”It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” – Eckhart Tolle
I hesitated in writing this post for a long time because I didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way. But honestly, if you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know that my intention is for everything I say to come from a place of love and service. That said, I felt so compelled to ask this particular question today because I’ve been having conversations with many sisters who struggle with self-sabotage in various ways. For black women in particular, our religious or spiritual beliefs often play a huge part in our decision-making . . . or lack thereof. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard ladies say things like:
- “I know I need to change my life, but I’m just waiting on God to show me what to do.”
- Or: “I want to accomplish XYZ, and I’m leaving it up to the Lord to tell me when it’s time for me to take the first step toward my goal.”
- This one’s my favorite: “There’s nothing I want more than a fulfilling romantic relationship, so I’m just gonna sit in the house and wait for God to send a good man to knock on my door and sweep me off my feet.”
If we’re honest with ourselves, we can admit that for the most part, we already know exactly what we need to do next in our lives. God has given us so much power and knowledge as human beings. 99.9% of the time, we don’t need any more advice. We just need to take action. But the thing is, even when these ladies do actually receive a sign or a gut feeling telling them exactly what to do, they freeze up.
They don’t take any action whatsoever, even when the universe is telling them that it’s time to make a move.
As it turns out, many women seem to be using the excuse that they are “waiting” on God as a socially acceptable phrase to mask the fear of actually moving forward and succeeding in life. I call BS.
The Paradox of Faith
As someone who very much believes in God and the divine order of the universe, I know how difficult it can be to discern whether you’re making decisions that are truly driven from a place of love or if you’re acting out of the familiar place of fear (which is the opposite of love). Do you want the truth, though? In any given situation, you will likely be called to take action before you have all the answers. You will need to step out on your faith even before you know what the outcome is going to be and despite what “real world” odds may be against you. This is the paradox of faith.
Fear is Not Faith
I believe that our faith journey is all about learning how to choose love over fear and fulfill our true purpose for being on this earth. If you believe this, and if you believe in the strength of your own infinite possibility, then you know that your steps will always be guided along the way. You know that you don’t need anyone else to validate you. Yet all too often, we still seek out that constant validation from others because we’re so afraid of getting it wrong. Or even worse, what people will think of us if we fail. But we have to remember that fear is not faith. Action is.
Put Your Faith Into Action
If you are a spiritual or religious person, you face the challenge of trying to listen to your faith, while at the same time navigating through the negative energy of what the rest of the world is doing. It can sometimes seem as if your options are limited because of all the doom and gloom talk about the economy or the supposedly sad state of affairs for black women looking for love. Of course, none of this is your concern. Your role is continue to pray or meditate or whatever practice you use to set an intention. Just don’t pray for opportunity if you’re not going to take it when it comes to you. Because it WILL come. And it will probably come much sooner than you think. That’s what happens when you start taking your purpose seriously. That’s what happens when you put your faith into action.
As you’ve probably figured out by now, my answer to the question that I posed in the title of this post is a resounding NO. God is not to blame for why you’re not succeeding in your life. You are. And it’s time to stop using your religious or spiritual beliefs as an excuse to play small. It’s time you finally began sharing your unique gifts with the world.
Have you been using your religious or spiritual beliefs as an excuse to procrastinate on living your ideal life? If so, what’s one thing you can do today to change that?
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
Until recently I didn’t really get the concept of following the spirit. I just was going on making my own decisions but they were often times based in fear or on impulse. I was doing okay but I know now that I can be magnificent. I had to put my ego and the pressure to not rock the boat aside. But I have recently taken up the practices of affirmatory prayer and meditation and I realized I do need to follow the divine path that was set for me. Not just any path that seems like what I am supposed to do. If God is magnificent and we are made in the image of God then we are….magnificent…right?
But the key is to let the spirit guide you on your path. That implies that you are always moving forward together with the spirit. I’m not sure quite yet what I am destined to do so in the meantime I have building a foundation of better life habits and self care so nothing can get in the way of my magnificence.
Fear definitely holds us back and a lot of it is fear of what people think. So some of us say we’ll wait till “God” shows us what he has in store for us. We tend to think that friends and family will not be happy when we pursue our dreams. Some will, but it shouldn’t stop us from pursuing our goals and maybe we can inspire them to go for theirs!!
Yet another timely post. I am in the midst of preparing to relocate to another state. During this time, I am finding myself having to push through the “fear” and work my “faith”. In my younger years, I made decisions without caring who’s “will” I was in. But now that Christ is the center of my life, I pray before every decision. And it is during this time I have to be of “courage”, because “fear” will have me afraid to make a move. So your post, as I read today, has been a motivating factor for me to do some things to “get moving”.
Thanks you so very much.
Appreciate your comment! Thank you for reading :)
Rosetta,
Thanks for this post! There are a lot of comments I could make, but you said it all. We have all the potential and ability to make ANYthing happen. Religion sometimes requires its believers to act on faith…but LIFE requires us to ACT! Make that move!
Yes, movement is the key!
It is just as one of my recent facebook posts, ‘I don’t know which decision to make because I haven’t prayed on it, duh?’ Too many times people of faith do use their religion as a crutch, but sometimes they are right, they DO need to hear from God. They DO need to make decisions and moves according to the Word, BUT, a lot of those people who stay stuck are stuck because they are not even in conversation or relationship with God. Not doing ANYTHING else God commands but convince themselves they do not have to do ANYTHING until… So basically they are using God as an excuse to not do what they are supposed to be doing and know full well that they don’t even really expect to hear from Him.
Wise words, Letetia :)
Awesome post!!!! I have been guilty of waiting for god to give me sign whent to act. I’ve been afraid to allow my light to shine. I know I have awesome gifts and talents and always talk about how I am going to start a business. I looked back in my journal and I’ve been writing for 5 years that i want to start a business. I research and research by NEVER get started. I just received my sign from god…it’s time to get started. Thanks for your blog, it has been a blessing that I stumbled upon your website. I love it…keep doing what you do.
Wow, it sounds like your dream has been 5 years in the making! The good thing is that it’s never too late :) Wishing you the courage to walk in your light.
OMG! This post sounds exactly like me! I had to do a double take and look at the name to make sure that I was not the author. Your comment to this wonderful blog post is exactly what I have been doing – reading, researching, and writing. In that same period, I have been “waiting on God”. After reading this blog post, I realized that I, too, have also used this as a crutch. There are lots of decisions that I have made where I didnt sit and wait for this big “aha” from God and it worked out fine. I prayed before making the decision and trusted that he would direct my path AS I moved. He did. However, when it comes to the areas where I am most fearful, I continue to say and think that I am waiting on the right time, waiting on God, waiting, waiting, and waiting. Where does waiting get you? I am not waiting; I’m simply not moving forward because I am fearful! Where is my faith?
Hey,
I love what you do. Love the advise you give and I love this particular post. I’ve been thinking it for a long time and I’m glad that you put it out there for us to discuss and even if some of us are not up to discussing it yet, we can begin to at least give it thought. Which is a huge start. Thanks
Thanks for stopping by, Ruthie! Appreciate you reading :)
I am a religious woman. In fact my mantra for this 31 day journey is, “I’m a Christian on a mission.” My religion provides me with comfort and strength an I find it to be a treasure. I agree that sometimes we let our religious faith keep us from moving forward. We need to realize that God has not given us spirits of fear but has given us strength and strong minds we need to use to move toward the goals we have set for ourselves.
I am a nonbeliever, but I once was a person of faith. Many times I do believe that I used religion as a crutch. I would always hold onto it when I was faced with certain challenges. Leaving religion aside, I agree with you that people hold themselves back. I feel as though the fear failure is indeed the number one culprit.
Fear is definitely what holds most of us back. It’s tough to unravel that though, when we mistake it for something else.
Amen, Rosetta! I see this all the time! Women think things are just supposed to show up in life without actually doing anything — and part of that is correct! The problem is that we are ignoring all the signs that God has sent us to leave a job when it no longer serves us, to end a relationship when it has run its course, or just grab on to an opportunity when we were too busy with other drama to pay attention.
I strongly believe that the food we eat has a significant impact on our ability to “hear” or tune in to what God is telling us to do. If you feed you body nothing but garbage, you are blocking your natural ability to tap into your “third eye” (which might be too much for some folks, but I think it’s true…).
No, I totally believe you about the food, Halona. Kris Carr hints at this a bit in her book as well. I don’t think it’s even 100% about the food itself, but even more about the fact that by paying attention to what we put into our body, we automatically become more aware of everything around us.
Excellent post! I especially love the sentence: “Your role is continue to pray or meditate or whatever practice you use to set an intention. Just don’t pray for opportunity if you’re not going to take it when it comes to you.”
I agree that fear is a major deterrent in taking action. Fear of messing up, fear of getting it wrong, and even fear of what will happen if we actually succeed. And when we do get it wrong, mess up, or the success isn’t what we were expecting, we put the blame on God.
I have some deeply religious friends who I’ve had this conversation with as gently as possible. I think with anyone, when you realize that you determine your life based on your thoughts, feelings, etc., and that God, Spirit, whatever, is a guiding force, it can force you to either continue to be a victim or take control. The question is, how can we get more people to release that victim mindset, claim control over their lives, while still maintaining their faith?
Great question. The victim mindset is often so strong + hard to dismantle. I’m hoping the first step is helping people to see exactly what’s going on with their thought processes + how they’re playing counter to their goals.
Great Post Rosetta! I’ve said it before that I was striving to be a “go hard” Christian. I honestly believe that in order for me to accomplish that, I need to do my part and roll the stone away from the grave of past mistakes and personal failures. There are times when you can “wait on the Lord” (to reflect, set priorites, get under leadership, gain accountabilily, etc)and then there are times when you need to take new territory in your life. As it is written, “Faith without works is dead”. My thing is if we are called to live life abundantly then why are we still waiting and not acting on what we are commissioned to do, God is not a sugar daddy.
LOL now this is THE best comment ever: “God is not a sugar daddy.” Thanks for sharing your insight!
I know that my purpose in life is to raise awareness and reduce the stigma of mental health while helping African Americans heal. However, lately I’ve been thinking about how? Clinical psychology, social work, community, psychology… there are just SO many options. I was getting a little stressed out just thinking about it, so I told myself I wouldn’t make a move until God shows me and I KNOW what it is I need to be doing. What’s interesting is that I’ve never said that before, and everything has STILL worked out for me. So why should I start saying that now? Like you said, Faith is action — not waiting. I believe that God will show me the way ALONG the way. There’s no point in stressing about my future. I can live in the moment and still fulfill the purpose God has for me.
Thanks, Rosetta, for this timely post!
Great insight, Alexandra! Sometimes we just have to stop + think critically about what we’re doing to be able to see the truth we’ve known all along.