Happy Black Woman

How I Travel: The Basics

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I’ve been traveling a lot this month for my business. So far in February, I’ve been in Modesto, Miami and Biloxi. When you hear me say I’m going anywhere in the United States, it is usually for a speaking engagement. Right now, professional speaking is where the bulk of my income comes from. Companies and organizations pay me a fee to present keynote speeches or workshops at their conferences and events. I charge my clients per engagement and they are also responsible for paying for my travel and expenses to get from where I am to where they are – and back.

Because of my business, I’ve visited about 30 different cities (many of them multiple times, like Denver, San Diego and Atlanta) in the past four years. Having a business that provides speaking and training services for organizations allows me to go to places I never would have thought to go on my own. I love the process of traveling, though I’ve only just recently (in the past year) begun feeling like a frequent flyer. I now know the layouts of most major U.S. airports, down to the food options that are available for someone who does not eat meat.

By following the same routine for every trip, I have figured out how to save time and stress even when I end up being out of town three-four times in one month (which is a lot for me). In this way, I am able to enjoy the process of traveling and seeing new people and places much more.

This is how I travel.

Before the Trip

I work with the event organizer to schedule my trip, including hotel and flight arrangements. Sometimes I pay for everything and then get reimbursed after the engagement. Sometimes the organization pays all the costs up front on their end. When I pay, I have more flexbility on which airlines I fly, which is helpful. I prefer to fly American Airlines when I can, so that I can maximize my frequent flyer miles with them toward my international trip later this year.

The day before I travel, I print out (or write down) all the confirmation numbers for my flight, hotel, rental car and shuttle, if applicable. I check-in online via the airline website the morning of my flight. I print out my boarding pass and itinerary at home so the only thing I have to do when I get to the airport is go straight to security. This saves a LOT of time.

UPDATE: I now use a fantastic iPhone app called TripIt (it’s free!) to organize all of my flight information. Also, wherever possible (like on United), I have my boarding pass sent to my iPhone and it just gets scanned by TSA and the flight attendants at the gate. Mobile boarding passes have changed my life and saved a lot of time looking for a printer at my hotel or having to stand in line at the airport. I just walk on through!

What I Wear On the Plane

I dress to be comfortable, not cute on the plane. I also get cold easily, so I make sure to layer my clothing and bring a coat, sweater or heavy sweatshirt with me.

  • A tank top
  • Yoga pants or light, tight fitting sweat pants
  • A yoga jacket or light sports jacket
  • A thick sweater or sweatshirt (I layer the sweater/sweatshirt on top of the sports jacket)
  • Thick white socks
  • Asics or Nike running shoes

After testing other clothing combinations, I’ve found that this is my favorite, no-fail outfit for traveling comfortably and staying warm on the airplane.

This outfit also saves me time going through security, as my running shoes are easy to slip off and then back on. The socks help a lot because then I don’t have to put my bare feet on the dirty airport floor. All I have to do is take off my outer jacket and it’s smooth sailing with TSA.

What Luggage I Use

For the past two years, I’ve been packing light. No checked bags. Checked bags can get lost (though this has only happened to me twice in four years). Checked bags also take longer (often MUCH longer) to retrieve because you have to go down to baggage claim and wait for the sucker to start rolling out your stuff. And to add insult to injury, on most airlines, it costs at least $25 for the privilege of having them check your bag. So I rely on one carry-on bag and a small backpack to take on the plane.

I use a Heys USA carry-on bag in black and gray. I love it because it fits everything I need inside. It also looks elegant and more expensive than it really is. (I got mine for $90 at Target.) I don’t use the expandable option of the bag, however, as it will not fit unto most airline overhead bins if you stuff any bag to the hilt that way.

In my Heys carry-on is where I put all of my clothing, shoes and toiletries. I can fit a month’s worth of clothing into my carry-on, provided I have access to a washing machine and dryer where I’m going.

In my backpack is where I put my laptop, computer accessories, wallet, iPod/earphones, cell phone and snacks. I also slip in a book to read as well as my notebook and journal.

What I Pack

Since I travel mostly for business, I’ll share what I pack for a 1-3 day trip for a speaking engagement. It’s important to note though, that I needed only to multiply most of these items by three to have enough clothes for almost a month in Hawaii.

Clothing

Two full outfits. This usually consists of:

  • The outfit to wear for my speech – a blazer, tank top, black slacks or dark-colored jeans
  • An outfit to wear to dinner (my hosts often arrange a special dinner for speakers/guests) – a skirt or jeans and a top
  • Two pair of shoes – black flats and a pair of heels
  • Pajamas
  • 2 bras, 2 pair of panties, 2 pair of socks

In addition to my travel outfit, this makes at least three total outfits I have available, but up to six if I mix and match the tops and bottoms.

Toiletries

  • Contact lens case and solution (small 4 oz bottle, TSA allows it for medical reasons)
  • Deodorant, baby powder, tampons/pads if needed
  • Travel sized bottles of lotion, facial scrub and scented body spray
  • Small makeup bag: liquid foundation, lipstick/gloss, eyeliner, mascara (I don’t wear very much makeup anymore)
  • Toothbrush, toothpaste, comb
  • Travel-sized spray bottle filled 1/4 with coconut oil (wrapped tightly in a plastic grocery bag to prevent leaks)
  • Small jewelry bag: two pair of earrings, a necklace and a ring or two
These items all fit neatly into the Heys outer compartment.

What I Do with My Natural Hair

As you already know, I take a very minimalist approach to my natural hair care. Right now, I like to wear it in its short, afro state or in finger twists. When I’m traveling, I just use the hotel shampoo and conditioner to wash my natural hair. I keep it moisturized by adding water to the coconut oil in my travel bottle, spraying my hair with the oil/water combination after my shower, then picking out my afro or twists. Turns out great every time.

What I Eat

Although most airports will have a place to purchase snacks and meals, I try to carry snacks with me in case there’s nothing I want available, which is frequently the case in tiny airports like the one I encountered in Springfield, Illinois. It also saves money. Lately I’ve been carrying pretzels, popcorn and/or crackers with me in my backpack. As for drinks, I rely on the free beverage service on the airplane to quench my thirst.

What I eat in the airport:

  • Green/fruit smoothies from places like Jamba Juice
  • Muffins and bagels from places like Starbucks
  • Pretzels from places like Auntie Anne’s
  • Tuna sandwiches (I can’t stand the all-veggie ones with just cheese and tomato and bread. Don’t know why. But you’ll never see me eating a tomato-mozzarella sandwich.)
  • Pizza or pasta from places like Sbarro (cheese or veggie)

If I get really hungry on the flight or don’t have enough time to buy a real meal in the airport, I buy the fruit and cheese plate that is often offered on the plane. (United Airlines has the best one, in my opinion.)

How do you travel, for business or otherwise? What else would you like to know about traveling?

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The Danger of Comparison Confidence

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Bratz articulated bodies compare.

There are a lot of sources from which we can derive self-confidence. Paying attention to our appearance and health; excelling at work or in business; being the best daughter, sister, mother, friend we can be; volunteering in the community; mastering a skill or hobby like art, dance, cooking or sports.

These are all useful strategies for increasing confidence within ourselves. They can make us feel good about being alive in our own skin.

What’s probably less useful in developing true self-confidence is when we base how we feel about ourselves on how we “stack up” to others.

I call this comparison confidence. Comparison confidence is when you compare yourself to another person and, finding your circumstances/appearance/stature in life to be better than theirs, develop a sense of superiority or false importance.

It’s one of the cheapest ways to “prove” to yourself how great of a person you are. It’s also one of the fastest ways to forget to be compassionate toward others.

Comparison confidence shows up when you find yourself saying or thinking:

  • That girl needs to put some clothes on! She’s out here looking like a $2 prostitute. I might not have her body, but at least I know how to cover up and have some respect for myself.
  • My sister is living like a heathen! She needs to accept Jesus into her life. SMH I might not be perfect but at least I’m going to heaven.
  • I would never let my child go out of the house like that! I’m not the best mother, but I’m a much better one than that kid’s mother is.
  • Man that XYZ celebrity on XYZ reality show needs to get her life together! I make much better decisions about my life than she does.
  • I can’t believe my best friend forgave her boyfriend for cheating on her! My own relationship is not the best, but at least my man comes home every night. Hmph.
  • Now that lady knows she needs to lose some weight. She is so fat! I struggle with my own weight loss journey, but hey at least I’m not obese like she is!
  • I can’t believe the women who come on Maury trying to find their baby daddy! My kids have two different fathers, but at least I know who they are. I’m not a whore like they are, thank goodness!
  • These young girls out here are so stupid. They let men run all over them! I’ve had my share of mistakes, but I’ve been there, done that. I’m running circles around these skanks!

Comparison confidence is present anytime we engage in the mindset that, “I might not be X, but at least I’m not Y.”

Not to mention that referring to another woman as a “whore” is a terrible way to make yourself feel superior, comparison confidence can make us focus on other people’s shortcomings while diminishing or dismissing our own.

When we compare our own lives to the next woman’s perceived messed-up situation, we can become overly confident about the direction we’re going in our own lives. It can cause us to gloss over the areas in which we need personal development to become better than ourselves, instead of better than someone else.

If you want to feel better about yourself, do things that will make you feel better about yourself. Do things that make you happy. Challenge yourself to pursue new, exciting goals for your life.

If you want to lift yourself up, then LIFT YOURSELF UP. Not tear someone else down in your comparisons of how much more attractive, virtuous, or smart you are than the other women around you. Reinvest the time you spend being critical of others into taking care of yourself.

P.S. Here’s what to do when you forget.

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Event Recap: Happy Black Woman Winter Happy Hour in DC

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For our third informal happy hour, over 20 ladies showed up to network and mingle at La Tasca in Washington, DC. Their downstairs bar was the perfect location for us – it was fashioned like someone’s well-decorated living room. This happy hour was extra special as my mom was able to join us and my grandmother was in town!

They also had some really great food and drink specials, like the La Tasca red wine sangria I enjoyed with a few tapas. Everything was under $4 before 7pm!

What made this happy hour a little different than some of the others was that I noticed even MORE natural-haired women joining us as well as entrepreneurs who are just getting their side hustle started or those who have been at it for a little while.

I had a lovely time meeting so many positive, happy black women who are doing big things. It’s amazing what can happen when we come together. A few ladies even made connections for potential business partnerships!

Most of all, we were just able to share good energy and good information with each other through lively conversations and sharing resources for what’s working for us in our lives and businesses right now.

Lots of ladies suggested that we make our happy hours a quarterly affair, so I’m hoping to put together a spring happy hour soon. A huge THANK YOU to everyone who came out on Monday for our third informal happy hour!

If you are interested in hosting a HBW happy hour in your city, I would love to support you, so please feel free to email me at rosetta (at) rosettathurman (dot) com. I have some tentative plans for HBW events/happy hours in a couple of other cities besides DC this year, so I will keep you updated as those unfold.

 

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10 Reminders to Be More Compassionate

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When you're ready...

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. – Plato

My personal mantra for 2012 is: “do everything in love.” One of the practices that goes along with that statement, for me, is compassion. The root of the word compassion means to suffer together with. How this virtue plays out in my daily life now is that whenever I feel myself getting annoyed or angry or judgmental, I do my best to ground myself in empathy for the other person. In this way, I am able to bypass a lot of negative, unloving feelings. It’s been a long time, actually, since I was really and truly angry at someone.

These are some of the reminders I use for myself to be more compassionate in my daily life. Perhaps they will prove useful to you as well.

  1. Remember that everyone you encounter today has been through or is going through something. Treat them accordingly.
  2. We all have feelings and needs. We all have trouble communicating them clearly. That’s just how it is. Listen to people and try to hear what’s not being said.
  3. Forgiveness is the ultimate form of love. Let disagreements and grudges go as soon as possible. The longer you let them fester, the longer it takes to get back to love.
  4. Always smile at the cashier in a long line. Assume that she’s doing her best under the circumstances. Give her a break. Same goes for restaurant workers and all other service professionals.
  5. Everyone wants to love and be loved. Let people love you without questioning their motives.
  6. Stop making people “earn” your kindness. Be kind because you want to, not as a reward for the other person being kind to you first.
  7. Don’t let one negative experience (or five) with a stranger, friend or lover keep you from being the loving person you really want to be.
  8. Begin to see every human encounter you have as an opportunity to learn how to become a more loving person.
  9. Instead of asking what you can get from others, ask yourself: What is the best part of myself I can give in this moment? How can I offer to help another person today?
  10. Say “thank you.” Say “I love you.” Say “I’m sorry.” Repeat often.
How are you practicing compassion in your own life? 

 

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What You Won’t Find on Pinterest

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I can see the stars all the way from here.  

This is what morning looks like for me in Baltimore. I took this picture as I was walking the few blocks from where I am staying now to XS, one of my favorite restaurant/cafes, for french toast and coffee.

I needed to work on a few writing projects and I needed to be out of the house, away from the cozy warmth of my room and my bed. I’m seeking to avoid distraction as much as possible.

Sometimes, the familiar can be distracting.

So can inspiration.

Are you on Pinterest?

I just discovered the site a few weeks ago. Many ladies use it to post links to things that inspire them or things they wish they had in their lives – furniture, fashion, recipes, products. But less than 24 hours of setting up my little pinboards, I knew I had to hightail it out of there.

Pinterest and all the other sites like it can take away precious time from pursuing the life you’re “pinning” about. Even this site can become a time suck if you let it. If you find yourself spending too much time here (or even on Facebook or Twitter), it’s fine to take a break. Unsubscribe. Unfollow. Leave your account dormant for awhile. It will all be there when you get back.

As a social media super user myself, I’m not saying to swear off the internet. No ma’am.

But what I am saying is that it can be counterproductive to sit online day after day wishing you could have this, buy that or replicate this or that person’s style. We only have so many hours in the day, and if several of them are spent coveting someone else’s life, you’re not really doing what you need to do to maximize your own.

I mean, think about it. It would take quite a bit of effort, focus and time to earn the extra money to purchase any of the lovely things you “pin” about wanting. So the time to get started is probably now.

Do you really want the life you’re pinning about? If so, when are you going to start doing what it takes to get the things you want?

How about now?

What are you waiting on? A permission slip? Good luck with that.

No one is going to give it to you.

And you’re not going to find it on Pinterest.

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5 Ways to Earn More Money

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As 2012 begins, many of us are looking at our monthly budget and wondering why we don’t make more money than we do. The good news though, is that this year offers new business and career opportunities for all of us! Here are just a few ideas you can try in your career or in your business.

Ask for a Raise

If you work for someone else, make this the year you ask for a raise. Don’t wait to be “given” one. Remember, it never hurts to ask. Make sure you take some time this month to take stock of your accomplishments at work within the last year:

  • What was your contribution to the company’s goals?
  • How much money did you make for the organization?
  • What new projects or clients were you responsible for bringing in?
  • What’s your specific strength that you bring to the table that your company can’t live without?

I always encourage people to do a “self-review” before they go into any performance review situation with their boss or supervisor. Always be clear with yourself on what your value was to the organization throughout the year and it will help you make your case for a raise during your annual review. And yes, even if you don’t have a formal evaluation coming up at your job, you can still set a meeting with your boss to discuss your compensation.

Find Another Job

If you can’t make more money in your current job, it may be time to look elsewhere. A lot of companies are preying on the “bad economy” sentiment these days, but the truth is that a LOT of organizations are doing quite well and would love to pay you top dollar for your talent. The people who are getting great jobs today are not the ones who are internalizing the negative chatter about the bad economy, but the ones who are out there showcasing their value to companies who do have job openings. Make sure you:

Put yourself out there and you may be surprised at what opportunities you’ll find!

Start a Side Hustle

If you don’t necessarily want another job, consider starting a side hustle to earn more money in addition to your 9 to 5. A side hustle is a job that you do on the side in addition to your full-time job. Whether you take on a second job, do hair in your basement, provide consulting services or bake cakes to sell at the farmer’s market on the weekend, a side hustle is when you provide products or services in order to make money on the side. Typically, you would take something you’re good at (or passionate about) and offer it to people who want it. That sweet spot of skill and demand is your side hustle, baby! Many people eventually start making enough money with their side hustle to make it their full-time gig. Read about my story here. And check out the rest of my How to Start a Side Hustle series for more ideas for how you can do this yourself.

Add Another Product or Income Stream

If you already have your own side hustle or small business, consider adding another product or service in addition to the ones you already sell. If you only bake one flavor of cake to sell right now, start baking another flavor to add to your menu. If you only sell website design services through your blog right now, you might want to add logo design as well. In my own business, I added coaching services in 2010. Even though I had already been coaching people for over a year, I had never really advertised or promoted it as a formal part of my services. Now that I do, I’m getting way more coaching clients coming through my door!

Raise Your Rates

If you have a business that focuses on providing services (i.e. coaching, personal training, babysitting, dog walking, etc.), raise your rates this year. People understand that the cost of living isn’t getting any cheaper and if there were any “good” time to raise your rates, the beginning of the year would be it. Let your current clients and customers know about the rate increase in advance so they can make arrangements. If your service is top-notch (which I would hope that it is), your clients won’t mind paying a few extra dollars. And over time, that means more money for you!

If you weren’t totally satisfied with your income last year, hopefully these are some steps you can take to be more fulfilled this year. What are some other ways to bring in more money as the new year settles in?

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What to Get Rid Of

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Dumpsters

Yesterday’s post about my move to Baltimore and continued downsizing prompted some great comments and emails about how, exactly, to get started in creating a life with less stuff (and maybe more experiences instead).

We do this exercise as part of the 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge, but if you don’t plan on joining us for that program, the parameters below can be helpful to do when you have a free weekend or day off.

How to Decide What to Get Rid Of

If you’re feeling like you have too much stuff or there’s too much clutter in your living space, it’s a good sign that you need to start getting rid of some things. Your stuff might be holding you back from going after what you really want. My sister just moved to a big expensive apartment because she “needed” enough room to hold all of her furniture. So having a lot of stuff can also cost you money as it often comes at a price to store it either in your apartment, house or a storage facility.

Go through your living space and look around at all the things you own. Ask yourself if you really need or really love everything you’ve got sitting in your house, room or apartment. Go through closets, bedrooms, shelves, storage rooms, even your home office. For each item, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Do I really need this?
  • Do I really love/want this?

Be honest with your answers. If the answer for any item is yes, keep it and keep loving it. If the answer for any item is no, kick it to the curb by throwing it away, giving it away or recycling it. The idea is to get rid of ALL the stuff you don’t need or love. If you don’t need it or love it, it’s gotta go. Every single bit of it. If you have a roommate, live-in partner, spouse or kids, you can also ask them to do the same.

Things You Might Want to Get Rid Of

  • Clothes (most of us have only a few outfits that we wear over and over any way)
  • Shoes (many of us have shoes we only wear once a year with one specific outfit – why let them keep taking up space?)
  • Old newspapers and magazines (if you haven’t read it by now…)
  • Knick-knacks (and the curio cabinet they’re sitting in)
  • Dishes (do you really need 16 coffee cups?)
  • Old photos and gifts you never look at or use (sentimentality can be expensive)
  • Rarely used or broken appliances/electronics (get them fixed or get rid of them)
  • Anything you haven’t used or worn in six months (you probably never will)
  • Things you’ve never used or worn (let it go already)
  • Clothes with the price tags still on them from a month ago (return them or give them away)
What is it time for you to get rid of?
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How Much Do You Really Need?

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This is where I am living now. I found it on Airbnb Sublets.

It’s been five months since I gave up my apartment and I’ve found a new place to explore. This week, I moved to Baltimore, Maryland. I am renting a room in a Bolton Hill townhouse. It is a lovely neighborhood. I will be here until the spring, maybe longer.

When I got back from drinking mai tais in Hawaii and visiting family in Florida, I stayed at my mom’s house until I decided where I wanted to go next. I looked at several places in the area as I wanted to stay close to home for a while. I missed a lot of things I didn’t think I would miss. Like being able to drive my own car to the store whenever I felt like it.

Before I left for Hawaii, I had two bins of clothing being stored at my mom’s house, along with two bins of books. Now, I’m down to just one 20-gallon plastic bin that fits all the clothing I own. That’s because when I came back, I took all the clothes I hadn’t worn in the last six months and gave them to a charity that picks up bags of items from your home.

This is the room I’m staying in now.

In it is a bed, a nightstand, a mirror. There’s a yoga mat on the other side of the room that you can’t see. I have my own bathroom. There is wi-fi here but no desk, which forces me to go downstairs to the dining room table or out to one of the many neighborhood coffee shops to do my work. Yesterday, I wrote three blog posts and booked a speaking engagement while eating french toast and sushi at one of my favorite restaurant/cafes, XS. I love that I can walk there from where I’m staying.

It costs less than $500 to live here for a month.

Everything I own now fits into my car. (Plus, my car.)

I’m learning that the list of what I really need in life is very short. With my expenses way down, I can focus on paying debt and saving money for a trip abroad this year.

How much do you really need? If you downsized your living situation, would it help you reach other goals you have for your life?

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Three Ways to Force Yourself to Pursue Your Goals

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I attended the Oahu online entrepreneurs meetup last month when I was in Hawaii. It was a really cool group of people there sharing information, ideas and inspiration about how they make a living with various online businesses.

I met a guy who had just quit his job, sold all his stuff and moved to Honolulu to live by the beach and start his own web design company. Amazing.

He and I talked about how productive you become when you force yourself to create. Without the security of a full-time job, now he HAS to hustle. It’s sink or swim for this guy. No turning back. He chose to follow his own dream and now it was time for him to turn it into reality.

Could you do that?

If you wanted to. If you forced yourself to, maybe.

Without any “way out,” people will, more often than not, rise to the challenge and do remarkable things with their lives.

Why? Well, without a “Plan B” there’s kinda no other choice but to pursue your Plan A.

If you’re struggling to make progress on your own dreams and goals, it might be time to start introducing some constraints to force yourself to get going.

What kind of constraints?

Set a Firm Deadline

Give yourself a deadline for when you want to complete XYZ by. Write it down. Put it on your calendar. Set reminders on your iPhone. Schedule all your free time around your dream. Block out your early mornings, evenings and weekends for the next six months. If you’re serious, this is how it gets done. It’s the only way that “someday” will ever be more than a fairy tale.

Create External Pressure

Tell everyone you’re going to do whatever it is you want to do. And tell them when. (See #1.) Announce it on your blog, like Monique at Brown Vegan just did with her new vegan consulting service for moms. Tell all your friends. Talk to your family about it. That way, every time you run into someone, they’ll ask you “how’s that goal coming?” You’ll be embarrassed if you haven’t made any progress, yet blabbed your mouth off about it to everyone around you.

Make One Big Move

Instead of taking baby steps for nine years, you might get further faster by going ALL IN right now. Your One Big Move is the decision that, once you make it, there’s no turning back. Taking this leap will throw you into the deep end of the pool with the sharks. The guy I met in Hawaii made his One Big Move by literally moving. He sold all his stuff and moved to where he wanted to live with an idea and a plan. Your One Big Move might be quitting your job, leaving your partner, selling your house, entering into a formal business partnership with someone or any other decisions that force you to abandon the old life you keep saying you want to change.

How will you force yourself to pursue your goals this year?

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Rosetta ThurmanRosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.

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