Free Yourself: A Manifesto for Letting Go of Fear and Living Life on Your Own Terms

July 4, 2013 | By Rosetta |

On Independence Day in the U.S., many Happy Black Woman readers are off work, enjoying the holiday. The 4th of July marks the true beginning of summer for me, but it’s also a reminder that it’s actually JULY! That means we’re halfway through the year. The first six months of 2013 are already GONE. Done. Finito. Forever.

Last night, I posted this question in our Happy Black Woman Facebook Community:

What is ONE GOAL you want to accomplish over the NEXT six months?

Many women shared goals of losing weight, building their business, traveling, getting a new job, etc. But what I know about goals is that sometimes it’s hard for us to dream BIG because we let fear get in the way. We allow ourselves to get stuck in what other people think we should be doing with our lives.

That’s why on Independence Day, I decided to release my brand new manifesto…

Free Yourself: A Manifesto for Letting Go of Fear and Living Life on Your Own Terms

Free Yourself is a 40-page ebook containing some of my best ideas about overcoming your fears and claiming your freedom from the status quo. It’s a collection of 11 articles I’ve written over the past three 1/2 years that have inspired and motivated women all over the world to pursue their big dreams. And it’s totally FREE :) Simply click the link below to download your copy and start reading now!

Click here to download your complimentary copy of Free Yourself

You might want to print out this manifesto, make a cup of tea (my favorite is Earl Grey with a bit of almond milk and brown sugar) and begin thinking about how you can free yourself from your own fears and start living the life you really want.

Can you do me a favor and please share it with a friend if you find the content useful? My goal this year is to reach as many women as possible with the truth that we can do anything we want with our lives. I’d also love to hear from YOU, so come over to the Happy Black Woman Facebook Community and post a message to tell me how you’re going to FREE YOURSELF and pursue your big goal over the next six months of 2013!

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7 Steps to Release Negativity, Set Big Goals and Start Living the Life of Your Dreams

June 25, 2013 | By Rosetta |

There can be a lot of mental roadblocks that get in the way when it comes to pursuing your goals, but you have the power to overcome them. Here are 7 powerful steps to help you make progress!

1. Remove negative energy from your life.

“One of the lessons that I grew up with was to always stay true to yourself and never let what somebody else says distract you from your goals. And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am.” – Michelle Obama

Sometimes the environment you live and socialize in can create a rut for you over time. Pay attention to the people you surround yourself with. Others can project their own fears and negative attitudes onto you if you hang around them too long. This is when it might be time for you to make new friends. You also want to be mindful of the negative energy you create through your own behavior – such as gossip, being snarky and judging others. Strive to put positive vibes out into the universe and it’s likely that you will get that same energy reflected back to you!

2. Make your goal specific and actionable.

“Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” ― Paulo Coelho

Ask yourself this question when it comes to your goals: What do you want to do, have or become? Be as specific as possible, not vague. For example, “I want to be wealthy” is a vague goal. “I want to be earning $50,000 per year by December 31, 2015” is more specific and inspiring!

3. Set a firm deadline for your goal.

“People with clear, written goals, accomplish far more in a shorter period of time than people without them could ever imagine.” – Brian Tracy

Give yourself a deadline for when you want to complete your goal by. And no, “someday” is not a deadline! Write it down. Put it on your calendar. Set reminders on your iPhone. Then schedule all your free time around your dream. Block out your early mornings, evenings and weekends for the next six months. If you’re serious, this is how it gets done. It’s the only way that “someday” will ever be more than a fairy tale. For example, “I want to quit my job by January 1, 2016.”

4. Find a community to support your goal.

“No person, trying to take responsibility for her or his identity, should have to be so alone. There must be those among whom we can sit down and weep, and still be counted as warriors.” ― Adrienne Rich

It can feel incredibly lonely as you go through the process of pursing your dreams. Especially if your friends and family don’t understand or support what you’re trying to do. Fortunately, you can find like-minded people who are on the same path to success. Look for groups on Meetup.com, LinkedIn, Craigslist, your place of worship, women’s associations, book clubs, etc. Do some looking around and you will eventually find your tribe!

5. Create external pressure.

“It’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about.” ― Shauna Niequist

Tell everyone you’re going to do whatever it is you want to do. And tell them by when. (See #3.) Announce it on your blog. Tell all your friends. Talk to your family about it. That way, every time you run into someone, they’ll ask you “how’s that goal coming?” You’ll be embarrassed if you haven’t made any progress, yet blabbed your mouth off about it to everyone around you. Yes, it’s pressure, but it’s good pressure to help you stay accountable to the life you really want.

6. Make one big move.

“You must take action now that will move you towards your goals. Develop a sense of urgency in your life.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Instead of taking baby steps for nine years, you might get further faster by going ALL IN right now. Your One Big Move is the decision that, once you make it, there’s no turning back. Taking this leap will throw you into the deep end of the pool with the sharks. On a recent trip to Hawaii, I met a guy who made his One Big Move by literally moving. He quit his job, sold all his stuff and moved to where he wanted to live with just an idea and a loose plan. Your One Big Move might be ditching your 9 to 5, leaving your partner, selling your house, entering into a formal business partnership with someone or any other decisions that force you to abandon the old life you keep saying you want to change.

7. Press reset.

“You must accept that you might fail; then, if you do your best and still don’t win, at least you can be satisfied that you’ve tried. If you don’t accept failure as a possibility, you don’t set high goals, you don’t branch out, you don’t try – you don’t take the risk.” – Rosalynn Carter

No matter how great you are at goal-setting, at some point there will be some part of your vision that doesn’t go according to plan. It’s important to remember that you can get up and dust yourself off, then press the “reset” button on your life. No mistake is final. As long as you’re alive, you can always start over and try again.

If you’re not making any progress on your goals right now (or not making as much headway as you want to), try following some of these steps to turn it around. I’d love to hear about your big goals! Please leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded women, ask questions and get support

***

Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman, a supportive community that helps women create their ideal lives through personal development and entrepreneurship. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

Join thousands of women who have completed the only online course that gives you all the tools you need to get unstuck, set clear goals and rediscover who you truly are. Learn more about my 31 Days to Reset Your Life program here.

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Three Simple Ways to Start Making Money in Your Business Right Now

June 20, 2013 | By Rosetta |

When I first started my business back in 2008, it was as a side hustle in addition to my full-time nonprofit job. I had been blogging for less than a year when people began asking me to come and speak at conferences around the country. That’s when I knew I could actually make some extra money from my ideas and expertise. I quickly realized that if I just did a few things consistently to market myself, that people would keep contacting me for business. Five years later, I’m still enjoying a thriving speaking career as a significant part of my business!

What I’ve noticed among my fellow women entrepreneurs however, is that we often get stuck on the marketing part when trying to get our business off the ground. Sometimes, it’s a lack of knowledge, but more often it’s really a lack of confidence. We get stuck because we’re holding a subconscious belief that we shouldn’t be charging for something we love doing so much that we’d do it for free.

If you find yourself in the “stuck” space, here are three things you can start doing TODAY to bring money into your business right now. Sometimes, it’s the simplest baby steps that make the most immediate impact!

1. Start telling everyone you know that you’re open for business.

When you’re first starting out, it can be really scary to actually make the big announcement that you’re open for business. It’s so frightening for some women to put themselves out there, that many never do this step! Most of us would rather be subtle about our marketing and have customers magically flock to us every day. Of course, this doesn’t happen. And as a result, many women fail to make sales on a consistent basis, let alone during the first few months of their business.

2. Start charging money for your products and services.

Duh, right? Yet you’d be surprised how many women entrepreneurs have a hard time asking for money, let alone asking for what our time is really worth. According to research by negotiation expert Linda Babcock, women are two-and-a-half times more likely than men to feel “a great deal of apprehension” about negotiating. This is very common in salary negotiation and also shows up in how we price our expertise, services or products. When you’re getting your business off the ground, it can be easy to fall into the mindset that you have to offer all your services for free.99 or at a deep discount to get some experience and encourage word of mouth marketing. The problem with that is if you provide too much value to your customers for free, they won’t be as likely to pay you when you start charging for it!

3. Start using social media to promote your business, not just to talk to your friends.

While women dominate many social networks online, we really don’t use the tools as much as we could to promote our businesses and engage with potential customers. This is one of the things that really frustrates me because there’s so much potential for our businesses on social media if we use it correctly! If you’re already on Twitter and Facebook, you probably tend to use it for personal use rather than as a marketing tool because you’re afraid people will unfollow or unfriend you. But social media offers an enormous opportunity for marketing your business for free or low-cost. And the sooner you take advantage of it, the more income you can bring in. Fun fact: more than 90 percent of my business comes through my blog, Twitter and Facebook!

If you’re not making any money in your business right now (or not making as much as you want to), don’t agonize over it. Worrying doesn’t help you move forward. Simply ask yourself, which one of these steps can you take today to start turning things around? I’d love to hear about where YOU are in the process of starting or building your business right now. Please leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded ladies, ask questions and get support

***

Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman, a supportive community that helps women create their ideal lives through personal development and entrepreneurship. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

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Are You Making These Excuses for Why You Can’t Travel?

June 6, 2013 | By Rosetta |

Photo courtesy Toya Nicole

This is a guest post by Toya Nicole, a travel blogger and marketing consultant. Please welcome Toya to the HBW Community!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

I travel more than the average person. Between business travel, personal vacations and weekend getaways, I should have a reserved parking spot at the Chicago O’Hare Airport. I’m always thinking about what my next destination will be and am often called upon by others to help them plan trips. It goes without saying that I’m passionate about travel.

Perhaps it’s ingrained in my DNA. My mother was a woman who traveled across the world with ease! Whether she was exploring France on a European vacation, hanging with the locals in Guadalajara, Mexico, cruising through the Caribbean or sneaking off to Vegas, she lived it up! I still have the postcard she sent me from her Hawaiian vacation when I was a kid. Even as a divorced, single mother she still set aside time and money to travel. Sometimes she had kids in tow or her girlfriends, but often times she rolled solo. So I guess you can say I get it from my momma!

While it’s second nature for me to bounce across the globe, I’m very aware that most women don’t take advantage of opportunities to travel.

Last fall, I returned from a weeklong Italy vacation with friends. While conversing with an associate, she commented:

“When I’m blessed to be wealthy and I get a husband I want to travel, too!”

Wait.

Say what, now? I don’t have a husband myself and am definitely not cashing Oprah-sized checks at the bank!

This was a working woman in her 30s who still had not been outside her southern state line boundaries. Why she felt she needed to “get a man” or “hit the lotto” to take a well-earned vacation was beyond me.

Sadly, she wasn’t the first woman I’d encountered who felt this way. I think it’s unfortunate to see women who fantasize about dream vacations actually talk themselves out of it because of perceived “roadblocks” in their life:

No friends
No husband
Too busy
Not enough money

I’ve heard all the excuses.

But the truth is, we can’t wait on the right time or right person to come into our life before we get about the business of living! Instead of making excuses, you can find an affordable vacation package, the kids can be left with a babysitter and that all-consuming job (which you hate anyway) will still be there when you return.

I started my blog last summer not to brag about my experiences or show off my bargain-finding skills, but because it’s my heart’s desire to inspire and motivate others to travel. I truly believe its part of my life purpose.

The time to explore, dream and discover is NOW. Are you ready?

***

Toya Nicole is a savvy marketing consultant, Six Brown Chicks correspondent, storyteller and jetsetter from Chicago who loves Jesus, chocolate, music and handbags! Stay in touch with her as she blogs about life lessons and all things travel on her blog, Ms. Travel Chic.

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6 Effective Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Own Success

June 3, 2013 | By Rosetta |

One of the most freeing lessons to learn in your life is that you are the only person responsible for your own success. It can, however, be terrifying to face the truth that you alone have the power to either move forward or stay stagnant. Because this freedom is so scary, many of us choose to just eliminate the possibility of success before we’ve even made much headway on our goals. That way, we can give up before we ever run the risk of failure.

This is the definition of self-sabotage, when we don’t even give ourselves the chance to succeed. The driving emotion behind self-sabotage is fear – the worry that you don’t have what it takes to achieve your goals or the belief that maybe you don’t even deserve success because you’re not “good enough.” Fortunately, once you learn how to identify your negative behavior patterns, you can begin to replace them with positive actions that will allow you to make progress despite your fears.

Here are six strategies you can use to get out of your own way and stop blocking your own success. Do you see yourself falling into any of these self-sabotage traps in your own life?

1. Stop Using the Word “Can’t”

Let’s say your big dream is to travel the world before you die. Although you really want to achieve this goal, it seems so unrealistic to you that you come up with all sorts of reasons why you “can’t” do it. Why you “can’t” save the money or take off time from work. But the truth is, barring an actual physical or mental limitation, there really is no such thing as “can’t.” There is: “I’m scared to do this” or “I’m not willing to take action” or “I will not do what it takes to make it happen.” But there is no “can’t.” You have the ability to take actions that will lead you closer to your goals. The only question is how bad you want something and how hard you’re willing to work to get it. (Read: Do You Use Limiting Words or Possibility Words?)

2. Stop Promising Yourself “Someday”

When you’re afraid of taking action, it’s easy to procrastinate and tell yourself that “someday” you will pursue your big goals. Not today, maybe tomorrow. But tomorrow is not promised to any one of us, no matter how much we try to trick ourselves into believing that it is. We carry that calendar, cell phone, laptop and iPad as a crutch to ensure that we’re so busy there has to be a tomorrow. But the reality is that for all of us, there will be one day that tomorrow will not come. There will be one day when we do not roll over in the bed to hit the snooze button on the alarm clock. There will be one day when we will not wake up to greet the golden sky. So, stop putting off your dreams until “someday.” You deserve to be happy TODAY. (Read: You Don’t Have to Find Out You’re Dying to Start Living)

3. Stop “Getting Ready” to Take Action

Your lizard brain will try to convince you that you’re not ready yet. That you don’t know enough. That you need to do more “research” before you make a decision. This leads to analysis paralysis, where you research and read and think about your options so much that you become mentally paralyzed and unable to decide upon any course of action at all. I personally know people who have been “about to” launch their business or start looking for a better job for years now. You’d be surprised at how time flies when you’re using excuses to avoid putting in the work to pursue your goals! There are only so many books you can read, degrees you can earn, classes you can take and advice you can get before your attempts to “get ready” become a mask for your own fear, not to mention a ridiculous waste of time. At some point, you have to stop taking workshops and start doing the work. (Read: You Don’t Need Any More Advice)

4. Stop Saying You Don’t Have the Time

You might swear up and down to anyone who will listen that your ultimate goal is to quit your job and run your own business doing what you love. Yet, every night, instead of working on your dream, you sit in front of the TV to watch Real Housewives of Atlanta or waste time on Twitter. The result: you end up perpetuating the lie that you don’t have any “extra time” to make progress on your business ideas. Then, when opportunities do come up, you don’t feel ready or prepared to take advantage of them. It becomes a vicious cycle and you never get anything accomplished. You can always MAKE time for the things you really want to do. Of course, this means you will have to prioritize your goals over other activities in the meantime. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely possible. (Read: 4 Ways to Find the Extra Time to Work on Your Passion)

5. Stop Surrounding Yourself with Negative People

It’s absolutely true that misery loves company. Some of your friends may be miserable because they’re not living their ideal lives, so they will have nothing constructive to say about your ambitions. Just try to ask a friend who’s been dogged out by her last boyfriend for relationship advice. She will heap her cynicism about love onto you and discourage you from showing up as your best self in your dating journey. A friend who just got laid off might push you to “take what you can get” in the job market and not hold out for what you’re worth. Although you may call these negative people your friends, it’s important to remember that they might project their attitudes onto you when you ask them for help. In fact, when someone is not happy with their own life, they often find it difficult to fully support others who are on the road to success. This is why it’s important to distance yourself from negative people as you pursue your goals. Or at least find some new friends and colleagues who have a positive outlook and are committed to creating their ideal lives. (Read: The Price of Snark)

6. Stop Buying Stuff You Don’t Need

Many people use the excuse of not having any money to get from where they are to where they want to be. Yet, some of those same people will go to the mall and get a new outfit this weekend instead of using that money to save for their dream vacation or pay for a business license or sign up for a gym membership. You may not earn much money in your job or in your business right now, but you can still use the income you DO have in a way that honors your goals. Instead of spending your paycheck on random stuff, you can decide to only buy what you need and put the rest toward your big dream. It might take some time, but you can fund any goal you want if you simply stop purchasing frivolous things that don’t get you any closer to living your ideal life. (Read: 7 Strategies to Help You Stop Buying Things You Don’t Need)

When you eliminate the behaviors that no longer serve you, you send a message to the universe that you’re ready for a better life. By putting these six strategies into action, you also give yourself permission to walk the bright path to your own happiness.

Are you sabotaging your own success in any area of your life right now? I’d love to hear which behaviors you struggle with the most or how you’ve been able to overcome any of them. Please leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded ladies, ask questions and get support

***

Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

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There’s Still Work for You to Do

May 24, 2013 | By Rosetta |

Back in 2008, I took a week-long vacation to Hawaii. I went by myself because my best friend from high school backed out at the last minute and I had just broken up with my boyfriend at the time. It was October and it was hot, but not summer-hot in Honolulu. I rented a white SUV to drive around the island for the week.

One day, I drove out to the North Shore and spent hours relaxing on the beach. It was just me, my journal, a picnic basket of food and wine and the occasional surfer dude coming by to ask me if I wanted to smoke.

For some reason, I had been thinking about my father a lot that day. The whole week, really. I laid out on that beach at the North Shore drinking and wondering how come I wasn’t dead yet.

I was 25, the same age my father was when he killed himself.

As a teenager, I had started worrying that suicide was hereditary, or at least the conditions that made someone want to die. As an adult, I understood that this wasn’t exactly the case, but it remained a present worry that showed up in select moments of uncertainty.

It was a pebble rolling around in my mind, threatening to ruin my life if I let it.

On the day of my father’s funeral in November 1989, Mom had me wear one of my “good” dresses with thick tights that shielded my skinny six year-old legs from the cold morning.

But on the North Shore that day in October 2008, the air was warm and my legs were bare. I was all grown up now, thousands of miles and many years away from that time and place in my life that had caused me so much pain.

I gazed into the blue-green water, the waves rushing up like a question.

I kept thinking to myself: I could be dead by now.

A few hours later, I began to realize the beautiful flip side of that statement: But I’m still alive.

I must be here for a reason. God still has work for me to do.

And then I started doing the work.

I started getting serious about figuring out WHY I was born, WHAT I was put here on earth to do and HOW I could go about doing it.

The answers were always there, but only when I was brave enough to open my eyes and see them. I know now that I’m here to help others, as I have been helped, over and over, by so many people who we will call angels.

No matter what you’re going through in your life right now, the fact that you’re still alive is an incredible gift. It’s OK to make the most of it.

Even if you’ve been hurt, lied to, abused and rejected in the past, you can rest in the sweet, unshakable truth that you’re still here. It’s OK to forgive.

You can still dwell in the magical world of possibility and move forward, knowing that there is a greater purpose for your life, beyond any pain and disappointment you’ve experienced thus far. It’s OK to let go.

If you’re reading this right now, there’s still work for you to do, too.

Are you doing the work you were put here on earth to do? Do you struggle with letting go of your past so that you can live your purpose? I’d love to hear about your experience! Leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded ladies, ask questions and get support

***

Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

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You Don’t Have to Find Out You’re Dying to Start Living

May 22, 2013 | By Rosetta |

“Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Look around and you will see how many people spend more time “getting ready” to live than they do actually living their ideal lives. We often spend our time playing it safe instead of doing exactly what we want to do. Fear causes us to make never-ending excuses for not going for it. But what if you were more conscious of the fact that you’re going to die soon?

Rainn Wilson’s Soul Pancake has a video series called “My Last Days” where they document the struggles and uplifting stories of terminal illness. Last night, I watched the story of Zach Sobiech, a teenager diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer. With only months to live, Zach used his love of music to say goodbye. (Tissue alert: I cried during most of this video and it was worth it to have my heart opened in such a powerful way.)

Zach passed away this week on May 20, 2013. But before he left this earth, he spent his time sharing his life and music with the world, inspiring millions of people with his song, “Clouds.”

Would you make different decisions in your life if you were more present to your own mortality? Unlike Zach, you probably don’t know exactly how long you have left to live, but at least you understand the truth that none of us will live forever. Looking at the big picture, you can see that you have a very limited amount of time to accomplish and experience the things you desire. This awareness is a very freeing state to be in.

If you can remember that you’re going to die, possibly sooner than you think, you might be more likely to:

Stop engaging in petty arguments and gossip. Ask yourself if this situation would matter if you only had a few months left to live. If the answer is no, why let it bother you now? Why waste any more moments of your life stuck in anger and negativity? Instead, spend that time doing something that actually makes you happy!

Stop working at a job you hate and put in the effort to find one you like. We spend at least 25% of our lives working, so why not give yourself the gift of enjoying what you do? Or at least find a way to authentically connect to the people you encounter at work, making a crappy job seem much more tolerable.

Start doing the things you’ve always wanted to do. Go to the places you’ve always wanted to go. Do the things you wrote down on your “bucket list” years ago when you were feeling optimistic and brave. Remember that you don’t have to wait until you have the right friend or partner to take that cross-country road trip with. You can go now and experience the adventure all by yourself!

Start taking more risks on yourself. Instead of choosing “security” over uncertainty, you have the power to take a chance and step outside of your comfort zone. Ask yourself what’s more important to you – not failing/looking stupid OR seeing yourself achieve something that deep down, you already know you’re capable of doing.

Whenever you feel paralyzed by the fear of doing something different with your life, call forward the truth that these are, indeed, your last days and it’s up to you how you will spend them. It won’t be too long from now when you will close your eyes for the last time.

Maybe all the best moments of your life will flash by like a movie and you’ll remember how beautiful the moon looked that night in Paris or the way the audience gave you a standing ovation after hearing you sing your song.

Or maybe you won’t remember anything at all.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION: Are you living the life you want right now or are you still “getting ready” to live it? How would you be spending your time if you knew you only had a few months left to live?

I’d love to hear your thoughts! Leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded ladies, ask questions and get support

***

Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

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Is It Time for You to Move? (My Hawaii Announcement)

May 17, 2013 | By Rosetta |

“It’s time for you to move, realizing that the thing you are seeking is also seeking you.” – Iyanla Vanzant

Ever since I got rid of my apartment back in 2011, you could say I’ve been a bit of a nomad, wandering from place to place, home to home. From DC to northern Virginia to Honolulu to Baltimore to Charlottesville to Europe to Richmond, back to northern Virginia with a recent trip to Thailand, this HBW has gotten around over the past two years! Underlying the urge to explore different cities and budget living arrangements was also a big question I had yet to answer.

Did I still want to call the DMV area home?

I went to college in Richmond and have built the majority of my personal and professional relationships here. But I’d been here since 2000. Now pushing 13 years, was my wanderlust a sign that it was time for me to go live somewhere else?

In my Life Mapping Workbook (which you can get for free here), one of the areas I ask you to explore is your lifestyle – where you want to live location-wise, your ideal living situation, etc. Those of you who are on the HBW newsletter (and actually READ it LOL), already know the decision I’ve made for myself in re-doing my own Life Map.

Today, I wanted to share the official announcement with everyone else who hasn’t yet seen the news via my emails or my personal blog…

When I left my job in 2010, I simultaneously started Happy Black Woman as a personal blog to document my journey of going natural and becoming self-employed. Today, it has grown into a supportive online community that encourages women to live their ideal lives. Here, we have positive, affirming conversations about personal development, self-care, relationships, entrepreneurship, lifestyle, travel and what it means to be free. I’ve been surprised and delighted to see how our HBW community has evolved from a teeny tiny blog to a large readership, then expanding to live events and training for women all over the country who are on the same path.

While I was on retreat in Thailand, what I realized is that I want to work with and for YOU on a bigger scale in service to my Personal Mission Statement (you can get this exercise in my full 31 Days to Reset Your Life program or the Kindle ebook version). In the space of just one month, I became present to the truth that I would have to step up once again to become the CEO of me – this time in a new capacity.

First, Decide Where You Really Want to Live

It took living on a tropical island in Asia 10,000 miles from home in a villa with 20 other entrepreneurs to realize that…

I love living on an island. I love being able to take my laptop to the beach. I love that I can write and connect and teach from anywhere in the world.

After I’d been in Koh Tao just a few days, I had a very casual, but life-changing conversation with one of the guys in our Project Getaway group. The concept of the program was to bring together a group of location-independent, tech-savvy business owners to mastermind and learn from each other in a beautiful tropical setting. So we were talking about our travels and homebases and where we wanted to go next. I found myself repeating a familiar refrain:

I have a great life in DC, but I would really love to live in Hawaii. That’s my dream! I lived there as a military brat from 1994-2000 and it’s always been my favorite place in the world.

That’s when it hit me. The little voice of adventure that got me on the plane from DC to Bangkok started asking: well, why the hell CAN’T you go live in Hawaii? Instead of clinging to all the excuses I usually give about it being so expensive (so is the entire DC area) and so far (that’s what airplanes are for), I just allowed myself to imagine the experience of doing something deliciously different with my life.

In that moment of brief conversation, I felt something shift inside me. My heart jumped a small jump of hope that one of my longtime dreams could actually come true this year. Suddenly, I had decided.

I will move to Oahu, Hawaii before the end of 2013.

This year, I will spend my 31st birthday (New Year’s Eve!) on Waikiki Beach, embracing my new life with joy and excitement. My focus will now primarily be on building Happy Black Woman as a supportive online community and training company that empowers women around the world to create their ideal lives through personal development and entrepreneurship.

Then, Figure Out How to Get There

No matter where you might want to move to, you can only get there by taking action, one step at a time. I have a rough six-nine month relocation plan that involves completing my remaining client work here in DC, finding a place to live in Honolulu and securing more business under my desired areas of focus. It’s incredible how being around like-minded, adventurous people helped me open to the possibility of leaving the DC-MD-VA area I’ve called home for the last 13 years to start a new chapter in another part of the country.

I share this part of my plan even as it’s still being scratched out on the proverbial napkin, knowing that right now, you may also be struggling with fear and making the decision to try something new. Maybe what you really needed to hear today is that your dreams are NOT crazy and you deserve to see them come true. This is the year of choosing, after all. This is the year to say yes to your deepest desires.

I believe this is what it means to create your ideal life. To declare exactly what you want to do and figure out how to make it happen. As Seth Godin (one of my favorite writers) wrote recently, it’s easy to work for someone else’s agenda, but it’s much, much harder to prioritize your own.

The problem isn’t that it’s impossible to pick yourself. The problem is that it’s frightening to pick yourself. It’s far easier to put your future into someone else’s hands than it is to slog your way forward, owning the results as you go.

Perhaps it’s time for all of us to stop saying “I can’t because…” and start fully owning the results of the choices we make. For me, that journey begins now.

Have you ever made the decision to start over in a new city/state/country? How did you know it was time for you to take the leap and make the move?

I’d love to hear your experience! Leave a comment below and join the conversation – our HBW Community is becoming a great place to connect with like-minded ladies, ask questions and get support :)

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Rosetta Thurman is the Founder of Happy Black Woman. Follow Rosetta on Twitter.

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8 Powerful Quotes That Encourage You to Let Go and Start Over

April 30, 2013 | By Rosetta |

Given the challenges we all face in pursuing our goals and dreams, it’s common to find ourselves in need of motivation to keep moving forward. But there are also those times when you come to an even more difficult point in your journey, when what you really need is an affirmation to let go of your current life and begin a new one.

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, then you know how much I love sharing quotes and affirmations that uplift and support others in their personal growth. Here are some of my favorites that have taught me to stay true to who I am and let go of the fear that comes with embarking on a new path. Please click the sharing links above this post to inspire your friends and followers on Twitter and Facebook!

“It’s never too late to be who you might have been.” – George Eliot

This quote always reassures me that no matter how old you are, or how many mistakes you’ve made along the way, you can always take the steps necessary to rediscover your true purpose in life.

“People are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of.” — Paulo Coelho

This is a beautiful reminder that you have the capacity to do whatever you want with your life. Right now, actually. No need to wait for the “right time.”

“It is not wrong to go back to that which you have forgotten.”— West African proverb

Some people feel like once they’ve chosen a particular path, that they can never turn back. Not true! Once you realize that you’re not where you’re supposed to be, you can go back to that homeplace, that starting point that feels right to you.

“We attain freedom as we let go of whatever does not reflect our magnificence. A bird cannot fly high or far with a stone tied to its back. But release the impediment, and we are free to soar to unprecedented heights.” – Alan Cohen

This quote is an affirmation that nothing can hold you back unless YOU let it. The sky is the limit when you release what’s keeping you from moving forward.

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide you’re not going to stay where you are.” — John Pierpont Morgan

It doesn’t take this big, grand display of courage to make a change in your life. Sometimes, all you need to do is make the decision that you WILL begin exploring a new path.

“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.” – Joseph Campbell

One of the biggest challenges to making progress with something new is not being able to LET GO of the old. This quote is a great reminder that when you try to keep one foot in the familiar as a Plan B, you never give yourself a chance to really succeed at Plan A.

“If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.” — Mary Pickford

Sometimes life gives us a second chance, but we’re too ashamed to take it. Instead of holding on to your past mistakes, accept the truth that there’s something better waiting for you when you let go.

“Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job. And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another – that is surely the basic instinct . . . Crying out: High tide! Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is.” – Barbara Kingslover

At some point, we all need to take a moment to step back and consider whether the highway we’ve been driving on for years still leads to the ultimate destination we want for our lives. If it doesn’t, it might be time to get off at the next exit and start doing something else!

What are YOUR favorite quotes that help you let go of fear and move toward the life you really want?

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Intentional Happiness: Focus on Doing More of What Brings You Joy

April 27, 2013 | By Rosetta |

At MOOV Restaurant, Club and Art Garden in Koh Tao, Thailand enjoying $3 mojitos and deep house tunes from DJ Simmo

Time is definitely flying by for me in Thailand – I’ve already been here three weeks! If I had to choose one word for my experience so far, it would be EXPANSIVE. My mind is being stretched in such good ways from living in community with so many entrepreneurs who are running cool businesses, creating their dream lives and traveling all over the world. There’s so much I can tell you about how this trip is seriously changing my life!

If you didn’t catch the announcement on the HBW newsletter a little while ago, I now have an account on Soundcloud so I can share audio posts with you that go deeper than some of the articles I post here on the blog.

My first audio post is a brief, unedited reflection about my experience being in Koh Tao, Thailand. I’ve been feeling expansive and hopeful, as this trip has been an incredible opportunity to think about what’s really possible for me right now. At the end of the audio, I also encourage you to take some time to consider the possibilities for your own life.

Click here to listen to my first audio post on Soundcloud.

As I alluded to in the audio, this trip has definitely been calling me to consider the question:

When am I at my happiest?

For me, the answer has gotten so much simpler over the years.

I am at my happiest when…

Enjoying warm weather, especially in summer – my favorite season
Eating good food that was prepared with love by me or someone else
Listening to music that uplifts me and makes me want to dance
Connecting with like-minded people, especially those who are committed to a path of personal growth and enlightenment
Experiencing art in any form, especially live music
Being creative through my writing and teaching
Using my unique gifts, skills and experiences to help people and impact the world
Getting to know intelligent, compassionate men who have interests and values similar to mine
Spending quality time with my family, especially in Florida on our annual holiday trip

I’ve noticed that when I focus on maximizing the conditions that cause me the most happiness, the happier I am. It’s a simple concept for sure, but a lesson that many of us still haven’t fully learned.

I’ve also found that it helps to remind yourself periodically of all the things that make you happy so you can be intentional about doing MORE of what does bring you joy and LESS of what doesn’t.

When are YOU at your happiest? Are there any conditions, places, activities or people that naturally bring out the best in you?

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Free Yourself: A Manifesto for Letting Go of Fear and Living Life on Your Own Terms

7 Steps to Release Negativity, Set Big Goals and Start Living the Life of Your Dreams

1. Remove negative energy from your life.

2. Make your goal specific and actionable.

3. Set a firm deadline for your goal.

4. Find a community to support your goal.

5. Create external pressure.

6. Make one big move.

7. Press reset.

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Three Simple Ways to Start Making Money in Your Business Right Now

1. Start telling everyone you know that you’re open for business.

2. Start charging money for your products and services.

3. Start using social media to promote your business, not just to talk to your friends.

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Are You Making These Excuses for Why You Can’t Travel?

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6 Effective Ways to Stop Sabotaging Your Own Success

1. Stop Using the Word “Can’t”

2. Stop Promising Yourself “Someday”

3. Stop “Getting Ready” to Take Action

4. Stop Saying You Don’t Have the Time

5. Stop Surrounding Yourself with Negative People

6. Stop Buying Stuff You Don’t Need

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There’s Still Work for You to Do

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You Don’t Have to Find Out You’re Dying to Start Living

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Is It Time for You to Move? (My Hawaii Announcement)

First, Decide Where You Really Want to Live

Then, Figure Out How to Get There

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8 Powerful Quotes That Encourage You to Let Go and Start Over

Learn about our signature programs:

Intentional Happiness: Focus on Doing More of What Brings You Joy

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