You need look no further than Facebook or Twitter at any given time of the day to find an endless stream of sarcastic, cynical and negative comments about current events, celebrities, relationships, work or life in general. Sometimes, the level of snarky conversation we encounter online can be witty or even entertaining. But most of the time, it’s downright depressing.

Have you ever been around someone who literally hates everything? That’s what listening to a snarky person is like. The people out there that literally have nothing productive to offer beyond sarcastic commentary, hurtful criticism or mean jokes at someone else’s expense. All.day.long. At first it might be funny to hear them crack jokes about the latest celebrity or political scandal, but over time it definitely gets old. They always have something sarcastic or critical to say about any given person, topic or event. It’s almost as if they don’t know how to be positive, optimistic or happy about anything.

Because I see this behavior so much (online and off), I’ve started to wonder, what is the price we pay for snark?

What effect does engaging in negative, cynical conversation have on our mental health in the long run? Is it like secondhand smoke, clogging up our lungs, preventing us from fully accessing fresh air? Or is it truly harmless to say and hear negative things about ourselves and others day after day?

But honestly, and this is the main question that I tend to apply to everything these days, does being snarky make us happy?

Or, does it just help us fit in with all the other unhappy people?

Lately, I’ve been assessing my personal habits with the intention of getting rid of the ones that no longer serve me. For one thing, I love to look in the mirror (yes, I know, a little vain), although a lot of the time it’s to check to see if I look OK, if I’ve got a big pimple on my forehead or if I’ve got spinach in my teeth. While at first it sounds self-absorbed to say that I look in the mirror so much, I’ve recently realized that all too often, I’m looking in the mirror to see if something is wrong with me.

Do you do this in your own life?

Sure, we all want to look great before we leave the house. But many of us go way beyond that and focus primarily on our flaws, physical or otherwise. One example is how we sometimes keep too close of an eye on how our bodies look in comparison to others. For instance, it’s taken me almost my entire life to finally be OK with being a skinny black girl. I’m naturally thin, but you wouldn’t know it by the number of people (men and women) I’ve met in my life who’ve told me, “you could use a sandwich.” I used to live for the days when I’d step on the scale and find that I’d gained a few pounds, hoping to be on my way to a more “typical” voluptuous figure.

Now, I’m more appreciative of the body that I’ve been given. This body has allowed me to live and breath and move on this earth for 30 years and hopefully many more. This is the only body I have. Instead of wasting time wishing it was something else, my goal is to simply take care of it as best I can and love it as fiercely as possible.

I think this philosophy goes beyond simply accepting yourself as you are – though that’s important, too.

This is self-love.

This is saying, “I was made perfect and my main goal in this life is to act in accordance with that belief.” This is not about vanity, or even confidence for that matter. It’s about knowing that you are beautiful and worthy of every truly beautiful thing – and not allowing anyone or anything to convince you otherwise. This is recognizing that you need not compete with anyone, nor can anyone compete with you, because you were put here to live out your own unique purpose that no one else could ever fulfill but you.

Most of my posts here on the blog are about personal development and how you might make positive changes in your life – both big and small. Obviously, I think change can be really good, if that’s what you need. But sometimes, what we actually need is to focus on how amazing we already are.

There is nothing wrong with you.

And the more you stop looking for flaws, the easier it becomes to achieve your true potential in the world.

“Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job. And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another – that is surely the basic instinct . . . Crying out: High tide! Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is.” – Barbara Kingslover

Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the idea of living abroad. After finally making my bucket list, I realized that international travel is one of my top priorities for my life before I “kick the bucket.” I’ve never been out of the U.S. for more than a week and I’d love to be able to leave DC for a while to just wander the globe for months at a time. I want to be able to take my laptop and work in cafes across the world. For me, this is one of my more immediate goals in terms of (re)designing my life. But it’s also a way for me to start over.

For the past 10 years (ever since I graduated high school), I’ve done everything I was *supposed* to do. I went to college, got good grades, held down jobs, paid my bills and basically maintained self-sufficiency. And now . . . now I’m ready to do all the things I *want* to do. Those things that I’ve only dreamed about in the past. Those bucket list items I wrote down just because I knew that they were NEVER gonna happen. But I’ve recently become very aware of just how possible it really is to reach those goals and create the life I want for myself. Now, I’m looking forward to where my newfound clarity will take me and excited about the whole process of starting over.

Have you ever wanted to start over?

I mean, a total overhaul of your life as it is now? I think if we’re honest with ourselves, those urges come to us many times at many different moments in our lives. After college, you’re probably excited by the possibility of your new professional life and career. Then you work at your first job for a few years and start feeling restless after awhile. Over time, you may begin longing for your younger days of fun and adventure. You might catch the travel bug. You may get a little wanderlusty. You might find yourself thinking about what it would be like to live somewhere else, take on a more challenging job or even start your own business. As even more time passes, you may long for a romantic partner or spouse to complement you in your journey. Ultimately, you might begin to wonder if there is more to life than what you’re currently experiencing.

This is the seduction of starting over.

There is this attractive idea that we can take a brand new job, meet a new person, or move away to a newer, more exciting place and completely change our lives forever. Or we could even look at the opposite – the loss of a job or the end of a relationship can also allow for a blank slate of new possibility for your life. Many people report feeling an immense sense of freedom – literally a weight being lifted off of their shoulders – when they either voluntarily or involuntarily give up their old life and routines for something new and unknown.

Why is starting over so sexy?

Well, for one thing it’s because this notion is absolutely true. By making just one change in your career, relationship status, living situation or even your emotional outlook, you can effectively start a new chapter in your life. You can begin to feel happier and more hopeful about your future.

The thought of starting over is so compelling to us because we all want to live our very best lives. No matter how hard we try to keep our heads down and be content with what we have . . . most of us know that we have the potential for so much more.

It’s something many people feel when they wake up in the morning dreading the fact that they have to go to work . . . again. Or on the way home on a long, inconvenient commute, wondering if this disappointing pattern will continue for the next 30 years. The good news, of course, is that it doesn’t have to.

Is it time for you to start over in some way? If so, what’s the first step you can take today?

* * *

Ready to press the “reset” button on your life and start over? Get my 31 Days to Reset Your Life program. Join over 3,000 people who have benefited from the program so far!

This may sound counterintuitive coming from a coach, but no matter what life challenge you may be facing, most of the time it’s not really advice that you need. Nine times out of ten, when people ask me for advice, they don’t really want me to tell them how to do something. What they really want is for me to motivate them to actually do it. Deep down, I think most of us already know exactly what we need to do to improve our lives. More often than not, we’re just looking for validation from outside sources or the inspiration to take action.

Unfortunately, too many of us never take action.

We get the information, we pay for the coaching, we buy the books and training programs. We read and think and ponder and then read some more. We procrastinate and analyze to the point of inaction. And that’s really the problem. There is never any lack of information. No matter what you might want to accomplish in your life, there’s someone out there to give you advice – either for free or fee.

But it’s your job to take it.

What if the only way to get unstuck from where you are was to stop looking for advice from others? More specifically:

• Stop reading books about it
• Stop reading blogs about it
• Stop talking about it
• Stop thinking about it
• Stop analyzing it
• Stop asking people about it

What if the only way to move forward was to just do it?

When, you ask? Try now. Right this very moment. Stop reading this damn blog post and go take the first step toward pursuing your wildest dream. Then, you can sit back and watch the universe start working on your behalf.

Many of us were raised to only wear our “good clothes” for church, school or special occasions, a practice that’s followed us into adulthood when we buy our own clothing. I’ve done it a million times – bought a new outfit just to let it hang out in my closet until the right event, date or holiday gathering. I’ve had new clothes sit around for months because of this habit.

With the price tags still on.

Gretchen Rubin from The Happiness Project even shares the story of how she hoards her new underwear, “saving” them for months before she wears them.

Last week, as part of my July “buy a white t-shirt” campaign, I went to buy new underwear. When I got home, I forced myself to toss out my sorry old pairs, because I could feel myself tempted to “save” the new underwear. And indeed, even though the old underwear is gone, I find myself re-wearing the same laundered new pairs, so that I can “save” the new ones that are still neatly folded, with their tags on.

Why buy new clothes and then “save” them for months? Not wearing clothes is just as wasteful as throwing them away.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Do we really get some sort of twisted satisfaction from denying ourselves the gratification of wearing nice things? Or maybe we just don’t fully enjoy the effect of looking amazing unless someone else notices?

Whatever the reason, we have to stop the madness. This is just another way of delaying happiness until a specific event happens first. We have to remember that our life is right now, not later, when that special occasion finally comes around. You deserve to be happy every day. All day long. Eat your favorite foods. Wear your best clothes. Do what you love. That is happiness. That is living for the now and not some other later time.

I know I probably don’t need to remind you that tomorrow is not promised to any one of us. But I will. Because it’s not. And really, we have a responsibility to ourselves to make the most of the time we have today in this present moment. So please, wear your good panties right now while you can still enjoy them.

Are you a “panty hoarder?” Do you save your good clothes for special occasions? Why or why not?

I’ve shared with you before my story of how I became the CEO of me, going from working a 9 to 5 as a nonprofit director to running my own full-time consulting business. I still get a lot of emails about that post from sisters who are trying to do the same thing – quit their jobs and work for themselves. But what I didn’t talk about in that post was exactly what I had to do to prepare and set myself up for the opportunity to be self-employed.

The short answer: I marketed myself like crazy.

Also known as building your personal brand, I cultivated an online presence with my leadership blog at rosettathurman.com for three years before I had enough clientele to branch out on my own. To be perfectly honest with you, if it weren’t for my blog, I wouldn’t even have a business! So, naturally, given my experience, the first piece of advice I give budding entrepreneurs is to START A BLOG. And not a free blog from WordPress.com or Blogger, but a real, professional, .com blog that showcases your expertise and talents with the world.

If you don’t have a professional blog yet, I highly recommend you download my FREE ebook, The Complete Beginner’s Guide to Starting a Blog. Geared toward newbie bloggers, this easy-to-read guide will take you from soup to nuts in terms of your blog concept, software, design, content, promotion and analytics. Longtime bloggers will also benefit from the marketing angle of the ebook which outlines how to build your personal brand online through blogging. After you get the technical stuff out of the way, the best ways to make your blog work for you in your business are to:

1. Become the “go-to” person in your niche.
2. Write great content that helps your audience.
3. Promote the hell out of it.

Easier said than done, right? Believe me, I know! Which is why I created The Blogging School. Join us there if you want to learn more about using a blog to promote your business.

What do you think of these ideas? Have blogs or other social media tools worked for you in launching and sustaining your business? What challenges do you face in building a successful blog?

I love microwave popcorn. It’s one of the few salty snacks I allow myself to eat on a regular basis. I love the taste of hot, popped corn flavored with butter, nuked up in just a few minutes’ time.

Sometimes, I even eat popcorn for dinner. Don’t worry, it’s the organic kind :)

But here’s what I’ve recently noticed about my popcorn habit. I can’t STAND burnt popcorn. So, I stay right in front of the microwave while it cooks, listening for the popping to slow down even a fraction of a second so I can take out the bag before it burns. Now, there would be nothing inherently wrong with me doing that (even if it is a little anal) if it weren’t for the outcome.

I always take the popcorn out too soon.

I’m so afraid that it’s going to burn, that I often grab the bag from the microwave with half the kernels still unpopped! Sure, the popcorn I am left with is completely unscorched and delicious, but I don’t get nearly as much of a serving size than if I would’ve left it in a little longer.

I think it’s the same way with fear in our lives.

We have something that’s really important to us – a career, a relationship, a business – and we’re so afraid to mess it up that we stop short of taking steps that could make it better. We’d rather take the “good enough” version because we’re too afraid to take the risks that would lead us into greatness. So, what ends up happening is that we only get a fraction of what’s really possible in that area of our lives.

We’re so afraid of failure that we won’t let ourselves be great.

Does any of this resonate with you and how you operate in your own life? Popcorn lover or not :)