As kids, most of us lived our lives on impulse. If we wanted to create a work of art on the wall in the living room, we got out the crayons and started scribbling until someone came to stop us. If we wanted a cookie and the cookie jar was there for the taking, we stuck our grubby fingers in and ate cookies until we couldn’t eat any more.

Over time, though, we learned (through negative reinforcement) what things were socially acceptable and what things we might get out butts whooped for. Over time, we learned how to ask the question, “should I do this or not?” before taking action. For the most part, that sort of premeditation isn’t a bad thing. It’s important to think things through before you act.

Except when it comes to things like our dreams.

When it comes to deeply personal goals like your bucket list, there is no room for “should.” (Unless you put “rob a bank” on your bucket list, that is.) Since these are your unique dreams, there’s no way you could ask someone for advice on whether it’s OK to do or not. Why? Because they’re not you. If you ask your risk-averse, couch potato best friend if you should take off a week from work to go skydiving in Thailand, she’s probably gonna ask you what drugs you’re smoking.

The appropriate question to ask of your dreams, then, is not should, but how.

‘How’ is an empowering word. It gives you something to do instead of just trying to think your way into action. ‘How’ gives you the freedom to explore your options and ask other people for help, not advice (yes, there is a difference). When you ask ‘how’ instead of ‘should,’ you end up with questions that actually get you closer to your big dream. Like these:

• What’s the first step I can take?
• What ‘s one thing I can do today to move forward on this goal?
• How much money do I need to save before I can do this?
• What resources do I already have that can help me accomplish this goal?

For instance, if you already know you want to quit your job and become self-employed, you’re just wasting time asking all the people around you if you should. It’s more productive for you to start creating a plan for how you can begin to lay the groundwork for that particular goal.

Second-guessing your dreams is the easiest way to guarantee that they won’t come true. You don’t need anymore advice. You just need to get to work.

If you follow me on Twitter @happyblackwoman, then you know how much I love sharing inspirational quotes to uplift and encourage others in their journey. As a centering exercise, I meditate on at least one quote each morning to get me started on my day. The only challenge I run into is that most of the “famous” quotes are typically from white men (though still useful) and it’s always been much harder to come across quotes from women in general, let alone black women. So I challenged myself to come up with as many as I could find to share with you and here they are – a list of 67 inspiring quotes by black women. Please use them in your own journey and share this post with as many people as you can on Twitter and Facebook!

Happiness Quotes by Black Women

• “I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.” – June Jordan
• “Life is short, and it’s up to you to make it sweet.” – Sadie Delany
• “Defining myself, as opposed to being defined by others, is one of the most difficult challenges I face.” – Carol Moseley-Braun
• “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive. ” – Audre Lorde
• “Sometimes, I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” – Zora Neale Hurston
• “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou
• “I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance. ” – bell hooks
• “Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.” – Alice Walker
• ‎”Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.” – Oprah Winfrey
• ‎”In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change — breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” — Susan L. Taylor
• “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. ” – Alice Walker
• “It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” – Lena Horne
• “All the money in the world doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t have time to enjoy it.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way. ” – Nikki Giovanni
• “Trust yourself. Think for yourself. Act for yourself. Speak for yourself. Be yourself. Imitation is suicide.” – Marva Collins
• “I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace – a connection to what matters.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “I think there are things for all of us to do as long as we’re here and we’re healthy.” – Gwendolyn Brooks
• “If you don’t understand yourself you don’t understand anybody else.” – Nikki Giovanni
• “A crown, if it hurts us, is not worth wearing.” – Pearl Bailey
• “Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker
• “Self-esteem means knowing you are the dream.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free . . . your true self comes out.” — Tina Turner
• “Take responsibility for yourself because no one’s going to take responsibility for you. I’m not a victim. I grow from this and I learn.” – Tyra Banks
• “Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect.” – Nikki Giovanni
• “The times may have changed, but the people are still the same. We’re still looking for love, and that will always be our struggle as human beings.” – Halle Berry
• ‎”Once we recognize what it is we are feeling, once we recognize we can feel deeply, love deeply, can feel joy, then we will demand that all parts of our lives produce that kind of joy.” – Audre Lorde
• “Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.” — Oprah Winfrey

Perseverance Quotes by Black Women

• “Winning is great, sure, but if you are really going to do something in life, the secret is learning how to lose. Nobody goes undefeated all the time. If you can pick up after a crushing defeat, and go on to win again, you are going to be a champion someday.” – Wilma Rudolph
• “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” – Maya Angelou
• “I didn’t have anybody, really, no foundation in life, so I had to make my own way. Always, from the start. I had to go out in the world and become strong, to discover my mission in life.” – Tina Turner
• “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “It’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you.” – Iyanla Vanzant
• “You are on the eve of a complete victory. You can’t go wrong. The world is behind you.” – Josephine Baker
• “You can fall, but you can rise also.” – Angelique Kidjo
• “You will be wounded many times in your life. You’ll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God’s way of saying, “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.” It’s just an experience, just an experience.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “The triumph can’t be had without the struggle.” – Wilma Rudolph
• “We will be ourselves and free, or die in the attempt. Harriet Tubman was not our great-grandmother for nothing.” – Alice Walker
• “It’s a long old road, but I know I’m gonna find the end.” – Bessie Smith
• “‘I can’t’ are two words that have never been in my vocabulary. I believe in me more than anything in this world.” – Wilma Rudolph
• “Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you…yet, someone survived…You can do anything you choose to do.” – Maya Angelou
• “You’re not obligated to win. You’re obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day.” – Marian Wright Edelman

Fear Quotes by Black Women

• “When I dare to be powerful – to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. ” – Audre Lorde
• “Fear is a disease that eats away at logic and makes man inhuman.” – Marian Anderson
• “African women in general need to know that it’s OK for them to be the way they are – to see the way they are as a strength, and to be liberated from fear and from silence.” – Wangari Maathai
• ‎”When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” – African Proverb
• “Whatever you fear most has no power – it is your fear that has the power. The thing itself cannot touch you. But if you allow your fear to seep into your mind and overtake your thoughts, it will rob you of your life.” – Oprah Winfrey
• “When we drop fear, we can draw nearer to people, we can draw nearer to the earth, we can draw nearer to all the heavenly creatures that surround us.” — bell hooks
• “Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” – Maya Angelou
• “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.” – Rosa Parks

Success Quotes by Black Women

• “I used to want the words ‘She tried’ on my tombstone. Now I want ‘She did it.'” – Katherine Dunham
• “No person has the right to rain on your dreams.” – Marian Wright Edelman
• “Success doesn’t come to you…you go to it.” – Marva Collins
• “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” — Oprah Winfrey
• “I am a woman who came from the cotton fields of the South. From there I was promoted to the washtub. From there I was promoted to the cook kitchen. And from there I promoted myself into the business of manufacturing hair goods and preparations….I have built my own factory on my own ground.” – Madam C.J. Walker
• “Never underestimate the power of dreams and the influence of the human spirit. We are all the same in this notion: The potential for greatness lives within each of us.” – Wilma Rudolph
• “The thing that makes you exceptional, if you are at all, is inevitably that which must also make you lonely.” – Lorraine Hansberry
• “You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story.” — Lisa Nichols
• “Whatever we believe about ourselves and our ability comes true for us.” – Susan L. Taylor
• “It isn’t where you come from; it’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
• “I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich, and rich is better.” – Bessie Smith
• “I always wanted to be somebody. If I made it, it’s half because I was game enough to take a lot of punishment along the way and half because there were a lot of people who cared enough to help me.” – Althea Gibson
• “Keep working hard and you can get anything that you want. If God gave you the talent, you should go for it. But don’t think it’s going to be easy. It’s hard!” – Aaliyah
• “Nothing will work unless you do.” – Maya Angelou
• “Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.” – Maya Angelou
• “We are all gifted. That is our inheritance.” – Ethel Waters
• “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

Click here for more inspirational quotes by black women.

When I look at the lives and accomplishments of the black women I most admire either for their business acumen or just the amazing lives they’ve been able to create for themselves, I realize they all have one thing in common.

They broke all The Rules.

And yes, I purposefully capitalized “The Rules” to emphasize their existence as this huge entity that tries to run our lives.

You know, all the “you can’t do that because” Rules like:

• You’re too young.
• You’re too old.
• You’re too black.
• You’re too poor.
• You’re too late.
• You’re not pretty enough.
• You’re too pretty.
• You’re too strong.
• You’re not strong enough.
• You’re not qualified.

Not to mention all The Rules that tell you that you have to do it just like this and don’t skip a step or it won’t work and oh make sure you don’t start until you’ve got all your ducks in a row and all the “what ifs” worked out and by the way you might as well wait until you’re 30 or 40 because that’s when you’ll really know what you want out of life.

Just think about how different their lives would’ve turned out if Oprah or B. Smith or Tyra Banks or Holly Robinson Peete or Ursula Burns had actually followed any of The Rules laid out for them.

Because contrary to what we’ve been taught over and over in school, success does not come automatically to those who simply follow The Rules.

Just because you go to college and get good grades doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll land your dream job. Ask all the unemployed college grads and they will tell you. Just because you go on to get a Master’s degree and your own condo and a nice car still does not guarantee you happiness in life. And we all know that even if you follow The Rules in any dating book or manual to the “T”, you are not guaranteed love for a lifetime.

Yet even though they really don’t work, The Rules will always be with us.

That’s because The Rules were created for all the people who are satisfied with “good enough.” They are perfect for the people who are fine with someone else telling them what to do with their lives and how to do it. The Rules are for people who are willing to settle for a mediocre life because they aren’t willing to put in the time or effort to create an amazing one.

But for those of us who want more out of life, The Rules are useless. We see that they can only take us so far and then we have to figure out the rest ourselves. We realize that we’re actually sick and tired of playing by The Rules anyway.

And then we decide to create our own.

So there was no Monday Mixtape today, but it was nevertheless a very good day in the life of this happy black woman.

Today, I released my very first “real” book out into the world.

That’s my co-author Trista Harris on the left and me on the right. We did a photo shoot to promote the book with a Baltimore photographer named Tonika Garibaldi.

Yes.

After over three months of writing, editing and promoting, me and my co-author made the decision to self-publish How to Become a Nonprofit Rockstar: 50 Ways to Accelerate Your Career. If your career is in the nonprofit field (or you want it to be), our book will totally rock your world. You can buy it here, if you are so inclined.

Today, I chose love over fear. How?

By pushing “publish” and giving the world access to over three years worth of my professional writing and contributions to the nonprofit career field. I gave an infinite number of people permission to view my art, to comment on it, to tell their friends whether it rocked socks or royally sucked.

There were so many reasons not to. I could have waited three more years until I felt like we were official “experts” who were “qualified” enough to write a book.

I could have given in to the notion that no one would want to listen to a couple of young black women giving out nonprofit career advice. After all, before today, a book of this type, penned by women who looked like us, had never been published before in the nonprofit field.

I could have given in to the lizard brain after the publisher rejected our book proposal. It kept asking, what do you know? Who are you to write an entire book and think people will actually buy it? You don’t even have a publisher!

We probably could’ve spent another month just editing the content and fixing little typos.

Which probably would have led to us scrapping the whole thing. Not because the book wasn’t a good one, but because perfection is the enemy of what’s already perfect.

And because that’s what happens when you let too much doubt creep into your dreams.

Instead, the lizard brain lost today. And I won.

My Aunt Joyce has always had a keen eye for interior design. She spends her weekends watching Home & Garden TV and scouting department stores for discounted decor. You walk into her house to beautiful flooring, trendy furniture, candle collections, vases of flowers in each corner, a lovely centerpiece on the table. Her passion in life is to make her surroundings as beautiful as possible, and it’s obvious that this skill comes to her naturally. She looks forward to her HGTV weekends all the more because she really hates her job and even her field of work – logistics support – and the demeaning way her supervisors treat her. But with only a high school diploma in a competitive job market, her options are limited. If only she could pursue another path that would allow her to do the kind of work she loves – interior design. If only she could reset her life.

Hip-hop group Outkast came out with a great song on their Speakerboxx album a few years ago called “Reset”. The whole song is about finding your destiny and following your dreams because life is just too damn short.

Start over again
Everything happens for a reason
Good doesn’t come without pain

As you listen to the rhymes of Big Boi, Khujo Goodie and Cee-Lo, you can’t help but be inspired that it is indeed possible to start over again.  You might be like my aunt, struggling to figure out where you need to go next and how you can muster the courage to take that first step.  This is all a part of the leadership of our daily lives – thinking about who we are, what the hell are we doing here, and then acting on our sense of purpose.

For many of us, however, it’s not that easy to change course. Many of us have made certain decisions early on in life that kept us from doing what we really wanted to do. And now you might be feeling stuck. What circumstances have you settled for despite a persistent feeling that it isn’t right for you? What dreams have you put on hold (or given up on) because you think they’re “unrealistic?” Confronting these questions could be the first step in resetting your life and getting back on track to living your ideal life.

Because contrary to what your lizard brain is telling you, good enough is just not good enough. And the Daily OM reminds us that we all pretty much already know, instinctively, what we need to do to change our lives. We just need to summon the light that’s already inside of us to help propel us to make that change.

Often, your inner voice will counsel you that it’s time for a change, and it is very important to trust yourself because only you know what is best for you. The choices you’ve made and the dreams you’ve held onto can give you an idea of what you don’t want to do anymore and what you might like to do next.

If you realize that you life is out of whack with the dreams you have for yourself, commit to take some action today. Do at least one thing every day to move past fear and get closer to your dreams. Want to go back to school? Get on the ‘net to gather information about your desired field of study. Call the admissions office to see what the process is like. Want to start a side hustle? Connect with other small business owners one day, the next day research web hosts for your new blog. You can build momentum toward your goal in baby steps.

It is when you are willing to listen to yourself and be fearless that figuring out your next step becomes easy. Beneath the fear and hesitation and uncertainty lies your inner knowing that always knows which step you need to take next.

Today is the day to reset your life and follow your dreams. You always have the option to start over. Yes, even you.

Before I go, I thought that you all should know this
Recognize and realize before any regretting
Before you relapse, perhaps you’ll consider resetting