We’ve been having some interesting discussions about money, men and childhood beliefs in our Happy Black Woman community.
In a nutshell, what you were taught as a child about money could be the very thing sabotaging your ability to take action on your big goals and dreams.
Tell me if you can relate…
When I was growing up as a little black girl in Ohio, I was taught that if I wanted to have a rich life, I would have to marry a rich man.
The women in my family – from mom to grandma to auntie – all seemed to believe that the key to wealth was not necessarily by creating my OWN success, but in landing a man who was already financially set and could take care of me.
At first, this philosophy made sense.
But as I got older, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of focusing on “finding a rich husband.”
It all clicked for me 10 years ago when I was engaged to be married to a man who wanted me to be a stay-at-home wife.
As much as I loved him, I could not bring myself to sacrifice my career goals for the sake of a romantic relationship.
What I was brought up to believe has also been reinforced in conversations I’ve had with black women all over the country who talk about needing to find a “sugar daddy” or a “sponsor” or a “rich hubby” if they want to experience financial abundance and travel the world.
(Maybe you’ve been in some of these same conversations, too.)
I used to laugh and joke with the best of them until my business began to take off and I realized that I could earn more than enough of my OWN money to buy whatever I wanted for myself!
There was no need for me to wait for a knight in shining armor to save me.
There was no need for me to search for a rich hubby who could treat me to the good life.
I look back at those conversations with my fiancé years ago when I was thinking how easy it would be to let him take care of everything financially since I was honestly pretty broke at the time.
Back then, I was in grad school, working a full-time job AND working nights as a restaurant hostess, struggling to pay my rent, student loans and overall living expenses in Washington, DC.
Fast forward to 2015 and so far this year, I’ve earned more than four times my ex-fiancé’s annual income.
What Grandma taught me about money (and men) was wrong.
I was The One I had been waiting for all along.
As it turns out…
My financial freedom is, and always has been, in my own hands.
Leave me a comment: What were you taught as a child about money? Have those beliefs carried over to your adult life?
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
This was an interesting article. I never thought about finding Prince Charming. The women in my family are independent souls. They had strong mothers and fathers who taught both the boys and girls to be independent. We are our own Prince (or Princess) Charming. We make our own fortunes, but should be able to accept help, when needed. Accepting help has been the hard part.
I grew up with my both parent and what i like more about them they taught me the value of independence and that why i wake up every morning knowing that i have to work extra hard and make my own money. thanks for sharing
Having your own money is priceless. Thanks for reading Caroline!
I was raised in a religious conservative environment where I was taught that careers and degrees were for women who were too ugly and too b*tchy to catch husbands.
WOW that’s deep MQ…reflects such a wide range of what we have been taught as girls. My concern is how those beliefs affect us in our adult lives – I hope you realized the truth as you grew up.
Most of the money lessons I was taught as a child that carried into my adult life were behaviors I picked up on. My family didn’t speak about wealth at all. They all hustled to get by. I was definitely a product of generational poverty and the mindset that comes with that. It wasn’t until I meant good friends and mentors that I really understood the purpose of building wealth, saving money and living beneath your means and not right at or above to get by.
I was taught a little from both camps. That is I learned that money was important, but you should try and not expect a man to do it all. That it takes two to have anything worth having. My problem now is trying to find a balance to building my own life and not feeling selfish for doing so. I have school age twin boys and finding time to do anything for myself, less than building a business is more than challenging. I want the financial freedom that is spoke about, but its a question of how and when. How can I do this and not feel like I am neglecting my kids? I want to teach and show them that you can achieve success in this world, but I want to be there for them as well. I often wonder does anyone else have small kids in this group. How do you find balance?
I think that this is a thought provoking article. I think that my grandmother and other female relatives actually taught me the exact opposite. To never rely on a man for ANYTHING and to be self-sufficient. Particularly because many of the men in our lives were unreliable. I know find that many career women I know are out earning their men counterparts. I just feel that when it comes to relationships that you both can work together in achieving financial goals so that no one feels used. I am glad that you realized your truth.
Thanks for reading Kathi! Yes, I saw the “unreliable” piece early on in my life as well . Which makes me wonder why finding a husband was supposed to be the holy grail…