Lately, I’ve been assessing my personal habits with the intention of getting rid of the ones that no longer serve me. For one thing, I love to look in the mirror (yes, I know, a little vain), although a lot of the time it’s to check to see if I look OK, if I’ve got a big pimple on my forehead or if I’ve got spinach in my teeth. While at first it sounds self-absorbed to say that I look in the mirror so much, I’ve recently realized that all too often, I’m looking in the mirror to see if something is wrong with me.
Do you do this in your own life?
Sure, we all want to look great before we leave the house. But many of us go way beyond that and focus primarily on our flaws, physical or otherwise. One example is how we sometimes keep too close of an eye on how our bodies look in comparison to others. For instance, it’s taken me almost my entire life to finally be OK with being a skinny black girl. I’m naturally thin, but you wouldn’t know it by the number of people (men and women) I’ve met in my life who’ve told me, “you could use a sandwich.” I used to live for the days when I’d step on the scale and find that I’d gained a few pounds, hoping to be on my way to a more “typical” voluptuous figure.
Now, I’m more appreciative of the body that I’ve been given. This body has allowed me to live and breath and move on this earth for 30 years and hopefully many more. This is the only body I have. Instead of wasting time wishing it was something else, my goal is to simply take care of it as best I can and love it as fiercely as possible.
I think this philosophy goes beyond simply accepting yourself as you are – though that’s important, too.
This is self-love.
This is saying, “I was made perfect and my main goal in this life is to act in accordance with that belief.” This is not about vanity, or even confidence for that matter. It’s about knowing that you are beautiful and worthy of every truly beautiful thing – and not allowing anyone or anything to convince you otherwise. This is recognizing that you need not compete with anyone, nor can anyone compete with you, because you were put here to live out your own unique purpose that no one else could ever fulfill but you.
Most of my posts here on the blog are about personal development and how you might make positive changes in your life – both big and small. Obviously, I think change can be really good, if that’s what you need. But sometimes, what we actually need is to focus on how amazing we already are.
There is nothing wrong with you.
And the more you stop looking for flaws, the easier it becomes to achieve your true potential in the world.
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
Simply put: reading this took me from my (unconscious) daily self-badgering to contentment. I need to read this everyday. Hopefully after reading it and reciting it to myself daily, I won’t have to read it anymore. I want this to be engrained in my thoughts because this is true happiness and LOVE.
Nice article..yeah there’s nothing like perfection..may be natural stuff like waterfalls..but i beleive that every one should know that there are the best there is in there world..so no need for comparisons..everybody is one of a kind..i keep taking care of my skin though..a clear skin makes me feel pretty..what lifts you up?
As I get older, I find myself making a list of every wrinkle or imperfection I come across. Loving yourself entails understanding finally that the mirror is your friend and it only reflects back the image that you project. So project happiness and acceptance and when you ask the mirror, who is the fairest of them all? It will reply….you, baby.
the Super Sistah
http://www.thesuperistah.com
Great point! Your comment also makes me wonder about where we get the idea that wrinkles, etc. are imperfections in the first place. Seems to me that our images of what “perfect” looks like come from outside ourselves and we subconsciously carry those ideas into our home. The mirror, then, needs to be OUR mirror telling us we’re beautiful and worthy, not society’s mirror telling us that we’re wrinkled and flawed.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article, it was straight and to the point. I have to remind myself more times than not, that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. You are right, we were not put here to compete, compare, or compromise. Thank you.
Be Well-On Purpose!
Isn’t it funny how we have to remind ourselves of all the good things LOL? But we dwell so much on the bad stuff. Thanks for reading!
thank you so much for this. i have struggled with this idea for a long time. when i was diagnosed with depression it was very easy to fall into the “something is wrong with me trap.” now I see my life as one where I am living with a mental illness, and not being defeated by it.
Thank you for this beautiful reminder, sis.
-L.
And – you are not just living…you are thriving and inspiring others along the way. Thanks for continuing to share your story :)
Great post Rosetta! It’s funny you talked about looking into the mirror and searching for flaws. My mirror and I have had a love hate relationship for as long as I can remember, I started off not even wanting to look in the mirror afraid people would think I was vain or worse that everything I believed about myself (being too skinny for a black girl,wearing glasses,and being ugly) was true. It feels good to accept yourself for who you are, at wherever you are in life, work on things you feel you can control and declare to yourself that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. I believe the day I realized that I finally began to embrace my potential and I don’t plan on looking back. I wish many blessings upon you and all the Happy Black Women and yes even the Getting To Happy Women too.
Hi Rosetta,
This is something that I think all young black QUEENS should read!! You are a very positive person and I personally thank you for allowing your spirit to guide you. Peace AND blessings :)
Hey Rosetta,
This is some wonderful story-telling and a beautiful message. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you.