Yes, I am well aware that this is yet another post with the title of a Teddy Pendergrass song. What can I say? If loving Teddy is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.
Today, I want to tell you a story. It is not my story, but the story of a woman I know that may resonate with you or your experiences. This woman recently found that her boyfriend was cheating on her with at least three other women. She was devastated. He had lied on a massive scale and led her to believe that she would be his future wife.
When she found out about his betrayal, she was adamant that she no longer wanted anything to do with him. He kept trying to convince her that it “wasn’t what it looked like” even though she had spoken to two of the other women herself to confirm her suspicions.
Still, he wanted to come over to “explain himself” in person. He kept sending her texts begging her to let him tell his side of the story. But she said she had already heard enough.
My advice? Send him one text. One short, solitary text.
It’s over.
Of course, that was easy for me to say, as I sat there rubbing her back and shaking my head as she recounted this sad sequence of events. I’ve never been in this particular situation myself. But my question to her was a simple one. If you already know that you no longer want to be with this man, why prolong the drama? Why not say goodbye right now so that you can begin your grieving process?
In situations like this, it may be best to close the door.
Close the door to people who keep on hurting you, making it painfully clear through their actions that they do not care about you. Close the door to people who obviously do not have your best interests at heart and have no intention of taking your existence seriously.
Forgive them when you’re ready. Just be sure to close the door in the meantime.
Close the door, quietly if you can. You don’t need to make a grand scene of slamming it shut and shouting curse words from the other side. Simply pull the door gently, give it one last look and walk away. Hear the click of the latch behind you.
Down the hall is another door that holds the key to a happier life.
Are there any doors in your life that you need to close?
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
I had to do that with a former friend who kicked me and my husband out of her house when she agreed to let us live with her after we moved out of state. Things did not end well between us and we let her go. However, she kept trying to engage us through email us and sent a note with some of the mail she forwarded from her house to our new place trying to reconnect with us, but we decided to cut ties with her completely. I am vell versed in cutting ties with people very quickly if I see that things are going nowhere or the person is trying to use me. It is not easy, but I have to do what I need to for the sake of preserving my mental, emotional, and physical well being.
This post was very timely Rosetta. THANK YOU!!!!!!! I have written a letter entitled “Letting Go of My Dysfunctional Best Friendship”. The door is closed, and I didn’t do it loudly. I just walked away. Now I’m in the grieving process.
I love this post. Very enlightening. This part “You don’t need to make a grand scene of slamming it shut and shouting curse words from the other side. Simply pull the door gently, give it one last look and walk away. Hear the click of the latch behind you.” just speaks to me.
Thanks Rosetta.
Wow, Rosetta! This definitely resonated with me at this point in my life right now. I really just “closed the door” last week on a LOT of things! It had been a long time coming, but I already feel relief and productivity in my life by closing the door on a bunch of (in the famous words of reality TV without the expletives) “NON-FACTORS” that presented themselves as people and activities.
You said it best…just close the door. No need to make a grand announcement or action. Just move on with it.
Agreed. Cut all contact. Don’t look back. Only look forward.
I couldn’t agree more with you Rosetta! I have been there and I can say that it is really hard to walk away from relationships yes, even bad ones. It’s because we get comfortable. We get comfortable in the uncomfortable and it’s scary to come alive again. This is true for both jobs we cling to and hate as well as men ;-). And you’re right please don’t go down yelling “I’ll bust the windows out your car” we are and always be be better than that and as you said before Rosetta, We are enough.
Although, I don’t have any doors to close at this time. The doors that I started closing at that end of last year and the beginning of 2012, were closed quietly. The doors were relationships with people that weren’t going anywhere. Old friendships that had run their course in my life. I was afraid to let go, because they were familiar to me. The relationships tied me to my past, but they couldn’t help me grow into my future.When I finally built up the nerves to close the doors on these relationships my life went from vulnerable to victorious (Joyce Meyer).