When I was a kid, I was the little girl who lived in the projects. I was one of many who stood in the free lunch line at school. I was a fatherless child being raised by a teenage mom.
When I was a teenager, I was the smart, geeky girl with Coke bottle glasses. I was the one all the boys made fun of. I was the teacher’s pet. I was the student all the popular girls wanted to cheat off of. Later on, I ditched the glasses for contacts and became the leggy hoochie mama wearing mini-skirts to class, ignoring all the boys. Payback!
When I was in college, I was the writer. I was the poet. I was the President of the English Club. I was a girlfriend and a future wife. I was a young black woman on her way UP.
After grad school, I was the nonprofit professional extraordinaire, on track to becoming a CEO of an organization sooner than I thought. I was an expert fundraiser, helping to raise over $1 million every year for the nonprofit I worked for. Then I left my job and became a consultant, working for myself.
There have been many things that have defined me over my short 28 years – or rather, that I have LET define me. My poverty, my pain, my relationships, my education, my clothes, my body, my salary, my job title.
Now, I am entering into a new stage of my life where none of those boxes are big enough or sufficient enough to hold the person I am becoming. None of those things are able to truly define me. Not anymore.
Getting Rid of the Boxes
Sometimes, when you’re unsure of your next step in life, boxes can be useful. Following all the rules that have been laid out for you is often easier than figuring out your own path. But after a while, a sort of disappointment sinks in. Is this it? Is this really the “good” life? Going to school, getting a job, then working my ass off my whole life just to wait for my freedom when I retire at 70? Being pressured by society to hurry up and get married by 30 and have kids before my eggs dry up? Postponing my dreams of travel and adventure for a more “secure” lifestyle?
Evolution is Terrifying
Over the past two years, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the possibilities for a different life. And the more I learn, the more I end up living outside of all the boxes that have been set up for me as a young black woman in America. Every time I stop playing small, I end up feeling alienated from many of the people in my life. Most do not understand. They find it difficult to support you in your new journey. That is the terrifying part. Feeling alone. But the more I embrace my true gifts, the more I see the importance of focusing on my own personal growth. I see opportunities for living location independent and taking my business on the road. Right now, I’m in the process of researching my options for extended world travel next year. One of the items on my bucket list is to travel around the world, starting with Europe and Asia. As it turns out, the planning is not as complex as I thought. What was I waiting for?
My own evolution.
I am evolving into someone who is madly in love with herself and the world around her. I am growing into a person who is letting go of fear and living a life of happiness and purpose. I am a sister in the fierce pursuit of freedom.
And maybe, what I’m really experiencing right now is the gift of realization that I am no longer bound to a box. I have finally given myself permission to shed the shallow definitions of the past and become who I really am: a woman open to love.
What boxes have you let define you in your life? Which ones have been necessary for you to shed in your personal growth journey?
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.
Somehow you always manage to deliver a post on a topic I’m thinking about right on time. I’ve come to the realization that it is my own limited self-beliefs that are holding me back.
I knew that a lot (most) of society’s and my community’s assumptions and definitions about me were incorrect. In fact, I found myself spending a whole lot of energy and time arguing about they they were wrong. Until recently. I am starting to learn that it doesn’t matter what “They” say or even believe. It’s up to me to create what I have always argued was the truth. I had to take a moment when I realized that. Saying “no” to others is actually quite easy for me, I’m working on being able to “yes” to my own hopes and dreams. This is turning out to be a very big struggle for me.
I love this!
I’m always cheering you on down here. I’m looking a bit more seriously at the life map as I start to see folks around me make all these changes and I realize I don’t need to hold myself into boxes. I also believe God created us all unique for a reason and people hold themselves down trying to copy the exact path of someone else because the media, our families or someone who doesn’t mean any harm but is short-sighted tells us what to do.
Thanks for stopping by, Kristen :) You’re right that there are so many outside influences telling us who + how to be. To be your true self is an act of courage, I think.
Kudos, kudos, kudos! For being brave enough to take the leap, for the inspiration that it *works* (which is my fear), and for relating. One of the things that hit me reading this is how you speak about being alone – about people not understanding or supporting your decision(s). Loved ones who directly or indirectly encourage us to stay on a conventional path when that’s not who we are mean well – but can do us a disservice if we “listen.” As for me and my box, I’m grateful to say that, while I struggle with staying safe to people please, for the most part, I do what I want… My challenge at this point in life is that my financial obligations (mainly school loan and credit card debt) has created a situation where I feel that I may have to re-join the rat race to be responsible. Thing is, I’m afraid that if I do (i.e. commit to working a 9-to-5 to pay down debt and build savings), I’ll get comfortable and will not return to my true dream life.
Rosetta, you are phenomenal!!!!! I love how you are living and thanks for challenging all of your readers to become who they really are!!!!! And shout out to my girl natisha Willis who connected me to your blog….. Thank you both now it’s my time to continue to shred these boxes!!!!!!
Thanks for stopping by, Jessica! Natisha is awesome :)
I love it! Deep down, I never did like the idea of being “boxed in” that’s why I’m embracing change and trying to enjoy the journey. Admittedly, this is difficult for me as I’m shedding my control freak box. Be sure to write about owning your business and world travel so I can take notes. Cheering for ya!
Yes, I am learning to shed my control freak box, too! Just being open to where my journey leads me.
Amazing post! I agree with you that sometimes on the journey to self realization, it can be lonely. I’m also embracing the journey and realizing my life is too big to fit in the box. I’m freeing myself from its limitations.
Thanks for stopping by, Stacy! Here’s to playing BIG :)
Ahhh Rosetta! This article just gave me chills! You are truly embracing what God has for you and I applaud you and am encouraged by watching your journey!
Appreciate you reading, Ayoka! Peace to you in your journey as well :)
Great post! Living outside of a box (especially a box I haven’t put myself into) has been a goal of mine for the past few years. Growing up I lived in the “Black ppl” box – I was so invested in only doing things Black ppl do (who even comes up with these rules?). As I’ve gotten older I decided to just live for myself & stop trying to pigeonhole who I am & my journey.
I hear you on the “Black people” box LOL. It’s limiting to live your life trying to fit into it. I also think that’s part of what keeps folks from being able to fully support others on a different journey than they themselves have chosen to take.