiness. Hope everyone succeeds too!
“One thing I say I really want is a romantic relationship. In the past, I even said I wanted to get married. Yet, my reality was that I cheated on almost every boyfriend I ever had..”
This quote speaks perfectly to what my life used to be like regarding relationships. It took a lot of soul searching to figure out what I REALLY want and what I REALLY don’t want. Since figuring out how to make my actions match my words (and discovering a deep-seated fear of commitment that needed to be overcome), I’ve had the most amazing learning experiences with dating, and now have the best, most healthy relationship.
All that to say, it feels good to know someone else has gone through something similar. There’s nothing like reading someone else’s words and seeing yourself.
This post is so inspiring and so is the rest of your site. I was online today looking for some new sites and came across yours, and I’m happy that I did. You have such great content and post to read. I didn’t know which one to read first.
In regards to this post you brought up some great points and I saw a lot of myself in what you said. Sometimes the thing that’s standing in the way of getting to that next step is ourselves.
I definitely enjoyed reading this. Made me analyze my actions.
I couldn’t get to the end of this post fast enough! I’m in, I’m hooked! I just had that moment where you’re in church and you just KNOW that the preacher is talking directly to you! :)
Truly inspiring post. It’s just as important to know what you don’t want as it is to know what you do want – those few words just hit home. And i am in agreement, an unlived life is a tragedy.
Thank you for reading :) So happy the post resonated with you.
Wow. I really appreciate your honesty in this post. I think that is the beginning of going after what you want. Being honest about the distance between where you are and where you want to be. I, too, deal with fear of intimacy and it takes work to open my heart to people, and sometimes to myself.
Kudos to you for this inspiring post!