When I quit my job in 2010 to work for myself, I didn’t do it without a safety net. I had already secured two anchor clients. Anchor clients are contracts that provide a guaranteed stream of work for a defined amount of time, while you figure out your next move. When I left my job, I had one six-month contract and one 12-month contract. Financially, I was pretty set for my first year. Those initial contracts drastically reduced the monetary risk of self-employment.
“Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” – Henri Nouwen
My little cousin Elijah is three years old and, like any toddler, is very clear about what does and does not make him happy. If you suggest doing something he isn’t interested in, he breaks into a pout and states firmly, “I don’t WANT to.” As kids, most of us probably had a similar attitude. But as adults, it can feel impossible to get back to that time when we focused on our own happiness instead of trying to make everyone else happy. Yet, we have to remember that happiness is not something that just occurs automatically. The truth is, we have to constantly choose to be happy and make space for what we really want. Otherwise, it’s easy to get stuck in a rut after a while, focusing on all the things we dislike about our lives.
If you’ve been pouting like my little cousin Elijah lately, here are a few strategies you can use to start making room for more happiness in your life.
“A year from now you will wish you had started today.” – Karen Lamb
Every success story has to begin somewhere. Whether your goal is to lose weight or start your own business or travel the world or find a new love, at some point you have to take the first step.
Almost every morning, I listen to my “happy black woman” playlist, a series of songs with lyrics that motivate and inspire me to approach my life and work with optimism and self-love. I literally have all of them on a playlist on my iPod, all cued up for about an hour of good morning music to start my day off with. I share them with you now in the hopes that they might uplift you, too!
When I was a little girl, my family used to call me “nosy Rosie.” That was my nickname. They called me that because I was an extremely curious child. I always wanted to know what everyone was doing, how stuff worked, why certain things happened in the world.
I had a beautiful love affair with Encyclopedia Brown and idolized Nancy Drew as if she were a real person.
I wanted to know everything about everything.
When I was about six or so, my grandfather (or uncle, I can’t remember which) gave me a magnifying glass to play with. I thought it was the best gift ever. Now, I thought, I have the key to all the secrets of the world!
I can see the stars all the way from here.
This is what morning looks like for me in Baltimore. I took this picture as I was walking the few blocks from where I am staying now to XS, one of my favorite restaurant/cafes, for french toast and coffee.
I needed to work on a few writing projects and I needed to be out of the house, away from the cozy warmth of my room and my bed. I’m seeking to avoid distraction as much as possible.
Sometimes, the familiar can be distracting.
So can inspiration.
Are you on Pinterest?
I just discovered the site a few weeks ago. Many ladies use it to post links to things that inspire them or things they wish they had in their lives – furniture, fashion, recipes, products. But less than 24 hours of setting up my little pinboards, I knew I had to hightail it out of there.
Pinterest and all the other sites like it can take away precious time from pursuing the life you’re “pinning” about. Even this site can become a time suck if you let it. If you find yourself spending too much time here (or even on Facebook or Twitter), it’s fine to take a break. Unsubscribe. Unfollow. Leave your account dormant for awhile. It will all be there when you get back.
As a social media super user myself, I’m not saying to swear off the internet. No ma’am.
But what I am saying is that it can be counterproductive to sit online day after day wishing you could have this, buy that or replicate this or that person’s style. We only have so many hours in the day, and if several of them are spent coveting someone else’s life, you’re not really doing what you need to do to maximize your own.
I mean, think about it. It would take quite a bit of effort, focus and time to earn the extra money to purchase any of the lovely things you “pin” about wanting. So the time to get started is probably now.
Do you really want the life you’re pinning about? If so, when are you going to start doing what it takes to get the things you want?
How about now?
What are you waiting on? A permission slip? Good luck with that.
No one is going to give it to you.
And you’re not going to find it on Pinterest.
I attended the Oahu online entrepreneurs meetup last month when I was in Hawaii. It was a really cool group of people there sharing information, ideas and inspiration about how they make a living with various online businesses.
I met a guy who had just quit his job, sold all his stuff and moved to Honolulu to live by the beach and start his own web design company. Amazing.
He and I talked about how productive you become when you force yourself to create. Without the security of a full-time job, now he HAS to hustle. It’s sink or swim for this guy. No turning back. He chose to follow his own dream and now it was time for him to turn it into reality.
Could you do that?
If you wanted to. If you forced yourself to, maybe.
Without any “way out,” people will, more often than not, rise to the challenge and do remarkable things with their lives.
Why? Well, without a “Plan B” there’s kinda no other choice but to pursue your Plan A.
If you’re struggling to make progress on your own dreams and goals, it might be time to start introducing some constraints to force yourself to get going.
What kind of constraints?
Give yourself a deadline for when you want to complete XYZ by. Write it down. Put it on your calendar. Set reminders on your iPhone. Schedule all your free time around your dream. Block out your early mornings, evenings and weekends for the next six months. If you’re serious, this is how it gets done. It’s the only way that “someday” will ever be more than a fairy tale.
Tell everyone you’re going to do whatever it is you want to do. And tell them when. (See #1.) Announce it on your blog, like Monique at Brown Vegan just did with her new vegan consulting service for moms. Tell all your friends. Talk to your family about it. That way, every time you run into someone, they’ll ask you “how’s that goal coming?” You’ll be embarrassed if you haven’t made any progress, yet blabbed your mouth off about it to everyone around you.
Instead of taking baby steps for nine years, you might get further faster by going ALL IN right now. Your One Big Move is the decision that, once you make it, there’s no turning back. Taking this leap will throw you into the deep end of the pool with the sharks. The guy I met in Hawaii made his One Big Move by literally moving. He sold all his stuff and moved to where he wanted to live with an idea and a plan. Your One Big Move might be quitting your job, leaving your partner, selling your house, entering into a formal business partnership with someone or any other decisions that force you to abandon the old life you keep saying you want to change.
How will you force yourself to pursue your goals this year?
Over the past four years, I’ve developed quite a few blogs for my personal and professional development. I’ve also helped others launch their own websites as well. I’m no web design guru, but I can figure out how to get a simple, functional site up and running with relative ease. (For example, I designed the Happy Black Woman blog you’re reading now.)
Although I love learning all the ins and outs of WordPress and plugins and themes and widgets, my favorite part of the technical process of starting a new blog/website is the moment when it “goes live.” This means that the site is now ready to be viewed by the public. It may not be 100% perfect (in fact, it never is), but it’s good enough to show the world.
This is a great metaphor for your work in 2012.
Go live.
Think of 2012 as your launch year. The perfect year to start that business venture you’ve been talking about, set-up that new website you’ve been procrastinating on, get going on that longtime personal goal everyone else thinks is crazy, land that dream job you’ve wanted for so long.
2012 is the year to go live.
If you’re fortunate enough to wake up living and breathing on January 1, 2012, the best thing you can do to thank God is to use the rest of the year to share your unique gifts with the world.
Ask for help if you need it. (We all need it.)
Just get going. Then, tweak for “perfection” along the way.
It’s time to show the world what you’ve got.
We’ve been waiting on you to spread your beautiful wings.
We’ve been waiting on you to show us what you’re really made of.
Go live.
Stop hoarding your passion. Put it out there where we all can see it.
I know it’s scary.
Do it anyway.
How are you planning to “go live” in 2012? What will it take to make it happen? Who can you ask for help?
Last week, I wrote about planning for Plan A.
A few days later, Safiya Ah posted this powerful comment:
I woke up in the middle of the night with my laptop right beside me and this website was still up. Before reading this I thought I didn’t even have a clear plan B and absolutely no Plan A. I recently lost my job and have been in such a rut that I have forgotten all of my plans and for that matter how to dream. As I sat here it started slowly coming back to me. I remember a few months ago when I knew that I might lose my job. I told myself I would work on my body and start dancing again. I mean really dedicating myself. I also wanted to learn and compete in Latin ballroom. I even sought out a coach before I lost my job and lost my way. I miss dancing. But,I’ve never thought of my dancing as something to take seriously. Just more like a hobby. Earlier today I was offered an opportunity to dance again and basically turned it down. Making up excuses about being out of shape and yadda, yadda, bullcrap (crazy right). Today I intend to take this offer more seriously, give it closer look and real consideration.
Thank you, Safiya.
Her comment made me realize that it’s really tough to plan for Plan A when you’re not sure what it is, exactly. So, I’d like to hear from you.
What’s your Plan A?
You can be as brief or as detailed in the comments as you like. Just be sure you share it here, so that we can begin having some deeper conversations about how to turn your ideal life from a faraway dream to a more immediate reality.
Yesterday, I wrote about what to do when people don’t want you to change. But what if that’s not the problem? What if you’re 100% ready for a change in a particular area in your life, but just don’t know where to start? Your gut is telling you it’s time to make moves, time to seek higher ground and enter into a new and exciting stage of personal growth, but the missing piece is how.
For many of us, the seduction of starting over is so compelling that we daydream about it all day at work. We ask ourselves constantly, what if? Here’s how to begin turning those thoughts into a plan of action.
I’ve been playing with the idea of moving away from the Washington, DC area for a while after I return from my first mini-retirement in Hawaii. I still love it here, but it’s been seven years now and it would be great to experience another part of the country for a bit. The only question is: where shall I go? The possibilities, of course, are infinite. I could probably move to a lot of places and thrive. But where do I really want to go? My intuition led me to revisit my Reset notebook and what did I find there? A bucket list of all the places I would like to visit or live in for a while.
From August 24, 2008.
On the list was:
Rosetta Thurman is a nationally-recognized author, speaker, mentor and coach dedicated to helping women create their ideal lives.