Happy Black Woman

How to Downsize Your Living Situation, Reduce Your Expenses and Make Room for What You Really Want

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Last month, I made a huge change in my living situation. After much deliberation, I made the decision to move out of my studio apartment in Washington, DC to rent a room in Northern Virginia as part of my goal to save money for extended world travel next year.

As I’ve said before, most people who say they want to travel the world NEVER get past the wishful thinking phase because of their limiting beliefs around money. Many people still think traveling is just for rich people or celebrities! Of course, this negative mindset prevents us from seeing ALL the possibilities available to us. There are so many steps we can take that will get us closer to any goal we have for our lives, if we only take action.

But anyway, I’ve already completed one of the first tasks on my journey to achieve MY travel goals for next year: saving money by getting rid of my apartment. Several ladies have asked me to share more about my decision and the experience in downsizing my living situation, so today I’m offering some tips on how to go about this for yourself and other things I learned along the way.

Get Clear About What You Really Want

Most people I’ve spoken to seem shocked that anyone would ever want to go from having their own apartment to a shared living space. My response is that it all depends on what your goals are for your ideal life. If being “independent” for you means living completely on your own, fine. But if being “independent” means being able to have more money in your pocket, it might be worth it. For me, for right now, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks:

Here’s the deal. I very much want to spend the latter part of 2012 exploring Italy, Greece and Southeast Asia. At this point in my life, that desire trumps any insecurities about not having my own place.

Rethink Your “Must-Haves”

After I got out of college, I was dead-set against ever having a roommate. “I’m a grown ass woman!” I would say to myself. Grown women need their own space. But I never stopped to let myself consider what it was I really needed from my living situation. As I began to explore cost-cutting measures and renting a room, I discovered that I really only needed a few things to be content with a shared space:

  • My own room with a lock on the door
  • My own bathroom with a shower and tub
  • Kitchen privileges with a microwave, stove, fridge and oven
  • A parking space for my car
  • All utilities included, plus free wireless internet

Once I knew my real “must-haves,” it made it easier for me to find an opportunity that was right for me. If I had kids, I might have added other items to this list, but it’s still not impossible to downsize with little ones in tow. Many ladies have done it!

Determine How Much You Want to Save Per Month

My price range that I wanted to pay per month was initially $800-$1000. I figured since I was already paying over $1200 per month for my studio, any reduction would be a step ahead. Then, I started thinking more clearly. If I was going to make this huge change, I might as well save as much money as I possibly could! My final price range was $500-$800 per month to rent a room in a single family home. (You’re probably shaking your head at these prices but again, I live in the DC area where just having any place to live usually costs an arm and a leg.)

Research All Possible Options

For the DC area, the Craigslist “rooms and shares” section is a great place to find ads for rooms for rent. Roommates.com is another popular site. What I noticed were a few patterns as I did my research. All the “group house” type arrangements made pretty unbelievable claims in their ads that everyone was “quiet” and “clean.” Um, in a house of FIVE twentysomethings, I’d be very shocked if that was actually the case. Other rooms for rent were near colleges, so I expected to be living with kids who were still discovering the joys of getting drunk on school nights. No way! Finally, I settled on only responding to ads that described a single family home where I would be the sole renter. That’s how I found the room I’m living in now.

My current landlord owns a townhouse and is rarely home as she works and travels a lot, so I have the house to myself most of the time. It’s in a quiet neighborhood where I can take walks and focus on my work without being bothered. She also has a cute cat, Jazzpurr that is growing on me! Yes me, the former animal hater.  Sometimes I let Jazzpurr sit at my feet with her meowing while I write my blog posts. Overall, moving from an apartment to renting a room has been a great decision for me and what I want for my life.

Do you think this strategy would work for you and your financial goals? What are some other ways you could reduce your living expenses besides renting a room?

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67 Inspiring Quotes by Black Women on Happiness, Perseverance, Fear and Success

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If you follow me on Twitter @happyblackwoman, then you know how much I love sharing inspirational quotes to uplift and encourage others in their journey. As a centering exercise, I meditate on at least one quote each morning to get me started on my day. The only challenge I run into is that most of the “famous” quotes are typically from white men (though still useful) and it’s always been much harder to come across quotes from women in general, let alone black women. So I challenged myself to come up with as many as I could find to share with you and here they are – a list of 67 inspiring quotes by black women. Please use them in your own journey and share this post with as many people as you can on Twitter and Facebook!

Happiness Quotes by Black Women

  • “I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.” – June Jordan
  • “Life is short, and it’s up to you to make it sweet.” – Sadie Delany
  • “Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face.” – Carol Moseley-Braun
  • “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. ” – Audre Lorde
  • “Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” – Zora Neale Hurston
  • “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou
  • “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance. ” – bell hooks
  • “Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.” – Alice Walker
  • ‎”Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • ‎”In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor
  • “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. ” – Alice Walker
  • “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lena Horne
  • “All the money in the world doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t have time to enjoy it.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way. ” – Nikki Giovanni
  • “Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.” – Marva Collins
  • “I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace – a connection to what matters.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “I think there are things for all of us to do as long as we’re here and we’re healthy.” – Gwendolyn Brooks
  • “If you don’t understand yourself you don’t understand anybody else.” – Nikki Giovanni
  • “A crown, if it hurts us, is not worth wearing.” – Pearl Bailey
  • “Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker
  • “Self-esteem means knowing you are the dream.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free . . . your true self comes out.” — Tina Turner
  • “Take responsibility for yourself because no one’s going to take responsibility for you. I’m not a victim. I grow from this and I learn.” – Tyra Banks
  • “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.” – Nikki Giovanni
  • “The times may have changed, but the people are still the same. We’re still looking for love, and that will always be our struggle as human beings.” – Halle Berry
  • ‎”Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.” – Audre Lorde
  • “Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.” — Oprah Winfrey

Perseverance Quotes by Black Women

  • “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” – Wilma Rudolph
  • “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” – Maya Angelou
  • “I didn’t have anybody, really, no foundation in life, so I had to make my own way. Always, from the start. I had to go out in the world and become strong, to discover my mission in life.” – Tina Turner
  • “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “It’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you.” – Iyanla Vanzant
  • “You are on the eve of a complete victory. You can’t go wrong. The world is behind you.” – Josephine Baker
  • “You can fall, but you can rise also.” – Angelique Kidjo
  • “You will be wounded many times in your life. You’ll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God’s way of saying, “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.” It’s just an experience, just an experience.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “The triumph can’t be had without the struggle.” – Wilma Rudolph
  • “We will be ourselves and free, or die in the attempt. Harriet Tubman was not our great-grandmother for nothing.” – Alice Walker
  • “It’s a long old road, but I know I’m gonna find the end.” – Bessie Smith
  • “‘I can’t’ are two words that have never been in my vocabulary. I believe in me more than anything in this world.” – Wilma Rudolph
  • “Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do.” – Maya Angelou
  • “You’re not obligated to win. You’re obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.” – Marian Wright Edelman

Fear Quotes by Black Women

  • “When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. ” – Audre Lorde
  • “Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” – Marian Anderson
  • “African women in general need to know that it’s OK for them to be the way they are – to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence.” – Wangari Maathai
  • ‎”When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” – African Proverb
  • “Whatever you fear most has no power – it is your fear that has the power. The thing itself cannot touch you. But if you allow your fear to seep into your mind and overtake your thoughts, it will rob you of your life.” – Oprah Winfrey
  • “When we drop fear, we can draw nearer to people, we can draw nearer to the earth, we can draw nearer to all the heavenly creatures that surround us.” — bell hooks
  • “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” – Maya Angelou
  • “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

Success Quotes by Black Women

  • “I used to want the words ‘She tried’ on my tombstone. Now I want ‘She did it.'” – Katherine Dunham
  • “No person has the right to rain on your dreams.” – Marian Wright Edelman
  • “Success doesn’t come to you…you go to it.” – Marva Collins
  • “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” — Oprah Winfrey
  • “I am a woman who came from the cotton fields of the South. From there I was promoted to the washtub. From there I was promoted to the cook kitchen. And from there I promoted myself into the business of manufacturing hair goods and preparations….I have built my own factory on my own ground.” – Madam C.J. Walker
  • “Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.” – Wilma Rudolph
  • “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” – Lorraine Hansberry
  • “You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story.” — Lisa Nichols
  • “Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us.” – Susan L. Taylor
  • “It isn’t where you come from; it’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
  • “I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich, and rich is better.” – Bessie Smith
  • “I always wanted to be somebody. If I made it, it’s half because I was game enough to take a lot of punishment along the way and half because there were a lot of people who cared enough to help me.” – Althea Gibson
  • “Keep working hard and you can get anything that you want. If God gave you the talent, you should go for it. But don’t think it’s going to be easy. It’s hard!” – Aaliyah
  • “Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou
  • “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.” – Maya Angelou
  • “We are all gifted. That is our inheritance.” – Ethel Waters
  • “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

Click here for more inspirational quotes by black women.

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Four Ways to Save Money for a Trip Around the World

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You’ve probably noticed me hinting around the blog and in the newsletter about my longtime goal of extended world travel. One of the items on my bucket list is to go on a trip to several countries for a few months versus the typical one-week vacation I give myself every year. Well, I’ve decided that the time to start planning for that dream is NOW. And by planning, I don’t just mean writing about it, researching it and asking other people about it. I mean taking ACTION on it. It’s time to make good on something I’ve always wanted to do for myself and my personal growth.

Thing is, most people who say they want to travel the world never get past the wishful thinking phase because their limiting beliefs around money (only rich people can do stuff like that, etc.) prevent them from seeing the possibilities. I have to admit, I was one of those people. That is, until I read Chris Guillebeau’s amazing manifesto, The Art of Non-Conformity: Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World. Chris’ book basically kicked every excuse my lizard brain could come up with for not living my dream of being location independent to the curb. It was time for me to get to work. The first task? Saving money for my trip. Here’s what strategies I’ve been using so far. If you’re plotting a similar escape, these ideas may help you in your journey as well.

Decide Where You Want to Go (and When)

Ever since I heard about AirTreks from Tim Ferriss book, The Four Hour Workweek, I’ve been stalking their site every few months to daydream about my around-the-world trip. I’ve always wanted to visit Italy, Greece and lots of places in Asia. It just happens that next year, I will be turning 30 years old. I thought, wouldn’t it be great to celebrate my 30th birthday in another country? Why yes, yes it would. It also doesn’t hurt that my b-day is on New Year’s Eve and there are a ton of epic parties I could take part in, like in Tokyo or Sydney, Australia. I plan to leave next summer/fall 2012 for a duration of 3-6 months, staying in several different countries along the way.

Sketch Out a Basic Budget for Your Trip

I’ve been scoping out other people’s travel stories via blogs like YTravel Blog to see how much it actually costs to live on the road for a 3-6 months. Of course, your budget depends on how much you want to spend, but the average for a year seems to run around $15,000-20,000 if you’re going to spend a chunk of time in Asia, where the cost of living is super cheap. So I broke that down into $3,500-5,000 for 3 months, $8,000-10,000 for six and so on. I’m adding my round-the-world plane ticket on top of that ($3,000-5,000), just to be conservative. Still doing my research on costs, but the main way to keep them down during my trip will be to stay at hostels or guesthouses instead of fancy hotels. Eating from local restaurants or cooking my own food vs. tourist traps will help a lot as well.

Reduce Your Living Expenses

One of the biggest changes I had to make was to get rid of my apartment. I was living in DC paying $1,200 a month for rent on a tiny studio, in the city, close to all the nightlife and convenient transportation via the Metro. But I kept thinking of how much money I could be saving if I could cut my rent in half. Yes, HALF. So I decided to rent a room in someone’s house! I started looking on Craigslist’s “rooms and shares” section for a place in DC, Maryland or Virginia. Northern Virginia won out. It had the best options out of the three areas for $600 a month. The place I found has a private bathroom and a landlord who’s hardly ever home. It will take some getting used to (still feel like a houseguest), but the savings are totally worth it. I also get to be closer to my mom, who lives 10 minutes away, which was a huge perk to me choosing this place. Sidenote: One of my mental roadblocks in making the decision to rent a room also required me to get rid of the idea that “grown women” have their OWN apartment. Not if they want to travel the world on a budget, they don’t!

Earn More Money

Having this new income goal has definitely motivated me to take bigger risks in my business in terms of offering additional products and services. I have been promoting myself more to my audiences over the past few weeks and as a result, I now have a waiting list for new coaching clients, plus another full Side Hustle Boot Camp group! This was also the kick in the butt I needed to finally get the ball rolling to plan two LIVE events, something I’ve wanted to do for about a year now. This one is perhaps the riskiest business investment of all, but so far I’m seeing greater interest in the training I have to offer. Finally, I’ve also raised my speaking rates for organizations who want to hire me to present workshops or keynotes at their conferences.

So far, these money-saving strategies are putting me in a new mindset of taking the steps to reach what’s now an attainable goal vs. a lofty dream. The plan is really coming together, many years before I thought it would.

Have you ever gone on extended world travel before? If so, how did you save?

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Event Recap: Happy Black Woman Summer Happy Hour in DC

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For our second informal happy hour, over 50 ladies showed up to mix and mingle at Dirty Martini in Washington, DC. It was really exciting for me to see so many women come out because I never thought this blog would reach more than a handful of sisters in the DMV area.  We had about a dozen or so folks show up for the first happy hour, so I was expecting the same. We even had a sister join us from Delaware, plus a handful of “happy black men” who decided to crash the party. I guess they figured, why not go where the women are? Hmm.

Our sponsor for the evening was Diva Glass Slippers, a black-woman owned business based in Minnesota. The owner, Jacquelyn Wingfield, provided a creative assortment of her Diva Glass Slippers as favors for our wine glasses. They were a huge hit and most ladies took one or two of them home. I’m looking at mine right now, a zebra print one for all my happy hour adventures around the city!

Right now, I’m still on a high from meeting so many amazing happy black women and I wanted to share some of the photos that were taken by the lovely Jessica Pinkney. (They are also posted over on our Happy Black Woman Facebook Community.) Below the photos, I’ve shared some observations that I have been turning over in my mind since last week.

Observation #1: One of the ladies remarked on what kind of women the event attracted – mostly natural-haired black women with positive attitudes about life. Almost all of them had some type of business or “side hustle” that they were working on or promoting. Interesting!

Observation #2: The positive energy in the room was palpable. You could just feel the good vibes from all the women having great conversations and asking about each other’s ventures. I saw a lot of business cards being exchanged and a few clusters of ladies stayed way past happy hour chatting it up!

Observation #3: Lots of folks kept asking about the next event, which was awesome. What that says to me is that there’s value in our online connections, but perhaps much more possibility for our offline, in-person ones!.

Last, but not least, THANK YOU to everyone who came out on Friday for our second informal happy hour. Your presence meant so much and I hope you met lots of other happy black women to support you in your journey!

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Living Outside the Box: The Terrifying Freedom of Becoming Who You Really Are

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When I was a kid, I was the little girl who lived in the projects. I was one of many who stood in the free lunch line at school. I was a fatherless child being raised by a teenage mom.

When I was a teenager, I was the smart, geeky girl with Coke bottle glasses. I was the one all the boys made fun of. I was the teacher’s pet. I was the student all the popular girls wanted to cheat off of. Later on, I ditched the glasses for contacts and became the leggy hoochie mama wearing mini-skirts to class, ignoring all the boys. Payback!

When I was in college, I was the writer. I was the poet. I was the President of the English Club. I was a girlfriend and a future wife. I was a young black woman on her way UP.

After grad school, I was the nonprofit professional extraordinaire, on track to becoming a CEO of an organization sooner than I thought. I was an expert fundraiser, helping to raise over $1 million every year for the nonprofit I worked for. Then I left my job and became a consultant, working for myself.

There have been many things that have defined me over my short 28 years – or rather, that I have LET define me. My poverty, my pain, my relationships, my education, my clothes, my body, my salary, my job title.

Now, I am entering into a new stage of my life where none of those boxes are big enough or sufficient enough to hold the person I am becoming. None of those things are able to truly define me. Not anymore.

Getting Rid of the Boxes

Sometimes, when you’re unsure of your next step in life, boxes can be useful. Following all the rules that have been laid out for you is often easier than figuring out your own path. But after a while, a sort of disappointment sinks in. Is this it? Is this really the “good” life? Going to school, getting a job, then working my ass off my whole life just to wait for my freedom when I retire at 70? Being pressured by society to hurry up and get married by 30 and have kids before my eggs dry up? Postponing my dreams of travel and adventure for a more “secure” lifestyle?

Evolution is Terrifying

Over the past two years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the possibilities for a different life. And the more I learn, the more I end up living outside of all the boxes that have been set up for me as a young black woman in America. Every time I stop playing small, I end up feeling alienated from many of the people in my life. Most do not understand. They find it difficult to support you in your new journey. That is the terrifying part. Feeling alone. But the more I embrace my true gifts, the more I see the importance of focusing on my own personal growth. I see opportunities for living location independent and taking my business on the road. Right now, I’m in the process of researching my options for extended world travel next year. One of the items on my bucket list is to travel around the world, starting with Europe and Asia. As it turns out, the planning is not as complex as I thought. What was I waiting for?

My own evolution.

I am evolving into someone who is madly in love with herself and the world around her. I am growing into a person who is letting go of fear and living a life of happiness and purpose. I am a sister in the fierce pursuit of freedom.

And maybe, what I’m really experiencing right now is the gift of realization that I am no longer bound to a box. I have finally given myself permission to shed the shallow definitions of the past and become who I really am: a woman open to love.

What boxes have you let define you in your life? Which ones have been necessary for you to shed in your personal growth journey?

http://legacy-v1.happyblackwoman.com/the-4-hour-workweek-lifestyle-design-and-why-its-so-hard-to-tell-the-universe-what-you-want/
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Is it Time to Start Your Own Business?

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The reason why I talk about entrepreneurship as a personal development tool here on Happy Black Woman is because starting my own business has completely changed my life. Through my education company, Thurman Consulting, I earn a full-time living as an author, speaker, trainer and coach for nonprofit leaders and passionate entrepreneurs. I operate three blog properties online that bring in business through multiple income streams. The freedom I have now is priceless. So naturally, whenever I find something that has made a difference in my life, I want to share it with everyone I know. I want to shout it from the rooftops so that all of my fellow sisters can hear: “Another life is possible!” That is, if you want it.

NO, you don’t have to work for someone else your whole life if you don’t want to.

NO, it’s not impossible for you to build wealth in today’s economy.

YES, you can use your God-given gifts to earn extra money to support yourself and your family in a bigger way.

YES, you can live your ideal life of being the CEO of You sooner than you think.

Our current economy is not something to be feared. It’s actually something to celebrate, because it allows ALL of us an amazing opportunity to fulfill our true purpose through entrepreneurship. So what’s stopping you?

Many women get intimidated by the idea of starting their own businesses – like it’s this big complicated thing. It’s not. In fact, most successful entrepreneurs began their journey simply by starting a business on the side aka a “side hustle” while they were working a full-time job. This strategy reduces the risk to you and your family, plus gives you a chance to to test out your business ideas in the marketplace. If given the choice, most of you would probably choose doing what you love over the job you have now, right? Well, now just might be the perfect time to turn those dreams into reality! If not now, when?

Is it time to start your own business doing what you love? If you’ve been thinking about taking the leap into entrepreneurship, what type of business are you considering?

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How to Be in Your Power (and Stay There)

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I’ve recently fallen in love with the phrase “stay in your power.” I think I heard it on a teleseminar somewhere a while ago, and it has stuck with me ever since. For me, staying in your power means not letting your fear or any naysayers distract you from using your gifts to fulfill your true purpose.

But I think for most women who know what their purpose is, I’m probably preaching to the choir. You already know what I mean when I say to STAY in your power. It’s all well and good if you’ve already figured out how to access your inner wisdom at this stage of your life journey.

But what if you’ve never even experienced BEING in your power in the first place?

If you’re in that group, then this is where I’d like to focus you today. Most of the challenging situations we experience in life are challenging only because they leave us feeling frustrated, confused or powerless. But what if we were able to approach any obstacle with the confidence that we already have the power to overcome it? Well, then we would surely experience success in all areas of our lives.

Here’s what it means to be in your power, plus what that might look like for you in action.

Being in your power means:

Owning your ability to do whatever it is you want to accomplish in your life and business.

    What that looks like in action:

    • Not blaming other people for why you’re not getting ahead.
    • Not making lame excuses about not having enough time or money to do what you need to do.
    • Taking the steps needed to achieve the goals you’ve set for yourself.

    Being in your power means:

    Trusting yourself and the choices that are truly made for you, by you.

      What that looks like in action:

      • Not getting caught up in your need for other people’s approval.
      • Doing what makes you happy, regardless of what other people say or think about it.
      • Examining all of your choices to see if it’s really what YOU want or what someone else wants FOR you.

      Being in your power is an amazing path to personal freedom. Staying there means remembering these simple concepts and putting them into action in your life. The ultimate truth is that you are beautiful, powerful and free. Everything else is a lie.

      When was the last time you were in your power? How could you consciously access your power the next time you find yourself feeling frustrated, confused or powerless?

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      Is Your Religion Holding You Back from Succeeding in Life?

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      ‎”It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” – Eckhart Tolle

      I hesitated in writing this post for a long time because I didn’t want anyone to take it the wrong way. But honestly, if you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know that my intention is for everything I say to come from a place of love and service. That said, I felt so compelled to ask this particular question today because I’ve been having conversations with many sisters who struggle with self-sabotage in various ways. For black women in particular, our religious or spiritual beliefs often play a huge part in our decision-making . . . or lack thereof. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard ladies say things like:

      • “I know I need to change my life, but I’m just waiting on God to show me what to do.”
      • Or: “I want to accomplish XYZ, and I’m leaving it up to the Lord to tell me when it’s time for me to take the first step toward my goal.”
      • This one’s my favorite: “There’s nothing I want more than a fulfilling romantic relationship, so I’m just gonna sit in the house and wait for God to send a good man to knock on my door and sweep me off my feet.”

      If we’re honest with ourselves, we can admit that for the most part, we already know exactly what we need to do next in our lives. God has given us so much power and knowledge as human beings. 99.9% of the time, we don’t need any more advice. We just need to take action. But the thing is, even when these ladies do actually receive a sign or a gut feeling telling them exactly what to do, they freeze up.

      They don’t take any action whatsoever, even when the universe is telling them that it’s time to make a move.

      As it turns out, many women seem to be using the excuse that they are “waiting” on God as a socially acceptable phrase to mask the fear of actually moving forward and succeeding in life. I call BS.

      The Paradox of Faith

      As someone who very much believes in God and the divine order of the universe, I know how difficult it can be to discern whether you’re making decisions that are truly driven from a place of love or if you’re acting out of the familiar place of fear (which is the opposite of love). Do you want the truth, though? In any given situation, you will likely be called to take action before you have all the answers. You will need to step out on your faith even before you know what the outcome is going to be and despite what “real world” odds may be against you. This is the paradox of faith.

      Fear is Not Faith

      I believe that our faith journey is all about learning how to choose love over fear and fulfill our true purpose for being on this earth. If you believe this, and if you believe in the strength of your own infinite possibility, then you know that your steps will always be guided along the way. You know that you don’t need anyone else to validate you. Yet all too often, we still seek out that constant validation from others because we’re so afraid of getting it wrong. Or even worse, what people will think of us if we fail. But we have to remember that fear is not faith. Action is.

      Put Your Faith Into Action

      If you are a spiritual or religious person, you face the challenge of trying to listen to your faith, while at the same time navigating through the negative energy of what the rest of the world is doing. It can sometimes seem as if your options are limited because of all the doom and gloom talk about the economy or the supposedly sad state of affairs for black women looking for love. Of course, none of this is your concern. Your role is continue to pray or meditate or whatever practice you use to set an intention. Just don’t pray for opportunity if you’re not going to take it when it comes to you. Because it WILL come. And it will probably come much sooner than you think. That’s what happens when you start taking your purpose seriously. That’s what happens when you put your faith into action.

      As you’ve probably figured out by now, my answer to the question that I posed in the title of this post is a resounding NO. God is not to blame for why you’re not succeeding in your life. You are. And it’s time to stop using your religious or spiritual beliefs as an excuse to play small. It’s time you finally began sharing your unique gifts with the world.

      Have you been using your religious or spiritual beliefs as an excuse to procrastinate on living your ideal life? If so, what’s one thing you can do today to change that?

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      Why the People You Follow on Twitter Might Be Making You Miserable

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      I’m a big fan of Twitter. It’s been great for building new relationships in both my personal and professional life. Now that millions of people are using the social network every day, I’ve noticed that there are certain segments of people who use Twitter in very different ways. They use it primarily to air their complaints, dissatisfaction and general unhappiness with every aspect of their lives (and the lives of others). You’ve probably got some of these people in your timeline. They can be easily recognized by their constant negative updates that usually start with or contain the words “I hate” or some form of snarky commentary about their job, co-workers, family members or the latest celebrity scandal.

      Many of these people will often proclaim that Twitter is “free therapy” and that’s why they overshare so much about the depressing events in their lives. I think it’s interesting that some people describe and use the network that way, but no…Twitter is actually NOT a good replacement for therapy. Venting is not the same as healing.

      What you will find on Twitter are people who will affirm your negativity. They will egg you on when you go on a rant against someone or something that’s bothering you. They will encourage you to continue to engage in unhealthy online behavior by RTing you or communicating with you throughout the day. Therapy, on the other hand, is what will help you move past your own personal challenges and actually find solutions to your problems.

      Twitter is an interesting case study for human behavior, especially for black women, as we are one of the most active ethnic/gender groups using the network. I was struck by this again today when one of my followers, @blackgirlinmain tweeted this:

      “…I think social media is an enabler to emotionally/mentally unhealthy people…echo chamber effect.”

      I think she’s totally right. And as it turns out, recent research on assortativity in online networks backs up this theory as well. The March 2011 study shows that unhappy people follow other unhappy people on Twitter and vice versa. In this way, negative or positive status updates (and emotions) get spread online between certain groups of people. In other words: birds of a feather flock together. If you post a negative, angry rant on Twitter, expect to engage with other negative, angry people as a result. After a while, you’ll find yourself with a timeline full of complainers and Debbie Downers every.single.day.

      If you do find yourself frustrated with the vibes that are coming from your Twitter timeline, here are a few tips:

      Unfollow people who do not add value to your stream (or your life, for that matter). If you have to think about it, they probably don’t. If you’re like me and already following thousands of people, just be more discerning and aware about who you follow in the future.

      Don’t get caught up in the latest “trending topic” just to be part of the conversation. This is not high school. Your life is not about getting noticed by the “cool kids.” Start your own (productive) conversation and you’ll find likeminded ladies who actually do add value and joy to your day. Ladies like @PeaceLovePretty, whose timeline is always an inspiration. Follow them!

      Reevaluate the purpose for your time on Twitter. Are you spending so much time conversing with negative people because you’re in a state of depression? Are you lonely and therefore subconsciously seeking out other lonely, unfulfilled people online? Be honest with your inner self and get help from a REAL therapist. You’ll experience healing much faster that way.

      Whatever you do, don’t let Twitter bring you down or distract you from the goals you have for your own well-being. (And yes, our online interactions drastically affect our mood just like our offline interactions do. There’s research on that, too.) Don’t let your online “friends” disturb your groove of becoming a better person and building positive, healthy relationships with others. Because, as the research shows, the people you follow on Twitter could literally be making you miserable.

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      Do You Have an Accountability Partner?

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      Yesterday, I spent some time with my mom, a.k.a MY business coach. She’s been the ultimate accountability partner in helping me get to the next level in my business. We talk almost every day and she knows how to ask me the tough questions about how I’m spending my time and reminding me of the goals I set out to accomplish this year. Of course, it helps that my mom is an entrepreneur herself, with a business that’s already earning six figures, which is where I want to be! I’m able to get so much more done knowing that she’s going to ask me about my progress on a regular basis.

      Do you have someone in your life like that? Do you have an accountability partner?

      What is an accountability partner?

      • a friend, family member, co-worker, mentor, coach or someone else you can trust to help you keep a commitment
      • someone on the same path as you or simply willing to help you in your specific journey
      • someone who can help you stay on track toward reaching your goals
      • someone who stands firm and won’t let you get away with making excuses or procrastinating
      • someone who will ask you all those difficult questions we tend to avoid

      It’s so important to have someone – paid or otherwise – to help keep you on track with your goals in life and business. It’s so easy for a year, five years, or even 10 years to go by and you still up there talking about how you’re “trying” to start a business, lose weight, get back into the dating game, etc.

      There’s nothing wrong with asking or even paying someone to help you. It just means that you’re serious about your goals. And if you’re really serious about changing your life, wouldn’t you WANT someone to make sure you keep moving forward? Otherwise, it may never happen for you…

      Of course, most of us already KNOW what we need to do to reach our goals. We know the steps, it’s just that we need help (a.k.a. a kick in the butt) to take action. Sometimes we get stuck because we’re holding a subconscious belief that we don’t deserve success. Sometimes we’re procrastinating due to a fear of failure. An accountability partner (and especially an actual coach) won’t allow you to let those blocks keep you down!

      How to find an accountability partner:

      • Ask a trusted friend, family member, co-worker, or mentor to help you. Make an ongoing weekly or monthly appointment to share a “progress report” by phone or in person.
      • Hire a coach. The benefit of a coach is that she will be objective in helping you reach your goal, whereas sometimes our loved ones can have ulterior motives in the advice they give. It’s not on purpose or in any kind of malicious way, it’s just that they typically want what they think is “best” for you.
      • Seek out online communities where there are people who have the same interests and goals as you. You want to surround yourself with other people who are making positive changes in their lives, because they will be more likely to want to help you do the same thing. Personal growth is contagious!

      Leave a comment:

      1. If you already have an accountability partner, how did you find them?
      2. If you want one, what’s the next step you will take to get one?
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      Rosetta ThurmanRosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.

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