Blog - Happy Black Woman

You Don’t Need Any More Advice

February 16, 2011 | By Rosetta |

This may sound counterintuitive coming from a coach, but no matter what life challenge you may be facing, most of the time it’s not really advice that you need. Nine times out of ten, when people ask me for advice, they don’t really want me to tell them how to do something. What they really want is for me to motivate them to actually do it. Deep down, I think most of us already know exactly what we need to do to improve our lives. More often than not, we’re just looking for validation from outside sources or the inspiration to take action.

Unfortunately, too many of us never take action.

We get the information, we pay for the coaching, we buy the books and training programs. We read and think and ponder and then read some more. We procrastinate and analyze to the point of inaction. And that’s really the problem. There is never any lack of information. No matter what you might want to accomplish in your life, there’s someone out there to give you advice – either for free or fee.

But it’s your job to take it.

What if the only way to get unstuck from where you are was to stop looking for advice from others? More specifically:

Stop reading books about it
Stop reading blogs about it
Stop talking about it
Stop thinking about it
Stop analyzing it
Stop asking people about it

What if the only way to move forward was to just do it?

When, you ask? Try now. Right this very moment. Stop reading this damn blog post and go take the first step toward pursuing your wildest dream. Then, you can sit back and watch the universe start working on your behalf.

Freedom is Priceless, But It’s Not Free

January 27, 2011 | By Rosetta |

These days, most of my time is focused on building my business. To be completely honest, I should probably say “all” my time, except for cooking, eating, sleeping, grooming and the occasional date or happy hour. I don’t watch TV. I don’t go shopping at the mall.

Everyday, I wake up and I work.

A few weeks ago, one of my readers emailed me to ask me if I sleep. I chuckled a bit, because I get this question all the time. I’m grateful for the concern, and yes I do sleep. I even take naps during the day! I just use my awake time a bit differently than many people do, because I’m on a path to design the life I want for myself. I’m working to achieve financial freedom and be location independent. I want this to happen not “someday,” but within five years.

These are some of my lofty goals:

YES, I want to make a six figure income from doing what I love.
YES, I want to be able to send my grandmother money every month to help her make ends meet.
YES, I want to be able to afford to visit my family more often during the year.
YES, I want to work less and have more time to explore my passions.
YES, I want to be able to live in Paris during the summer and Hawaii during the winter.
YES, I want to design the life of my dreams!

I wasn’t joking. And I realize that in order to reach these goals, it’s gonna take a lot from me in terms of focus, hard work and time. Granted, I don’t have a hubby or kids, so I still have more time than a lot of other women who are in the trenches of growing their businesses. The only person I have to take care of is myself. Which is a gift and a curse, right? On the one hand, I have fewer responsibilities . . . but on the other hand, there’s only one income in this household: mine. Some of my older friends tell me that being in my twenties is a great time to be starting out on my own and building wealth versus working for someone else. I agree, but there are a lot of other lessons no one really told me about business. Well, not just business, but the entire sort of mindset you have to have in order to be a successful entrepreneur and achieve financial freedom.

Freedom is hard work.

No, really. Being an entrepreneur is challenging enough. Sure, it’s great that I don’t have anybody’s boss breathing down my neck, but I have to be the one to motivate myself to do all the things that bring in business without anyone reminding me to: marketing, blogging, scheduling, etc. It’s exhausting and sometimes I look at my to-do list at the end of the day and wonder where the hours went. Here’s the thing about freedom. People always talk about how they want to be a millionaire (hell, put my name in that hat, too), but no one talks about how they want to work their ass off for five years to get there. Me? I’m putting the work in with the faith that the good stuff I’m putting out there in the universe is not just going to help people, but also going to create financial prosperity for me.

Freedom is lonely.

Yes. Oh, yes it is. There are very few people I can talk to about what building a business is like, especially an online business. No one understands (besides some of my fellow bloggers) how tough it is to share quality information on a regular basis and create products and services that people want to buy. Not to mention the pressure of waiting to see if they will or won’t take advantage of your stuff! Even most of my friends don’t know exactly what it is I do to earn money, and I’ve learned to be okay with that. We just talk about other topics when we hang out. But the stress of chasing a dream that very few people actually achieve? No one gets it. Very lonely.

But then, there are the amazing future benefits that I KNOW are possible despite the icky parts. The struggle and the sacrifice and the temporary stress are what keep most people from reaching their big, hairy audacious financial goals and ultimately living their ideal life.

But what if I told you that with a few years of hard work, you could have the life you’ve always dreamed of? That the success you yearn for is totally within your reach?

The life you want for yourself is absolutely available to you. No matter who you are, no matter where you live and no matter where you came from. But only if you want it bad enough. It will not come without hard work and focus and perseverance. No matter what you see in the magazines or on TV, there are no overnight successes. There is just you and the grind and the inevitable moment when it all comes together for you.

Freedom is priceless, yes. But it is not free.

Stop Saving Your Good Panties for Later

January 20, 2011 | By Rosetta |

Many of us were raised to only wear our “good clothes” for church, school or special occasions, a practice that’s followed us into adulthood when we buy our own clothing. I’ve done it a million times – bought a new outfit just to let it hang out in my closet until the right event, date or holiday gathering. I’ve had new clothes sit around for months because of this habit.

With the price tags still on.

Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project even shares the story of how she hoards her new underwear, “saving” them for months before she wears them.

Last week, as part of my July “buy a white t-shirt” campaign, I went to buy new underwear. When I got home, I forced myself to toss out my sorry old pairs, because I could feel myself tempted to “save” the new underwear. And indeed, even though the old underwear is gone, I find myself re-wearing the same laundered new pairs, so that I can “save” the new ones that are still neatly folded, with their tags on.

Why buy new clothes and then “save” them for months? Not wearing clothes is just as wasteful as throwing them away.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Do we really get some sort of twisted satisfaction from denying ourselves the gratification of wearing nice things? Or maybe we just don’t fully enjoy the effect of looking amazing unless someone else notices?

Whatever the reason, we have to stop the madness. This is just another way of delaying happiness until a specific event happens first. We have to remember that our life is right now, not later, when that special occasion finally comes around. You deserve to be happy every day. All day long. Eat your favorite foods. Wear your best clothes. Do what you love. That is happiness. That is living for the now and not some other later time.

I know I probably don’t need to remind you that tomorrow is not promised to any one of us. But I will. Because it’s not. And really, we have a responsibility to ourselves to make the most of the time we have today in this present moment. So please, wear your good panties right now while you can still enjoy them.

Are you a “panty hoarder?” Do you save your good clothes for special occasions? Why or why not?

Why You Need a Blog for Your Business + How to Get Started

January 14, 2011 | By Rosetta |

I’ve shared with you before my story of how I became the CEO of me, going from working a 9 to 5 as a nonprofit director to running my own full-time consulting business. I still get a lot of emails about that post from sisters who are trying to do the same thing – quit their jobs and work for themselves. But what I didn’t talk about in that post was exactly what I had to do to prepare and set myself up for the opportunity to be self-employed.

The short answer: I marketed myself like crazy.

Also known as building your personal brand, I cultivated an online presence with my leadership blog at rosettathurman.com for three years before I had enough clientele to branch out on my own. To be perfectly honest with you, if it weren’t for my blog, I wouldn’t even have a business! So, naturally, given my experience, the first piece of advice I give budding entrepreneurs is to START A BLOG. And not a free blog from WordPress.com or Blogger, but a real, professional, .com blog that showcases your expertise and talents with the world.

If you don’t have a professional blog yet, I highly recommend you download my FREE ebook, The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Blog. Geared toward newbie bloggers, this easy-to-read guide will take you from soup to nuts in terms of your blog concept, software, design, content, promotion and analytics. Longtime bloggers will also benefit from the marketing angle of the ebook which outlines how to build your personal brand online through blogging. After you get the technical stuff out of the way, the best ways to make your blog work for you in your business are to:

Become the “go-to” person in your niche.
Write great content that helps your audience.
Promote the hell out of it.

Easier said than done, right? Believe me, I know! Which is why I created The Blogging School. Join us there if you want to learn more about using a blog to promote your business.

What do you think of these ideas? Have blogs or other social media tools worked for you in launching and sustaining your business? What challenges do you face in building a successful blog?

Failure is Impossible

January 4, 2011 | By Rosetta |

The concept of “failure” is really all about perspective. If you think failure is possible, it becomes possible. If you think failure is impossible, then it’s impossible. I mean, we’re the ones who define failure, right? And the way I define failure is never trying. But if you do try and you miss your mark, you’re STILL successful because you went out on a limb and you learned something from the experience. You gained some lessons to take with you on the next journey.

That’s courage. That’s leadership. That’s personal growth. That’s progress. That is NOT failure.

But there are a few things we can do to minimize the feeling that we’ve failed somehow, even though intellectually we know it’s not true.

Set Your Parameters for Failure

For everything you do – every project, every relationship, every area of your life – ask yourself what constitutes success? Does it really have to be absolutely perfect? If it’s your career, do you fail when you don’t get promoted or do you succeed because you learned several new skills during the year? If it’s your business, are you a failure because you didn’t get any new clients this month or are you a success because you did learn how to set up a new marketing campaign for the next month? If it’s your love life, do you give up on relationships after one bad experience or do you move forward knowing that that experience will help you in future romances?

Frame Your Failure as Experience

Whenever something doesn’t go exactly the way I want it to, I immediately default to positive self-talk. Basically, I spin a positive story about how much I learned from the experience, even though on the surface, it looks like it blew up in my face. I constantly remind myself that the best way to learn is by doing. By trial and error. Lots of trial and lots of error. It’s what makes you wise. It’s what helps you grow and keep moving forward. And I know I don’t want to be stagnant.

Fail Fast and Fail Often

If you’re always pursuing new goals, pushing your boundaries, and testing your strengths and talents, you will rarely feel like a failure because hey, you’re “failing” all the time. You build up a tolerance. You build up the resilience to try new things and learn from them. And when you think about it, isn’t that actually the definition of success?

Honestly, there are very few times in my life where I feel like I’ve failed. Very few. I’ve made some mistakes and I wish I had done some things differently, but that is NOT failure.

That’s just real life.

What Orville Redenbacher Taught Me About Fear

January 3, 2011 | By Rosetta |

I love microwave popcorn. It’s one of the few salty snacks I allow myself to eat on a regular basis. I love the taste of hot, popped corn flavored with butter, nuked up in just a few minutes’ time.

Sometimes, I even eat popcorn for dinner. Don’t worry, it’s the organic kind :)

But here’s what I’ve recently noticed about my popcorn habit. I can’t STAND burnt popcorn. So, I stay right in front of the microwave while it cooks, listening for the popping to slow down even a fraction of a second so I can take out the bag before it burns. Now, there would be nothing inherently wrong with me doing that (even if it is a little anal) if it weren’t for the outcome.

I always take the popcorn out too soon.

I’m so afraid that it’s going to burn, that I often grab the bag from the microwave with half the kernels still unpopped! Sure, the popcorn I am left with is completely unscorched and delicious, but I don’t get nearly as much of a serving size than if I would’ve left it in a little longer.

I think it’s the same way with fear in our lives.

We have something that’s really important to us – a career, a relationship, a business – and we’re so afraid to mess it up that we stop short of taking steps that could make it better. We’d rather take the “good enough” version because we’re too afraid to take the risks that would lead us into greatness. So, what ends up happening is that we only get a fraction of what’s really possible in that area of our lives.

We’re so afraid of failure that we won’t let ourselves be great.

Does any of this resonate with you and how you operate in your own life? Popcorn lover or not :)

Three Ways to Start Living the Life of Your Dreams

November 16, 2010 | By Rosetta |

Tomorrow is not promised to any one of us, no matter how much we try to trick ourselves into believing that it is. We carry that calendar, cell phone and laptop as a crutch to ensure that we’re so busy there has to be a tomorrow so we can finish up that project, send that email, schedule that meeting. But the reality is that for all of us, there will be one day that tomorrow will not come. There will be one day when we do not roll over in the bed to hit the snooze button on the alarm clock. There will be one day when we will not wake up to greet the golden sky.

I heard author and motivational speaker John St. Augustine give a speech once at a book festival in Charlottesville, Virginia. He said to think of your life as a timeline. The average person lives to age 77. He said to think about where you are now on the timeline between your current age and 77. The space between is the unknown.

The problem is that most people are afraid of the unknown. Most people are so afraid of the unknown that they live unhappy and mediocre lives until they aren’t living anymore. They have big dreams that they’re even afraid to speak out loud for fear they might have to make them come true. But deep down, we all want the kind of courage it takes to live what John St. Augustine calls “the uncommon life.” Deep inside of each of us, there’s a glimmer of wanting light that yearns to do something real.

John says that living the uncommon life is about deliberately doing different things so your life will be better and more fulfilling. The uncommon life is not for people who say they’re going to wait until they get all their ducks in a row before they do what they really want to do. It’s not for people who insist that they’ll follow their dream of starting a business or spending more time with their family, or taking that trip to Paris . . . but only once they’ve reached a certain age or point in their lives. The uncommon life is only for people who are determined to live the live of their dreams.

Because we all know that tomorrow is not promised. All we really have is today.

So where do you start?

Eliminate Imaginary Barriers

You know, the ones that come from that negative voice in your head (also known as that damn lizard brain). Always telling you that you can’t do something because you’re too this or not enough that. You can focus all day long on your perceived personal attributes and shortcomings, but this will only serve to keep you from your real goal of improving your life. Also, when you focus on all the reasons why you’re not qualified or capable to do something, it prevents you from the reality of making plans to deal with the real barriers to following your dreams, which can actually be overcome with a little elbow grease and determination.

Do One Thing

Do one thing today to move your dream forward, even if it’s as simple as writing it down and taping it up on your computer. Do one thing today to remind yourself that life is too short not to do what makes you happy. Make that phone call, send that email, ask that scary question, create a life map. No matter how busy you are, you can always do at least one thing a day to move yourself closer to living the life of your dreams.

Embrace Possibility

Once you do take action on changing your life, believe with all your heart that the very best outcome awaits you. Setting and achieving goals is much easier when you live in the magical world of possibility. Sometimes, when I’m about to take a big step in my own journey, I write down my vision for it on a piece of paper and then bless it with the following affirmation:

I am beautiful and worthy of every truly beautiful thing. Amen.

Whatever you do, think positive thoughts as you take each step on your journey to living the life of your dreams. Before you know it, it will be so much easier not only to take each subsequent step, but to be able to walk with confidence into the path that you envision for yourself.

Stop Following The Rules

November 4, 2010 | By Rosetta |

When I look at the lives and accomplishments of the black women I most admire either for their business acumen or just the amazing lives they’ve been able to create for themselves, I realize they all have one thing in common.

They broke all The Rules.

And yes, I purposefully capitalized “The Rules” to emphasize their existence as this huge entity that tries to run our lives.

You know, all the “you can’t do that because” Rules like:

You’re too young.
You’re too old.
You’re too black.
You’re too poor.
You’re too late.
You’re not pretty enough.
You’re too pretty.
You’re too strong.
You’re not strong enough.
You’re not qualified.

Not to mention all The Rules that tell you that you have to do it just like this and don’t skip a step or it won’t work and oh make sure you don’t start until you’ve got all your ducks in a row and all the “what ifs” worked out and by the way you might as well wait until you’re 30 or 40 because that’s when you’ll really know what you want out of life.

Just think about how different their lives would’ve turned out if Oprah or B. Smith or Tyra Banks or Holly Robinson Peete or Ursula Burns had actually followed any of The Rules laid out for them.

Because contrary to what we’ve been taught over and over in school, success does not come automatically to those who simply follow The Rules.

Just because you go to college and get good grades doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll land your dream job. Ask all the unemployed college grads and they will tell you. Just because you go on to get a Master’s degree and your own condo and a nice car still does not guarantee you happiness in life. And we all know that even if you follow The Rules in any dating book or manual to the “T”, you are not guaranteed love for a lifetime.

Yet even though they really don’t work, The Rules will always be with us.

That’s because The Rules were created for all the people who are satisfied with “good enough.” They are perfect for the people who are fine with someone else telling them what to do with their lives and how to do it. The Rules are for people who are willing to settle for a mediocre life because they aren’t willing to put in the time or effort to create an amazing one.

But for those of us who want more out of life, The Rules are useless. We see that they can only take us so far and then we have to figure out the rest ourselves. We realize that we’re actually sick and tired of playing by The Rules anyway.

And then we decide to create our own.

How to Write and Self-Publish a Book in Three Months or Less

November 2, 2010 | By Rosetta |

Yesterday, I told you how I beat the lizard brain and published my first book. Last night, I learned that we sold 50 books in our first day of sales, which totally exceeded my expectations!

Today, in the same spirit of my “How to Start a Side Hustle” series, I want to dig a little bit into the specifics and share with you how I actually was able to write and publish the book in about three months. This post is for all the happy black women out there who want to write and publish their own book, novel or ebook. If you “have a book in you,” I’m talking right to you darlin’.

Tell Everyone You’re Writing a Book

About a year ago, I got the idea to write a book and I started telling people about it on my nonprofit blog, on Facebook, on Twitter, and in person. It was a great answer to the “what are you working on?” question. I talked about it so much that a major publisher approached me to explore the possibility of me writing a book for them. When the publisher ultimately rejected my book proposal, I was even more determined to get the book out there. And as it turns out, you get to keep more of your earnings by self-publishing anyway.

Find a Co-Author

Although I had years of content from my blog to build from for the book, I was feeling really overwhelmed by the thought of having to do all the work to put it all together on my own in any sort of timely fashion. One of my best decisions in the process was to enlist the help of one of my colleagues to help me write the book, edit the content and figure out all the logistics of self-publishing and marketing. She and I agreed to split the workload and the profits – a win/win for both of us!

Set a Hard Deadline

The first thing I did after choosing a co-author was to set a deadline. We picked November 1, 2010 as THE day the book would go on sale to the masses. We chose that date because it was three months out, which would force us to be very diligent in getting our drafts and edits together in a short amount of time. We locked ourselves in so we couldn’t drag out the process for what could have been a whole year, really. It was a deadline that was challenging enough to keep us on track, but not impossible to meet. Marketing and business guru Seth Godin would have called it “the day we ship,” no matter what.

Create a Timeline/Workplan

From that date, we worked backwards to create a timeline and workplan for when we had to have first draft, second draft, internal edits, external edits, etc. done. We also used a workplan to map out ideas for marketing, including when we would get the book website up and running, the cover designed, outreach to bloggers and journalists to review the book once it was done. We knew all the steps we had to take and when we had to take them if we were going to meet our November 1 deadline.

Choose a Publishing or Ebook Delivery Service

We decided to publish the book in two formats – a paperback and an ebook. We chose Lulu.com to sell the paperback version and E-junkie to sell the ebook version.

Lulu.com allows you to upload your manuscript, photos or digital files, use their formatting tools to get everything set up just the way you want, from size to binding to cover art, and…voila! You’re the proud parent of a brand new digital creation, ready to publish and cherish. The publishing process couldn’t be easier!

E-junkie provides shopping cart and buy now buttons to let you sell downloads and tangible goods on your website. They make it really easy to automate and secure the digital delivery of files and codes for your ebook!

Set Up a Book Website

One of the most important things we did was set up a website specifically to market and sell the book at http://nonprofitrockstartour.com. We signed up with Bluehost for a 12-month plan to host the site (only $7 a month!) and customized it using WordPress and the Headway theme. We used Aweber to set up a mailing list and ended up with 300 people signed up to learn more about the book!

Are you thinking about writing and self-publishing a book of your own? What challenges might you need to overcome before you get started?

Today Was a Good Day (Or How I Beat the Lizard Brain and Published My First Book)

November 1, 2010 | By Rosetta |

So there was no Monday Mixtape today, but it was nevertheless a very good day in the life of this happy black woman.

Today, I released my very first “real” book out into the world.

That’s my co-author Trista Harris on the left and me on the right. We did a photo shoot to promote the book with a Baltimore photographer named Tonika Garibaldi.

Yes.

After over three months of writing, editing and promoting, me and my co-author made the decision to self-publish How to Become a Nonprofit Rockstar: 50 Ways to Accelerate Your Career. If your career is in the nonprofit field (or you want it to be), our book will totally rock your world. You can buy it here, if you are so inclined.

Today, I chose love over fear. How?

By pushing “publish” and giving the world access to over three years worth of my professional writing and contributions to the nonprofit career field. I gave an infinite number of people permission to view my art, to comment on it, to tell their friends whether it rocked socks or royally sucked.

There were so many reasons not to. I could have waited three more years until I felt like we were official “experts” who were “qualified” enough to write a book.

I could have given in to the notion that no one would want to listen to a couple of young black women giving out nonprofit career advice. After all, before today, a book of this type, penned by women who looked like us, had never been published before in the nonprofit field.

I could have given in to the lizard brain after the publisher rejected our book proposal. It kept asking, what do you know? Who are you to write an entire book and think people will actually buy it? You don’t even have a publisher!

We probably could’ve spent another month just editing the content and fixing little typos.

Which probably would have led to us scrapping the whole thing. Not because the book wasn’t a good one, but because perfection is the enemy of what’s already perfect.

And because that’s what happens when you let too much doubt creep into your dreams.

Instead, the lizard brain lost today. And I won.