Rosetta, Author at Happy Black Woman

Three Lessons I Learned in My First Three Months of Not Having an Apartment

November 17, 2011 | By Rosetta |

What happens after you give up your apartment to save money? Lots of things, apparently. Here’s a bit of what I’ve learned so far.

So last night, I bid farewell to the room I’ve been renting for the last three months. For the next two weeks, I’ll be staying with my mom until I leave for Hawaii for almost a month. As I was packing up my things, I started reflecting on my experience living in someone else’s home. Not only was it not as bad as I thought, but I’ll be exploring this option further in my travels very soon.

There are a lot of things you can live without. (Most of your “needs” are actually “wants.”)

Over the last three months, I went from having a 600-square foot apartment to having a small room in someone’s home. I had everything I needed in my old apartment – or so I thought. I didn’t actually need a walk-in closet. Or hardwood floors. Or a balcony. Those things were nice, but as I’ve downsized, I learned that I really don’t need much at all. Obviously, I need a furnished room since I gave up all my furniture. But very few things need to be in that room. A bed. A dresser (and even this I could do without as I have bins for my clothes). A desk where I can do my work. A private bathroom (still haven’t tried the shared bathroom set-up, though I likely will soon). A parking spot for my car (for now). Add kitchen and laundry privileges and I’m set.

What other people think about your living situation doesn’t matter.

In the DC area it’s pretty common for young professionals to live with several roommates, but in other parts of the country . . . maybe not so much. At 28, some people might look at you funny for not having your own spot. But it’s important to remember that those people are NOT paying your bills! Their opinion of you should not matter. Even my mom has referred to me as “homeless” on more than one occasion, which bothered me at first. But I had to immediately shift my mindset to stay in the power of the decision that I made to modify my lifestyle. Most homeless people have no choice but to wander, but thankfully I do. If I wanted to, I could do a lot of things the conventional way. But I am choosing to experiment with something different at this point in my life. There is so much power in that.

New possibilities open up when you start living with less.

I feel like there’s been such a weight lifted off of me over these past few months. Yes, there is the fact that I’m saving $600 a month by not having an apartment in the city, but there’s more to it than that. I feel free. I feel like I can go anywhere. And technically, I can! I just have to be able to get to an airport to travel to my various speaking engagements throughout the year. (And have clients who can pay for the flight!) By forcing myself to live with drastically fewer things for three months (all my clothes now fit into two 20-gallon plastic bins), I’ve seen how much more mobile I’ve become. Travel just seems much more possible for me now.

Overall, my experience renting a room has been positive. My next step is to figure out where I’ll be staying in January once I come back to the mainland from Hawaii (and after spending the Christmas holiday with family in Florida). But honestly, I’m really not ready to think about that just yet. Right now, I’m thinking of palm trees and mai tais. And maybe having a Happy Black Woman Happy Hour in Honolulu??? Let me know if I have any readers on the island and we’ll see if we can put something together during November 28-December 21!

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What’s Your Plan A?

November 15, 2011 | By Rosetta |

Last week, I wrote about planning for Plan A.

A few days later, Safiya Ah posted this powerful comment:

I woke up in the middle of the night with my laptop right beside me and this website was still up. Before reading this I thought I didn’t even have a clear plan B and absolutely no Plan A. I recently lost my job and have been in such a rut that I have forgotten all of my plans and for that matter how to dream. As I sat here it started slowly coming back to me. I remember a few months ago when I knew that I might lose my job. I told myself I would work on my body and start dancing again. I mean really dedicating myself. I also wanted to learn and compete in Latin ballroom. I even sought out a coach before I lost my job and lost my way. I miss dancing. But,I’ve never thought of my dancing as something to take seriously. Just more like a hobby. Earlier today I was offered an opportunity to dance again and basically turned it down. Making up excuses about being out of shape and yadda, yadda, bullcrap (crazy right). Today I intend to take this offer more seriously, give it closer look and real consideration.

Thank you, Safiya.

Her comment made me realize that it’s really tough to plan for Plan A when you’re not sure what it is, exactly. So, I’d like to hear from you.

What’s your Plan A?

You can be as brief or as detailed in the comments as you like. Just be sure you share it here, so that we can begin having some deeper conversations about how to turn your ideal life from a faraway dream to a more immediate reality.

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Plan for Plan A

November 9, 2011 | By Rosetta |

Most of us have a Plan A, but we’re so afraid that it won’t happen that we spend most of our time on Plan B.

What’s Plan A? Plan A is your ideal life narrative. It’s what you really want your life to look like. It’s YOUR dream, not what everyone else thinks you should do.

Plan B is the “secure route.” It’s all the stuff you’re doing right now to put off making decisions about your life. It’s that job you hate. It’s the city you’ve been ready to leave. It’s all the relationships you’ve grown out of.

The problem with Plan B?

If you spend too much time on it, your Plan A will never happen.

What does planning for Plan A look like? It looks like starting that business you’ve been talking about for years. It looks like actually taking your “what ifs” seriously and figuring out how to make them happen. By any means necessary.

It looks like finally bursting out of your cocoon.

Where are you spending most of your time right now? Plan A or Plan B?

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What Are You Selling? (Hint: It’s Not Your Blog)

November 8, 2011 | By Rosetta |

I get a lot of emails from ladies who are in the beginning stages of starting a side hustle that fits their passion and aligns with their ideal life. In fact, over half of them say something like:

I love what you’re doing on Happy Black Woman, how can I do that, too?

The problem is, most people mistakenly think that this blog IS my business, when it is certainly NOT. I love writing here to document my own journey and encourage other women along in their path. That’s my main motivation for maintaining the site. What keeps it a priority on my list to be here every day is that I have also been able to earn a little bit of money from helping people through my work here.

This Blog is Not a Business

The blog itself? Nah, it’s not a business. And neither is yours.

I have a few advertisements and affiliate links on this site, but the revenue is hit or miss. Unreliable, but nice when a check comes in. My real business is writing, speaking, coaching, training, consulting. That has never changed. I get paid for my writing when I sell books and ebooks. I get paid when nonprofits and associations hire me to come speak at their conferences. I get paid when people book a coaching session with me to get clarity around their career, business or personal growth. I get paid to conduct workshops and webinars on leadership, career development, and social media. I get paid to help professionals build their personal brands for career advancement. I get paid to help entrepreneurs and small business owners develop their online marketing strategy.

Those are the products and services that I’m selling. My main site (along with this blog) allows me promote myself as someone who adds value to people’s lives through information and inspiration. In turn, that leads to more clients and customers. Same thing with my Twitter accounts and Facebook pages. They all serve a purpose in helping me sell myself so I can help more people and fulfill my personal mission.

How This Applies to You

If you want to build a successful business on the side – or turn your side hustle into your full-time hustle, you have to be very clear on what you’re selling. You want to create a website like mine? Fine. (Here’s my free ebook on how to start a blog.) Write to help people. Write to share your story and inspire others. Just remember that you cannot sell motivation alone. If you’re using it to promote your business, then your blog has to be a vehicle for something that actually brings in money.

Figure out what you’re selling. (Here’s a post I wrote on how to define your side hustle.) Then use your blog to promote your products or services to people who might be interested in buying.

Does this make sense to you? Is there anything I can clarify further about this process?

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Win Your Own Lottery

November 7, 2011 | By Rosetta |

All of us have said it at least once in our lives.

If only I could win the lottery . . .

I remember going down to the corner store with my grandmother in Ohio when I was a little girl. She had this little booklet of lottery number combinations and what they meant, sort of like an astrology book. It all confused me at the time, but as I got older I saw the debilitating effect of this habit of spending a dollar a day on an impossible dream. I’m sure Grama spent at least $365 a year on lottery tickets back then, even though we were still living in public housing, on the government’s dime.

I think about how easy it is to dismiss your own potential if you’re waiting around to hit the number, as if that’s the only way you’ll be able to have everything you want in life. As if that’s the only true path to happiness (which just happens to be all but unattainable.)

What happens when we wish for things that are outside of our control?

And not just the Mega Millions, but things like having a flawless body or the perfect boyfriend. It keeps us from striving for what’s really most important to us – not the things themselves, but the feeling of contentment that we can obtain in so many other ways.

I admit that I’m not up on the odds for winning the lottery these days, but I’m confident that they are still slim to none. Given the futility of wishing for that lucky four-number combo, maybe it’s time to start hitting your own numbers. Bet on yourself and your own ability to earn money from your unique skills and talents. That’s where the real jackpot is.

And the best part? No one else controls it but you.

Do you play the lottery? Are you still waiting to win?

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Write Down Your What Ifs

November 2, 2011 | By Rosetta |

Yesterday, I wrote about what to do when people don’t want you to change. But what if that’s not the problem? What if you’re 100% ready for a change in a particular area in your life, but just don’t know where to start? Your gut is telling you it’s time to make moves, time to seek higher ground and enter into a new and exciting stage of personal growth, but the missing piece is how.

For many of us, the seduction of starting over is so compelling that we daydream about it all day at work. We ask ourselves constantly, what if? Here’s how to begin turning those thoughts into a plan of action.

Write down all your “what ifs” in a journal.

I’ve been playing with the idea of moving away from the Washington, DC area for a while after I return from my first mini-retirement in Hawaii. I still love it here, but it’s been seven years now and it would be great to experience another part of the country for a bit. The only question is: where shall I go? The possibilities, of course, are infinite. I could probably move to a lot of places and thrive. But where do I really want to go? My intuition led me to revisit my Reset notebook and what did I find there? A bucket list of all the places I would like to visit or live in for a while.

From August 24, 2008.

On the list was:

Honolulu
Philadelphia
Atlanta
Tokyo
Italy
North Carolina
Chicago
New Orleans
New York
Bali
Canada
Fiji
Charlottesville, Virginia
London
Paris
Las Vegas
Jamaica
Bahamas
Bora Bora
India
Martha’s Vineyard
California
South Africa

Long list, I know! But in the last three years since I wrote the list, there are many places that I would cross off at this point, given where I am going with my life right now. I’m putting this list on the blog and out into the digital universe as a request for opportunities to be shown to me. What might be waiting for me on the soil of one of these cities/countries? Of course, the next step would be to begin pursuing one or more of these possibilities, but it helps to have a list to guide my initial efforts.

Do you write down your “what ifs?” Have any of them come true for you after being put down on paper?

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Cocoon Syndrome and What to Do When People Don’t Want You to Change

November 1, 2011 | By Rosetta |

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are. – Joseph Campbell

I’m writing this post from my favorite cafe in Northern Virginia: Panera Bread. I’ve fallen in love with their soups (their bagels are pretty amazing, too). Tonight, I’m slurping my way through a bowl of garden vegetable, served hot with pesto and crusty French bread. I’m drinking ginger peach tea and listening to Rosie Thomas, because her music makes me go inward. It makes me sit still and think.

Tonight, I’m thinking about what it means to be transformed.

We all say we want to improve our lives, but in reality, very few of us actually go beyond the self-help junkie stage to achieve true transformation.

What’s up with that?

In the last two years, I’ve gone natural, quit my job to work for myself, became a vegan (then transitioned to being a vegetarian after I lost too much weight as a vegan) and gave up my apartment to save money for travel. Along the way, I’ve also been able to cultivate a new outlook on the world, one filled with more hope and possibility.

The other day on the phone, my sister said that sometimes she feels as if she doesn’t know me anymore. To be completely honest, sometimes even I feel like I don’t know myself anymore. I’ve challenged and questioned everything I’ve known to be true over the past two years that I’ve been writing this blog, conducting lifestyle experiments and resetting my life. The result? Right now, I feel more aligned than ever in my life and work. It’s like I’ve finally come out of my cocoon.

What I’ve learned is that transformation itself is not difficult. Whenever I let go of my attachment to concepts, things and people that no longer serve me, I am able to open myself up to what the universe really has in store for my growth.

What I’ve learned (especially when I decided to cut off all my hair, big chop-style) is that I wasn’t really afraid of change in the first place. I was afraid of how other people would react to the new me.

People have, of course, reacted in various ways as I have gone through these various changes in my life. That’s what people do. We react. We all have our own worldviews and comfort zones, and when someone steps outside of them – even someone we love – our stuff starts coming out. For me, the changes I’ve been making in my life have been exciting and liberating. For others looking on from the outside, it might feel disorienting. So they often lash out. How now shall they interact with this new Rosetta?

(My aunt said to me recently, “It’s no fun to go out to eat with you anymore now that you’re a vegetarian. No chicken? No ribs? Where’s the Rosetta that used to throw down with us at the family barbecue?” She’s still here, I thought. Just not so . . . meaty.)

When this happens, I’ve found that it’s helpful to remember a few truths to ground myself in my own experience, not the experiences of others:

I am responsible for my own stuff. This life is mine alone to live and my happiness is mine alone to determine. Whether or not other people approve of my choices is never a good measuring stick for success or fulfillment.
I am not responsible for other people’s stuff. (And by “stuff” I mean other people’s desires, hangups, frustrations, or opinions.)

People will react. Expect them to. But don’t let it keep you from making the changes in your life that you know you need to make. Don’t let it keep you in a cocoon for too long.

Yes, transformation can be terrifying, especially when your family and friends don’t (and can’t) understand your journey. But perhaps what we should be more afraid of is the regret of not ever becoming who we really are.

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The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want (or Planning My First Mini-Retirement in Hawaii)

October 23, 2011 | By Rosetta |

Travel is never a question of money, but of courage. – Paulo Coelho

I know I said I was going to start going on extended world travel in 2012, but the universe has given me the opportunity to begin experimenting with that goal much sooner! Me and my co-author have been invited to speak at the 2011 Hawaii statewide nonprofit conference in Honolulu during November 29-30 and we couldn’t say ‘yes” fast enough. Yay for fun business travel! So I thought, why not stay for a while and get in some rest and relaxation on the beach? And that’s when the lizard brain kicked in . . .

Planning My First Mini-Retirement

As soon as I made the decision to stay in Hawaii for a few weeks, the lizard brain came along asking me all sorts of questions. Hawaii is expensive; how are you going to pay for all this? How long will you be able to stay there before you go broke? Are you really planning on staying in Hawaii for weeks with no concrete plans?

Oh, yes. Yes, I am. Why?

Because having the freedom to do whatever you want means nothing if you’re not brave enough to do whatever you want.

Despite my bold declarations, it took me months to buy my plane ticket, even though I knew it would be reimbursed by the client. (Hint: this kind of procrastination one of the most obvious forms of self-sabotage.) But last week, I finally booked my flight to Honolulu. This will be my first “mini-retirement” (see The 4-Hour Workweek, Lifestyle Design and Why It’s So Hard to Tell the Universe What You Want) and I will be living there for 3 1/2 weeks. Until now, I’ve never left home for longer than a week at a time.

I’ll be living on the cheap while on the island, so I’m looking at staying in a hostel or the dorms at the YMCA. I also have a few personal and professional connections there so I won’t be totally lonely. I’ve already begun scoping out Meetup groups as well as local networking events, not to mention the awesome nightlife on the weekends. During the week, I plan to be at the beach as much as possible!

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want

Amid all the excitement though, there is still this latent fear in me that I’ve been trying to pinpoint. Why would I be afraid to go to Hawaii? I’ve been there before. Hell, my family lived there for 6 years (1994-2000) after my mom married her first husband, a Navy man. It’s one of my absolute favorite places on earth. And yet, there is some apprehension there. Where is this irrational fear coming from? What’s going on here?

I’m afraid I won’t want to come home.

And beneath that is the deeper fear that I no longer have a “home.” Without being tied to an apartment lease or home mortgage (or a bunch of stuff to lug around with me), I am able to go wherever I wish to. I am free. And right now, I’m terrified of what that means.

What are YOU afraid of that’s holding you back from pursuing your ideal life? If you can’t find an answer that feels true for you right now, keep asking until you can see the fear for what it really is.

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Stop Asking Should

October 16, 2011 | By Rosetta |

As kids, most of us lived our lives on impulse. If we wanted to create a work of art on the wall in the living room, we got out the crayons and started scribbling until someone came to stop us. If we wanted a cookie and the cookie jar was there for the taking, we stuck our grubby fingers in and ate cookies until we couldn’t eat any more.

Over time, though, we learned (through negative reinforcement) what things were socially acceptable and what things we might get out butts whooped for. Over time, we learned how to ask the question, “should I do this or not?” before taking action. For the most part, that sort of premeditation isn’t a bad thing. It’s important to think things through before you act.

Except when it comes to things like our dreams.

When it comes to deeply personal goals like your bucket list, there is no room for “should.” (Unless you put “rob a bank” on your bucket list, that is.) Since these are your unique dreams, there’s no way you could ask someone for advice on whether it’s OK to do or not. Why? Because they’re not you. If you ask your risk-averse, couch potato best friend if you should take off a week from work to go skydiving in Thailand, she’s probably gonna ask you what drugs you’re smoking.

The appropriate question to ask of your dreams, then, is not should, but how.

‘How’ is an empowering word. It gives you something to do instead of just trying to think your way into action. ‘How’ gives you the freedom to explore your options and ask other people for help, not advice (yes, there is a difference). When you ask ‘how’ instead of ‘should,’ you end up with questions that actually get you closer to your big dream. Like these:

What’s the first step I can take?
What ‘s one thing I can do today to move forward on this goal?
How much money do I need to save before I can do this?
What resources do I already have that can help me accomplish this goal?

For instance, if you already know you want to quit your job and become self-employed, you’re just wasting time asking all the people around you if you should. It’s more productive for you to start creating a plan for how you can begin to lay the groundwork for that particular goal.

Second-guessing your dreams is the easiest way to guarantee that they won’t come true. You don’t need anymore advice. You just need to get to work.

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Day 7: Ask One Person to Help You With Your Side Hustle

October 7, 2011 | By Rosetta |

This is the Day 7 post for the 7-Day Side Hustle Challenge. Learn more and join us here!

With all the things that are needed to build a successful side hustle, it can be pretty overwhelming to try to do it all on your own. So today, after all the work you put in this week, you’re going to take a deep breath and reach out and ask someone for help.

How? Well, chances are, you don’t talk to the people in your network who could help you as much as you could. Yes, it’s nice to post updates on Facebook and Twitter, but alas, everyone is not on those social networks, and even if they are, you can probably assume that they don’t read every single update you post. So, take a few moments today to do the following:

Think of someone who might be able to help you with your side hustle – either with spreading the word or actually creating the product or service. This could be a friend, family member, mentor, trusted colleague or even a fellow blogger.
Write an email, make a phone call or send a text to ask them to do something specific to help further your new business goals. Be sure you update them on what you’re working on. Specific asks could be to promote your product or service on social media, give you ideas for how you could best move forward or to introduce you to someone in their network who may be interested in supporting your work.
Whether they say yes or no, thank them for their time and think of ways that you can help them in the future. And if they can’t help you, move on to the next person on your list. Like my mom says, one monkey don’t stop no show!

I guarantee that there’s someone in your world that is willing to help you with your side hustle and get you to where you want to go!

After you’ve made your ask (yes, do it right now LOL), please share your experience with us in the comments! From whom did you ask for help and what did you ask for help with?

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Three Lessons I Learned in My First Three Months of Not Having an Apartment

There are a lot of things you can live without. (Most of your “needs” are actually “wants.”)

What other people think about your living situation doesn’t matter.

New possibilities open up when you start living with less.

What’s Your Plan A?

Plan for Plan A

What Are You Selling? (Hint: It’s Not Your Blog)

This Blog is Not a Business

How This Applies to You

Win Your Own Lottery

Write Down Your What Ifs

Write down all your “what ifs” in a journal.

Cocoon Syndrome and What to Do When People Don’t Want You to Change

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want (or Planning My First Mini-Retirement in Hawaii)

Planning My First Mini-Retirement

The Irrational Fear of Getting What You Want

Stop Asking Should

Day 7: Ask One Person to Help You With Your Side Hustle

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